Moments...

Moments over the past couple of days when I saw and experienced God.

When a friend hugged his daughter at the Prom Grand March.... I experienced God's Love!!

When friends of mine where holding hands and looking like they were 16 and in love at that same Grand March.... I saw God's Love

My old counselor sent me a text: "He's holding your hand so lovingly, attentively, and gently. Beautiful!!!!"

I read this in Our Daily Bread for April 29: "He who holds the stars in space holds His people in His hands

I read this in Daysies.... about grasping God's hand for April 29: "God's hand is always there; and once you grasp it, you'll never let go.

When we sang "holy holy holy" this morning, May 1, at church I began thinking of Eric Falk and was taken back to a moment during a Word and Spirit Conference at Christ Church

I got to hang out with some of the girls going to camp this summer...

I read this in Streams in the Desert for May 1: "Faith when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly." ~Phillips Brooks


Yep, I sure am feeling God holding my hand and loving me so deeply....

BHAG

BHAG (Be Hag): BIG HARRY AUDACIOUS GOAL!! "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. ~Acts 1:7-8" What would your Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria be and then how to reach the world through it..... thus, a Big Harry Audacious Goal.

My BHAG at the moment is asking all my friends and family to send $5 once to help get Young Life started here in my small town. But, feel free to send more if the Lord leads you!!

That's $5 ONCE a year to make a difference in the lives of middle school and high school kids, yes it may be my Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria..... but, imagine the effect of reaching the ends of the earth.....

I pray GOD touches your heart to help!!

Send a check made out to Young Life or me to PO Box 104, Buffalo, WY 82834.

I'd love to reach my BHAG by the 1st of April, I'll let you know when I do.....

Being still, Knowing He is God, and Waiting with Hope,
KimKay


"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." ~Gandhi

"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world." ~Margaret Mead

Actively Waiting.....

I continue to be in awe of GOD..... how He works and keeps putting Himself before me. The past couple of days have been thoughts of what my "job" has in store for me next year, and again I've been thinking of and missing someone dearly.... so I have been praying, seeking, and asking GOD....

What do I do in these times, I trust and wait with hope..... This past year truly has been a growing time, a drawing closer to GOD. It has been a time where my Faith has revealed so much. I'm Trusting GOD more than I ever have before.... it all has brought this beautiful Peace to my heart that only comes from HIM!!!!

And how is it HE replies back to me.... Well this morning I received an email of encouragement that used Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and Know that I am GOD"..... and then tonight at Life Group we were encouraged to find and listen to John Waller's song "While I'm Waiting", which was a song someone shared with me this past summer when GOD was first bringing "Be still, and Know I am GOD" while "Waiting with Hope" to my journey as words of encouragement, strength, and of HIS Love for me....

I do love HIM so.... Here are the words to that song:

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
~John Waller

2010 Update

It seems I have sat down numerous times to write and update, but something would come up or if I did write something, my computer would act up and I lost what I wrote. I'm determined to get something written before I go to sleep tonight, no matter how late it is. I know some of you don't even know that I now live in Wyoming!

*Summarized Version: 2010 started with a vanishing act, I was sick, started my final grad project for Masters, teaching license miracle, met someone who put a smile in my heart like no one else ever could, graduated, got my heart broken, began "being still", fought GOD, went to Young Life Camp, heard "jump" more, was presented with phrase: "Waiting with Hope", fought GOD more, completed my finally project and received Master of Education, went on an adventure to Wyoming, ready to go back to Colorado numerous times but GOD kept me in Wyoming, trip to Michigan, job interview in Wyoming, a quick move to Wyoming as of September 1, and then a trip to Michigan for Christmas after over 12 years away..... now to what 2011 holds with starting Young Life.... Read on if you want more details of 2010:

A year ago this same particular weekend GOD brought something into my life that was a wonderful experience and put a smile on my face, and in my heart from about February to May. This time also included a couple of trips to Fort Collins to stay with my friends and my Spring Break in April was spent in Wyoming!!

On May 8, 2010, I walked in graduation ceremonies at Regis University receiving a Masters of Education in Special Education (though I officially did not finish my final project until the end of June, so diploma states July 2010).

Towards the end of May I felt the Lord asking me to take my biggest leap yet, that "jump" I'd been hearing was about going to Wyoming. I was ready to take it, I felt/heard GOD tell me not to sign my contract for the following school year, but something happened that made that leap not make sense to me anymore. So on the LAST day that I had to sign my contract in tears and with very little sleep I signed though I KNEW in my heart I wasn't suppose to, even told GOD I KNEW I was disobeying, but I needed some "security" in my life at the moment... besides HIM.

Then all I heard for the next couple of weeks was "jump".... a friend asked me in mid May to find a way to be "quiet" and wait to hear HIS Voice in order to listen to HIM, to find a way to just sit for 5-10 minutes a day, say and think nothing. As hard as I tried the noise inside my head and heart still seemed to be loud and getting even louder. But, I continued to try. Another friend encouraged me by sharing how she would just repeat "Be still, and know I am God" (Psalm 46:10) when she was trying to be quiet. I DID try..... and I kept fighting GOD with what I heard. Seriously, with a broken heart it made absolutely no sense at all to move to Wyoming.

The beginning of June came and as I was trying to "Be still", well I started a new three month "Our Daily Bread", the front cover had the scripture "Be still, and know I am God" on it..... Little did I know at this time that GOD would continue to speak and move in a powerful way through those next three months. And this was only the start....

While at camp in Arizona... I went to Lost Canyon Camp with some of the high school kids from Delta County Young Life.... Wow, did GOD ever speak to me there. First, GOD kept putting connections on my path.... a Wyoming YL group was at the same camp. One leader was moving to Casper to start YL there, and the other had connections in Sheridan, which is near by. Before I left for camp, I did stop fighting GOD for a moment and inquired about coming up to Wyoming for the rest of the summer. Though ALL through the week I kept hearing "jump"..... it was on the last day, .... for some reason after our last club time I choose to check my email during my quiet time.

An email of encouragement: God's Promises was waiting for me to read, and spoke so loud to me giving me a phrase at the time that I had no idea would come back to me over and over and over again over the past 9 months, and still does.... the phrase was "Waiting with Hope"..... it would take way to long to give ALL the details of that day, but..... needless to say I decided to stop fighting GOD on the matter..... come back from camp and finish up my project in order to be DONE with my Master's Degree. And then head to Wyoming for whatever it was GOD was calling me there for.

I decided to have an adventure and stop fighting HIM. See, hear, feel God in a way I hadn't in a while. I wanted to live, laugh, and love again and not hurt so darn much. I REALLY didn't have any expectations (some hopes).... I wanted to relax and enjoy somewhere different.... and let GOD be GOD in whatever.... I might get there and want to leave shortly after... might want to stay the whole month that I had off,
too. Some of the reason I wanted to go was hope for something to change with someone who put a smile on my face, but to be honest that actually was the reason why I thought I shouldn't go and WHY I was fighting GOD so much. Whether a part or not... I was gonna have an adventure and take every opportunity to experience GOD as if I'd just fallen in love with HIM for the first time! I needed to find what was eluding me from having that Peace that only comes from knowing CHRIST.

And that is exactly what I did.... I came up to Wyoming not knowing what GOD was doing, but I wish I could share and explain every little detail of each moment I was in Wyoming over those five weeks. The times GOD put a scripture reference from someone onto my path that confirmed "waiting with hope" and sometimes "being still..." ...it was so obvious and clear that I was suppose to be in Wyoming, but then I did disobey and sign my contract in Colorado.... so who knew what GOD would do. Every time I felt ready to leave, or that I shouldn't be up in Wyoming, GOD would put a reason, an open door for me to stay a little longer.

In the process of leaving Wyoming to go spend a week in Michigan with my family the beginning of August..... GOD provided a job opening.... I interviewed two days into training for the new school year..... was offered the job and the TRUTH of it is it may have been only a one year position, but it was what GOD was calling me to do so, I took it.... was HONEST.... came up to Wyoming for the two days before classes started.... drove back to Colorado the 1st day of those classes.... turned around and moved up Buffalo in a week.... my official first day in Wyoming was September 1, 2010.... I then started my new position at the Middle School teaching Special Education on the day after Labor Day.

GOD has continued to speak and move in my life since moving up here. There is so much more detail of it all....

I have learned and continue to learn so much about GOD, and about me... and that Peace that only comes from HIM has been found again.... Not sure where it had gone.... But, the biggest lesson learned this past year was concerning LOVE!!!! I've always been afraid that I didn't really know what "love" was.... Something longed for for a long time, yet really didn't know if I was truly capable of that kind of
love in my life. In reflecting back over the past year, I did fall in love.... NEVER thought I could love someone, but I do and I KNOW I can't make him love me back or want me....But, the whole situation has brought my understanding of GOD's Love of us to a whole new level... to a Trust like no other..... it has made my love for GOD and HIS for me seem so much more real and deeper.... if that makes sense?!

The lesson in it is really this... how HE loves us, even when we don't return that love to HIM. I can't explain it and not sure I truly put it in a way to make you all understand. I know I am capable of loving. But, I know with all my heart I can't make him love me back.

And now it is 2011, only GOD knows my fate for the next school year.... since it was ONLY a one year position, but.... I'm not worried because I know GOD has a plan and I'm Trusting HIM. But I do know that in 2011 Young Life is getting started here in Buffalo....that too has it's own story. Wow, can I make it short? I don't think so, you'll just have to trust me that it is really all a part of GOD's plan here for me too. HE has made a way like no other when it comes to this and that started on my second official night in Buffalo.

I'm at Peace, I'm content, I'm loving and laughing and living more than I have in a long time. GOD is doing so much in my life.... I feel a Peace and a Joy like I NEVER have had before.... I'm TRUSTING HIM more than I ever had, which in turn is producing that Peace and Joy..... just can't express the words.... I'm Loving HIM more and more each day.... I'm "Waiting with HOPE"..... that hope that is found only
in, through, and with HIM.....

and it ALL really began a year ago.... with what GOD put, well who GOD put on my path.... I sure am better off because of him and all of it!!

I don't know what HE has in store, but I know I'm exactly where HE wants me to be.... and it is a beautiful beautiful place to be..... And as the theme continues to go in my life.... I'm "being still, and knowing He is God" (Psalm 10:6), while I'm "Waiting with Hope" (Psalm 62:5 and Lamentations 3:24-25 and Habakkuk 2:3)....


"Be still, and Know" while you "Wait with Hope"
Kimie

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~Helen Keller

Quiet Love

"He will quiet you with his love"(Zephaniah 3:17)

... Let me relate a beautiful old story of how one Christian dreamed she saw three other women in prayer.

When they knelt the Master drew near to them. As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her with tenderness and grace. He smiled with radiant love and spoke to her in tones of pure, sweet music. Upon leaving her, He came to the next but only placed His hand upon her bowed head and gave her one look of loving approval. He passed the third woman almost abruptly, without stopping for a word or a glance.

The woman having the dream said to herself, "How greatly He must love the first woman. The second gained His approval but did not experience the special demonstrations of love He gave the first. But the third woman must have grieved Him deeply, for He gave her no word at all, nor even a passing look."

She wondered what the third woman must have done to have been treated so differently. As she tried to account for the actions of her Lord, He Himself came and stood beside her. He said to her, "O woman! How wrongly you have interpreted Me! The first kneeling woman needs the full measure of My tenderness and care to keep her feet on My narrow way. She needs My love, thoughts, and help every moment of the day, for without them she would stumble into failure.

"The second woman has stronger faith and deeper love than the first, and I can count on her to trust Me no matter how things may go or whatever people may do. Yet the third woman, whom I seemed not to notice, and even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holiest service.

"She knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so completely, that she no longer depends on My voice, loving glances, or other outward signs to know of My approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts Me when common sense, reason, and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later.

"My love is silent because I love beyond the power of words to express it and beyond the understanding of the human heart. Also, it is silent for your sakes- that you may learn to love and trust Me with pure, Spirit-taught, spontaneous responses. I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external."

He "will do wonders never before done" (Exodus 34:10) if you will learn the mystery of His silence and praise Him every time He withdraws His gifts from you. Through this you will better know and love the Giver. ~selected
(February 9 entry from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman)



I am noticing the beauty of this story because I can see me as ALL three of these praying woman at different stops on my path.... as I have continued to journey through this adventure called Life. I have been each one of these woman, and presently am just so thankful for GOD being ever present in my life....Today, I am good..... wish I could go back and repeat ONE thing that happened a year ago today.... but, thinking of that has REALLY made for a good day.... GOD is doing so much in my life.... I feel a Peace and a Joy like I NEVER have had before.... I'm TRUSTING HIM more than I ever had, which in turn is producing that Peace and Joy..... just can't put it into words.... I'm Loving HIM more and more each day.... I'm "Waiting with HOPE"..... that hope that is found only in, through, and with HIM.....

and it ALL really began a year ago.... with what GOD put, well who GOD put on my path.... with or without him in my life.... I sure am better off because of it all!!

more being still.....

I do not believe we have even begun to understand the wonderful power there is in being still. We are in such a hurry, always doing, that we are in danger of not allowing God the opportunity to work. You may be sure that God will never say to us, "Stand still", "Sit still", or "Be still", unless He is going to do something. This is our problem regarding the Christian life: we want to do something to be Christians, instead of allowing Him to work in us.

Think of how still you stand when your picture is being taken, as the photographer captures your likeness on film God has one eternal purpose for us: that we should be "conformed to the likeness of his Son" (Romans 8:29). But in order for that to happen, we must stand still. We hear so much today about being active, but maybe we need to learn what it means to be quiet. ~from Crumbs
(February 5 entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B.Cowman)

"Put your hope in God" (Psalm 43:5). Please remember there is never a time when we cannot hope in God, whatever our need or however great our difficulty may be. Even when our situation appears to be impossible, our work is to "hope n God." Our hope will not be in vain, and in the Lord's own timing help will come.

Oh, the hundreds, even the thousands, of times I have found this to be true in the past seventy years and four months of my life! When it seemed impossible for help to come, it did come, for God has His own unlimited resources. In ten thousand different ways, and at ten thousand different times, God's help may come to us.

Our work is to lay our petitions before the Lord, and in childlike simplicity to pour out our hearts before Him, saying, "I do not deserve that You should hear me and answer my requests, but for the sake of my precious Lord Jesus; for His sake, answer my prayer. And give me grace to wait patiently until it pleases You to grant my petition. For I believe You will do it in Your own time and way."

"For I will yet praise him" (Psalm 43:5). More prayer, more exercising of our faith, and more patient waiting leads to blessings- abundant blessings. I have found it to be true many hundreds of times, and therefore I continually say to myself, "Put your hope in God." ~George Mueller(February 7 entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B.Cowman)

I think what makes each one of these readings and all the ones before so special and so much more GOD for me is in knowing what I was praying about and talking to God about before reading.... it is like HE keeps reminding me that HE Loves me and has me exactly where HE wants me to be!!!! All I have to do is "Be still, and Know that HE is GOD" (Psalm 46:10) While, I "Wait with Hope" (Psalm 62:5)..... YOU continue to draw me closer and closer to YOU.... I Know You have something amazing in store for me....


Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days- these waiting days- as ill!
The One who loves you best, who plans your way,
Has not forgotten your great need today!
And, if He waits, it's sure He waits to prove
To you, His tender child, His heart's deep love.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
You greatly long to know your dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay-
Persuade yourself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way has opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad your heart, and then how swift your feet,
Your inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could you for Him fill?
It's hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
It's hard, it's true! But then- He gives you grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.
~ J. Danson Smith

And still....

WOW, I wish you could have heard my prayer word for word last night, as well as, a double one this morning (one in bed and one in shower)..... GOD didn't wait to speak and I love the words it was again..... This whole "Be Still, and Know".... along with "Waiting with Hope".... HE can continue to speak over and over to me.... It just reaffirms that HE is really doing something in my life right now, and has a really big plan for me here, in this place, for such a time as now.... even if my heart cries at least once a day.... it's ALL good, Praise You, Jesus!!!! Thanks for Loving me so, GOD!! And for speaking and answering prayers!

I opened my email and here is part of what was in a message sent to me today.... Again HE speaks with "Be still, and Know....", my answer back to HIM is I am Lord and it is why I have so much Trust and Peace in and with YOU at the moment. Really like never before.... I love growing more and more with YOU!!

"Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." I Thessalonians 5:24

Have you experienced the peace of God?

Be silent, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.
Psalm 46:6 NLT

Be still my soul

Be still, my soul! thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past,
Thy hope, they confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul! the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be Still, My Soul (v2) , Katharina Amalia von Schlegel (1697-?)

Whatever your circumstances, if you believe the first line of this great hymn, you will be at rest. In the midst of the psalmist's troubles, the Lord said, "Be still, and know that I am God."...

~God's Daily Promises, Wednesday, January 26, adapted from The One Year® Book of Hymns by Mark Norton and Robert Brown, Tyndale House Publishers (1995), entry for January 10.


And then tonight reading Streams in the Desert for January 26:

The Bible has a great deal to say about waiting for God, and the teaching cannot be too strongly emphasized. We so easily become impatient with God's delays. Yet much of our trouble in life is the result of our restless, and sometimes reckless, haste.

We cannot wait for the fruit to ripen, but insist on picking it while it is still green. We cannot wait for the answers to our prayers, although it may take many years for the things we pray for to be prepared for us. We are encouraged to walk with God, but often God walks very slowly. Yet there is also another side to this teaching: God often waits for us.

Quite often we fail to receive the blessing He has ready for us because we are not moving forward with Him. While it is true we miss many blessings by not waiting for God, we also lose numerous blessings by overwaiting. There are times when it takes strength simply to sit still, but there are also times when we are to move forward with a confident step.

Many of God's promises are conditional, requiring some initial action on our part. Once we begin to obey, He will begin to bless us....

...The ten lepers Jesus healed were told to show themselves to the priest, and "as they went, they were cleansed" (Luke 17:14). If they had waited to see the cleansing come to their bodies before leaving, they would never have seen it. God was waiting to heal them, and the moment their faith began to work, the blessing came....

When the Israelites were... commanded to "go forward" (Exodus 14:15,kjv). No longer was it their duty to wait, but to rise up from bended knee and "go forward" with heroic faith....

It was a great reminder that God's timeline is not mine. HE is the one who called me to "go forward", actually the words came more in the form of JUMP.... and I did, at times it doesn't make sense whey I'm here in Buffalo.... But, I am!! I rose from bended knee, and broken heart to "go forward" with Faith.... Trusting.... Being Still, and Knowing.... All why Waiting with Hope!!.... I hope GOD isn't still waiting for me, and it is more me waiting for HIM..... But, I'll Wait Forever for HIM if need be.

I don't ever even know if I'm truly giving justice to ALL that GOD continues to do. All I do know is it is in moments like this that I KNOW HE loves me and is working in my life.... HE is Waiting to see the Blessings happen that HE has planned for my life.... HE KNOWS those desires, longings, thoughts, etc..... and though I wait upon HIM with Hope, HE too is waiting!!

Keeper

I received this as a message today from someone who thinks I am a "Keeper", only sharing part of it here:

".... Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away... never to return. So... While we have it... it's best we love it... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken... And heal it when it's sick.

This is true... For marriage... And old cars... And children with bad report cards... Dogs and cats with bad hips... And aging parents... And grandparents.

We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special... And so, we keep them close!"
~Unknown

Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Keep them close! So true, I recall friends I haven't heard from in a while or who stay silent. You keep them close in thought and when they do call or reenter your life, well you DO KNOW they were always there even if you couldn't see them :)

However, what about those who you want to keep close, but you can't? Just curious, I mean you can keep them close in your heart, in your thoughts.... but, what if they walk away? How do you keep them close then.

For Christmas....

... all I want is....

Something that is impossible and very unlikely that I'll get.... but, it is truly what my heart desires for Christmas this year...

Yet, I'm reminded that "Nothing is Impossible for God"

One thing I do know is that HE has given me the PEACE that I've so longed for.... HE has given me JOY this season like I haven't experienced in a while..... HE has taught me what HIS LOVE truly is, a LOVE that HE has for us, even when it is not returned. HE has allowed me to question and struggle with HIM this year.... HE has led me to PEACE again, after Being Still, and Knowing HE is GOD..... HE has led me blindly, I still don't understand why HE brought me here to Buffalo, but it sure has been an adventure. HE has given me opportunities and divine appointments to truly see HIS LOVE.... HE has taught me so much.... AND, HE continues to remind me that HE speaks in HIS Perfect Timing.....

I'm still waiting with hope, that Hope that is in HIM.....

I'm glad HE is taking me to celebrate Christmas back home in Michigan with family this year. I haven't been home in 12 or so years.....

So what I want for Christmas may be something that is impossible and very unlikely that I'll get.... but, I'm content and at peace whether it comes or not because I am truly Blessed....

And, though Santa can't bring me what my heart desires.... GOD has already given me the most important desire of my heart.... and the other, Well "NOthing is impossible for GOD"!!!!

Know Me?

I Bet NOBODY can answer all these questions...

Full Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Eye color:
Nickname(s):
Best Friend(s):
Favorite Color:
Favorite Food:
My Favorite Person:
Favorite thing to do:

This was a post as someones status on Facebook.... I thought it was fun and I'd post it here and as a note on Facebook.... just to see if anyone would comment and how close they were to the right answers.... I've had one friend send me her answers, and she was almost perfect.... anyone dare to attempt?

Thank is....

...ful!!!!

Yet, the tank that we call ourselves that is.... and mine is Full to the brim with Thanksgiving...

What a year it has been. I am so thankful for all that has happened in my life in order for God to get me where I am now. I am thankful for every person that has come in to my life and even the ones that have gone out of it... Not to forget all the different situations and circumstances that have been a part of my year too.

2010 started with an interesting start and has continued to bring my life ever closer to the Lord.

I am thankful for so many things.... but, most importantly is being Thankful for GOD.... especially in the way HE continues to speak into my life and fill my "tank" full of HIM....

Like last night I was reflecting on the Daniel Fast that I just completed and reflecting on the journey GOD has had me on, after spending time in prayer seeking HIM more I read my devotions. Hmmm..... "Streams in the Desert":

November 24
Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
Is there any note in all the music of the world as mighty as the grand pause? Is there any word in the Psalms more eloquent than the word "Selah," meaning pause? Is there anything more thrilling and awe-inspiring than the calm before the crashing of the storm, or the strange quiet that seems to fall upon nature before some supernatural phenomenon or disastrous upheaval? And is there anything that can touch our hearts like the power of stillness?

For the hearts that will cease focusing on themselves, there is "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7); "quietness and trust" (Isaiah 30:15), which is the source of all strength; a "great peace: that will never "make them stumble" (Psalm 119:165); and a deep rest, which the world can never give nor take away. Deep within the center of the soul is a chamber of peace where God lives and where, if we will enter it and quiet all the other sounds, we can hear His "gentle whisper" (1 Kings 19:12).

Even in the fastest wheel that is turning, if you look at the center, where the axle is found, there is no movement at all. And even in the busiest life, there is a place where we may dwell alone with God in eternal stillness.
There is only one way to know God; "Be still, and know." "The Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him" (Habakkuk 2:20). ~selected

All-loving Father, sometimes we have walked under starless skies that dripped darkness like drenching rain. We despaired from the lack of light from the sun, moon, and stars. The gloomy darkness loomed above us as if it would last forever. And from the dark, there spoke no soothing voice to mend our broken hearts. We would gladly have welcomed even a wild clap of thunder, if only to break the torturing stillness of that mournfully depressing night.

Yet Your soft whisper of eternal love spoke more sweetly to our bruised and bleeding souls than any winds that breathe across a wind harp. It was Your "gentle whisper" that spoke to us. We were listening and we heard You, and then we looked and saw Your face, which was radiant with the light of Your love. And when we heard Your voice and saw Your face, new life returned to us, just as life returns to withered blossoms that drink the summer rain.

Yep, I am "tank full" this Thanksgiving to the point of overflowing, along with being thankful for "finding rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him" (Psalm 62:5); "therefore I will wait for him. for the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord" (Lamentations 3:24b-26)....

Thus, Being still and knowing HE is GOD, I'm WAITING quietly with HOPE while seeking HIM with all my heart and knowing that I am fully Known and fully Loved with no Fear of Rejection!!!! HE is that into me.... Now, to Humbly live life on Purpose, with Passion! I will continue to Trust!!

Only Hope...

Tonight I went to the Feast of Praise here in Buffalo, Wyoming. One of the songs that I heard just really touched my heart with all that has been on my heart and mind lately. Along with all that GOD has and continues to do in my life this year.... what a journey it has been and continues to be.

That song that hit my heart in more than one way was "Only Hope"

The lyrics are:
There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.


Sometimes I feel I am being pretty vague with my writing, there is so so much going on in my heart this year, but I guess the little details don't matter as much as the way and words GOD keeps speaking and putting into my life. IF only you could have heard my different conversations with GOD this weekend. My prayers, all that is in my heart, all that has been going on.... there is just so much. And again, as I was crying out and being still with HIM... well, I opened up a book and read these words.... it continues to be a theme in my life this year... Oh how I wish I could have written or recorded every little thing.... All I know is that GOD is awesome and the only thing that really truly matters in my life is HIS LOVE in it, through it, with it, etc.... My only desire is to Love HIM and live my life for HIM....

Here is how HE continues to put "Be still, and Know" and "Waiting with Hope" in my heart and on my mind... :

"Streams in the Desert"
November 20

Blessed is the one who waits. (Daniel 12:12)

Waiting may seem like an easy thing to do, but it is a discipline that a Christian soldier does not learn without years of training. Marching and drills are much easier for God's warriors than standing still.

There are times of indecision and confusion, when even the most willing person, who eagerly desires to serve the Lord, does not know what direction to take. So what should you do when you find yourself in this situation? Should you allow yourself to be overcome with despair? Should you turn back in cowardice or in fear or rush ahead in ignorance?

No, you should simply wait- but WAIT IN PRAYER. Call upon God and plead your case before Him, telling Him of your difficulty and reminding Him of His promise to help.

WAIT IN FAITH. Express your unwavering confidence in Him. And believe that even if He keeps you waiting until midnight, He will come at the right time to fulfill His vision for you.

WAIT IN QUIET PATIENCE. Never complain about what you believe to be the cause of your problems, as the children of Israel did against Moses. Accept your situation exactly as it is and then simply place it with your whole heart into the hand of your covenant God. And while removing any self-will, say to Him, "Lord,'Not my will, but yours be done'(Luke 22:42). I do not know what to do, and I am in great need. But I will wait until You divide the flood before me or drive back my enemies. I will wait even if You keep me here many days, for my heart is fixed on You alone, dear Lord. And my spirit will wait for You with full confidence that You will still be my joy and my salvation, 'for you have been my refuge, [and] a strong tower against the foe'(Psalm 61:3). ~from Morning by Morning

Wait, patiently wait,
God never is late;
Your budding plans are in Your Father's holding,
And only wait His grand divine unfolding.
Then wait, wait,
Patiently wait.

Trust, hopefully trust,
That God will adjust
Your tangled life; and from its dark concealings,
Will bring His will, in all its bright revealings.
Then trust, trust,
Hopefully trust.

Rest, peacefully rest
On your Savior's breast;
Breathe in His ear your sacred high ambition,
And He will bring it forth in blest fruition.
Then rest, rest,
Peacefully rest!


This all comes as perfect timing with me just finishing the Daniel Fast for the past 21 days.... GOD keeps drawing me closer and closer to HIM. I'm so Thankful for ALL that 2010 has brought about in my life.... All I know is this weekend I've been reflecting on ALL that I have to be thankful for this year and I've been thinking about the one thing I miss, that someone I miss so much.... someone who other than GOD really has played a huge part in me getting to where I am at at the moment.... So many words I could voice and so many things I could say, BUT, it all really just comes down to saying PRAISE JESUS!!!!! I'm falling more and more in love with you ever day.... I can't explain the Peace I have, I can't express the Joy I have.... I long for something and miss someone so much, but I'm ok.... I'm Trusting GOD in a way I never have before.... I'm Being Still, and Knowing..... I'm Waiting in Prayer, Faith, and Quiet Patience while Waiting with Hope in HIM.....

I'm in a place I've never been before with HIM and it feels GREAT!!!!!!

HE is my only Hope.....

10-10-10

Wow, it keeps amazing me how on this journey this year GOD continues to speak the same words to me in different ways exactly when I need them:

Be Still.. and Know, Peace, Trust, Rest, Waiting with Hope.....

The past three days words have spoken to me in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman, edited by Jim Reimann. GOD continues to love me by reminding me of the work HE began back in my heart at the beginning of summer and continues to speak.
Let me share:

October 7
.... In other words, "When you are confused and do not know what to do, do nothing." When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not run ahead, but slow the pace of your life. And if necessary, keep your life's ship anchored or tied to the dock.
The right thing is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God's providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf.
Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into the bright sunshine of His love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so may we climb into His arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road. ~Dr. Pardington
Remember, we are never without a pilot- even when we do not know which way to steer.
Hold on, my heart, in your believing-
Only the steadfast wins the crown;
He who, when stormy winds are heaving,
Parts with his anchor, will go down;
But he who Jesus holds through all,
Will stand, though Heaven and earth should fall.
Hold on! An end will come to sorrow;
Hope from the dust will conquering rise;
The storms foretells a summer's morrow;
The Cross points on to Paradise;
The Father reigns! So cease all doubt;
Hold on, my heart. Hold on, hold out.


October 8
.... Oh, for the grace to be silent! Oh, to "be still, and know that [Jehovah is] God" (Ps. 46:10)! "The Holy One of Israel" (Ps. 89:18) will defend and deliver His own. We can be sure that His every word will stand forever, even though the mountains may fall into the sea. He deserves our total confidence. So come, my soul, return to you place of peace, and rest within the sweet embrace of the Lord Jesus. ~selected
Peace your inmost soul will fill
When you're still!


October 9
.... Above all, remember- when God hides His face from you, do not say that He has forgotten you. He is simply waiting for a little while to make you love Him more. And once He comes, you will rejoice with the inexpressible "joy in the LORD" (Neh. 8:10). Waiting on Him exercises your gift of grace and tests your faith. Therefore continue to WAIT IN HOPE, for although the promise may linger, it will never come too late. ~Charles H. Spurgeon ....



from Our Daily Bread today:
Those searching to know life's true meaning
Can find it in only one way:
By serving the Lord with commitment,
And living for Him day by day. ~Branon

Commitment to Christ is a daily calling that challenges us.



from God Calling today:
Our Lord and our God. Help us through poverty to plenty. Through unrest to rest, through sorrow to Joy, through weakness to Power.

I am your Helper. At the end of your present path lie all these blessings. So trust and know that I am leading you. Step with a firm step of confidence in Me into each unknown day. Take every duty and every interruption as of My appointment. ....

I love you Lord, and Yes, GOD, I'm listening still....
Peace your inmost soul will fill, When you're still!

Therefore, WAITING WITH HOPE, for although the promise may linger, it will never come too late...

Unexplainable

All that God has been doing this summer on the adventure I decided to take by obeying Him.... well, I thought it may all be coming to an end on the drive back to Cedaredge while listening to "Plan B" by Pete Wilson.

Pete Wilson said something in the last chapter about living out Plan B, and that we needed to remember to:

BE STILL.... WAIT..... and HOPE.....

Seriously, those words of "Be still and know that I am God" ~Psalm 46:10, started my summer.... while at Lost Canyon, GOD gave me a message "Waiting with Hope" and when I chose to follow HIS leading to Wyoming, though it did not make any sense at all, but I jumped so to speak and went.... HE continued to put scripture in front of me given by others that confirmed "waiting with hope"....

And today, I was blessed with a teaching position..... Again, NONE of it has made any sense.... but, what an amazing adventure I've been on...

WAIT: though so much still seemed unknown as I thought the adventure was coming to an end... it was really only just beginning....

I am still "Waiting with Hope"..... so exciting living out what GOD is doing.... Adventure Ahead, so much of this doesn't make sense.... Maybe why it is such a great journey to be on with GOD!! It truly has been a beautiful thing to be a part of.

Praising...

Yep, just Praising GOD today.... so glad HE is a jealous GOD and obviously wants me ALL to HIMSELF...

Feeling very Loved and Expectant to see all that HE has in store.... something is brewing and as soon as I can put myself to the side, maybe HE can really do what it is HE wants to do....

"Waiting with Hope"

My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. ~Psalm 62:5 (NKJ)

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. ~Psalm 62:5 (NLT)

My soul,wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. ~Psalm 62:5 (NASB)

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. ~Psalm 62:5 (NIV)

At the moment....

.... life really sucks! I set out to the unknown, looking high above and waiting expectantly for the Lord.... I just needed to get away... have an adventure. See, hear, feel God in a way I haven't in a while. I wanted to live, laugh, and love again and not hurt so darn much. I REALLY didn't have any expectations (some hopes).... I wanted to relax and enjoy somewhere different.... and let GOD be GOD in whatever.... not knowing if I'd stay a week or a month. Just being a little hopeful, that spending some time with someone who puts a smile on my face would be a part of it, to increase a friendship. Whether they were a part or not... I was gonna have an adventure and take every opportunity to experience GOD as if it was the first time! But, it seems my expectations or intentions have been misinterpreted by someone and I don't know if I have the strength or desire to continue this journey even if I feel I'm suppose to be here, at the moment I want to leave!

GOD truly is ALL I need and ALL I got!! So it even sucks to be struggling with Him, hearing something about Wyoming, but I just don't think I have it in me to do this time.... I want to remain faithful to HIM and Trust HIM, but again I don't know if my heart can do this. Yet, HE Knows me and Knows my heart.... so I gotta Trust, Be Still, and Wait on HIM!!

There's got to be something missing for the peace that can only be found through Him seems to be eluding me.Whatever it is or has been since being in Korea,well it is time for it to go, leave... release it's hold!! I want to find that Peace again!!

Lord, PLEASE.... take me there no matter how deep so that You may overcome and be Glorified like No other time before in my life.... Let this chapter end so different than it seems to be leading to. Give me a clear direction... I wanna go home!

Lord help me, I NEED You so desperately. I need a physical hug so badly from You!!!!


* Before going to bed, after crying on the phone for an hour with a friend, I decided that the journey was too painful for my heart and I was going to leave Wyoming the next morning....

Interesting for me is after I wrote this last night I read these two things in Our Daily Bread:

We make gods out of wealth and relationships because we don't want to have to put all our trust in God. ~Julie Ackerman Link

Contentment is realizing that God has already given me all I need.

Also, read this in God Calling:

PAINFUL PREPARATION
Help and Peace and Joy are here. Your courage will be rewarded. Painful as this time is you will both one day see the reason of it, and see too that it was not cruel testing, but tender preparation for the wonderful lifework you are both to do. Try to realize that your own prayers are being most wonderfully answered. Answered in a way that seems painful to you, but that just now is the only way. Success in the temporal world would not satisfy you. Great success, in both temporal and spiritual worlds, awaits you. I know you will see this had to be.

** More of God was waking up this morning to an email that opened the door for me to stay at least another week longer in Wyoming, by working at Our Camp, in Story, Wyoming. And then I read this for today in God Calling:

MY SECRET
You are being guided but remember that I said "I will guide thee with mine eye." And My Eye is My set purpose- My Will. To guide with My Will is to bring all your desires into oneness with My Will, My desires. To make My Will your only will. Then My Will guides you.


Ok, I'm Trusting You, GOD..... You obviously don't want me to leave.... my will is Your Will.... guide me.... I'm trusting and waiting with hope.... I'm content and at peace that I truly am exactly where you want me to be, no matter how painful it is in my heart...

????

... something significant touched me this day to set something on blog to go back and later write about.... over two years later I'm cleaning up drafts and have  NO idea why I orginally started this post.... makes me go hmmm??????? Thought I'd post to remember this date in my journey was some how significant.  (Posting and writing this presently on October 31, 2012).

Sharing Quotes:

"We begin to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~unknown through Shannon West

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
~e.e. cummings

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~Helen Keller

"People will forget what you said or what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou

... "What God gives in answer to our prayers will always be the thing we most urgently need, and it will always be sufficient." ~Elisabeth Elliot

"Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you." ~Oswald Chambers

"Encouragement is awesome. It has the capacity to lift man's or woman's shoulders.... To breathe fresh fire into the fading embers of a smoldering dream. To actually change the course of another human being's day, week, or life." ~ Charles R. Swindoll

"The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. The moment it arises, all your irritations and resentments slip away and the sunny spirit takes their place.: ~Mark Twain

"Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 106:1

"Praying, resting, waiting, trusting-
These are words that tell a story;
As we wait for God to lead us,
He responds, 'Just seek My glory'." ~Hess

Dance like nobody's watching;
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening;
Live like it's heaven on earth.

I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is. ~source unknown

"Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward." ~Thomas Merton

"Lord... give me the gift of faith to be renewed and shared with others each day. Teach me to live this moment only, looking neither to the past with regret, nor the future with apprehension. Let love be my aim and my life a prayer." ~Roseann Alexander-Isham

"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands." ~unknown through Amy Miller

"There is no joy in life like the joy of sharing." ~Billy Graham

Fighting....

...GOD that is, yep you read that right! Not the fighting for joy as in a previous entry, but fighting God. I feel like I'm fighting what it is I'm hearing GOD ask of me. I think HE is saying "jump", kind of like jumping off a cliff or I can most recently connect it to the high ropes course at Lost Canyon's Young Life Camp when I had to jump to grab a hold of a bar off a platform in the trees.

I know what that bar represented in my life, something I want to be very badly, but....
I actually didn't jump for the bar, it was there but something I wasn't focused on. I said I trust you God, closed my eyes, and jumped off the platform.... my heart kept saying this is what I want you to do with your life right now Kimie, just jump and trust me, but GOD it doesn't make any sense!! I know this isn't about the bar, but about GOD and what HE wants from me.

I've been searching for the past couple of weeks for answers.... asking how and why all the time. I don't understand. Funny thing is I'm in a very familiar place for me, it isn't like I haven't been here before, but yet it all is so different than any other time before. I've been feeling so many different emotions over the last month. In some cases I didn't feel like GOD was giving me a yes that I wanted to hear, but HE wasn't giving a no either. One day I'd feel peace one way, and then the next day I'd have peace in the other direction. It was driving me crazy and I KNOW that isn't from the Lord. Then my heart began to ache. However, with a broken heart I allowed myself to make a decision that kept me with some safety, in a place where I didn't have to risk anything more... but is that really walking in obedience with GOD?

A friend suggested that I find a way to be still and SILENT before GOD... that sounds so easy, right? But is so darn hard, especially for me. There is so much noise inside my head and heart ALL the time. I think and feel about every situation and opportunity that comes my way, or could come my way. And I just feel so tired and so overwhelmed and so alone right now. And so desperately wanting to hear GOD's voice and be led by HIM. The most important thing to me is loving and serving HIM, no matter what HE asks of me, and I've always been willing to risk whatever.

So I've been trying to be silent....another friend shared the verse "Be still, and know that I am God." ~Psalm 46:10 that she says when she can't be still and quiet before GOD. So I took their advice and obeyed... daily I sit some where and try to be still before GOD... I have a ty beanie baby bear that is on its knees in prayer called Hope that I hold onto and if I can't get quiet I repeat "Be still, and know that I am God."

The interesting thing is that "Be still, and know that I am God." ~Psalm 46:10 is the verse on the cover of 'Our Daily Bread' for the months of June, July, and August 2010. God's not speaking is He? I even went back and read some parts of Habakkuk, especially 2:3, which has spoken to me in the past and gave some encouragement.

I am still feeling unsettled and feel I'm hearing GOD tell me to jump... but I got nothing in the jump: man- not any more, job- a possible cracked door, Young Life ministry- not yet.... so GOD this doesn't make sense. I'll be still, and wait for you.... Hmmm, I'm fighting what Your speaking in my heart and head, I don't want to be disobedient, but I need something of safety, Please!!

And then it is time to go to camp, Yes... a week to be used by GOD and relax, get away from it all, especially my grad project and not really think about ALL that is going on in my life at the moment... but I go knowing that I WANT so badly to hear HIM loud and clear. I KNOW HE may speak to me this week too and not just use me in the lives of others. But, I really want to just escape all thoughts and be used.

HE did speak softly during the ropes course, but I kept pushing those words and thoughts of another him out of my mind and heart as best as I could, I tried to be present for the girls in my cabin. Though as I said above, I did close my eyes and jump and that sent something thru my whole being.

Then Friday, the last day of camp hit and I really heard HIM. First, when I was spending some time with the Lord, I felt led to check my email through my phone. And there was an email from my supervising teacher that I keep in touch with. She usually forwards encouragement titled "God's Promises" only Monday's, but there happened to be another one sent this week that she had sent that day, Friday, June 11, 2010. I had just been praying and asking GOD to just protect my heart and keep it from the hurt that was gonna come like all the other times before. I was telling Him that I won't hope for something that wasn't and couldn't be. And here is what I got:

"Everything God does is love-even when we do not understand Him." ~Basilea Schlink

Lord, thanks for loving us so much!
Love in Him,
Debbie

"O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusted in him."
Psalm 34:8

At this point, I think I was making the message go the way I wanted and said... see I don't understand this all and I have to just trust you, everything happens for a reason and I'll be ok without, your timing is perfect. I confirmed my don't hope for this.... And then I read some more:

This week's promise: God's timing is perfect

Delay Is Not Rejection

Although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days and did not go to them. Finally, after two days, he said to his disciples, "Let's go to Judea again."
John 11:5-7 NLT

God often delays His response out of love, as He works all things together for good. ~Jeanne Zornes

Waiting with hope

Mary and Martha had sent their friend Jesus a message about the critical condition of their brother, Lazarus, and their urgent need for his help: "Lord, the one you love is very sick" (John 11:3). But instead of rushing off to Bethany, Jesus stayed where he was for two days before responding to Mary and Martha's plea. When he did arrive, he raised Lazarus from the dead in a magnificent display of his power.

Just as Mary and Martha struggled when Jesus answered their prayers for Lazarus in a time and way different from what they had expected, we get frustrated when the Lord delays in coming to us and answering our prayers.

As it did for the grieving sisters, two days (or two months or two years) of waiting can seem like an eternity to us. But in the midst of the "delay," God is not inactive. He is teaching us patience, perseverance, and faith and is planning to glorify himself in our circumstances. While we are waiting, he wants to cleanse our hearts and refocus us on Jesus. The Spirit always knows what will glorify God, and we can trust him when we're in the waiting room.

LORD, help me to wait for you in hope and perseverance, knowing that you will come. Grant me patience and faith in the waiting room of life yet to be.

I can't begin to tell you the overwhelming feeling of Peace that I had and the words: Waiting with Hope just stuck out and warmed my heart, then I heard 'jump'.... and I fought it again, even recalling Habakkuk 2:3.

Secondly, The rest of my morning goes into more details during a conversation with some Young Life leaders from another state. All I know is at the end of it they said: "What are the chances that GOD would have us at the same camp during the same week and give you connections".... again, Peace in my heart and Jump in my head.... Really GOD, Really!??!

It goes on when that night I read "God Calling" June 11- THE MARK!
O Lord, we thank Thee for Thy great gift of Peace.
That is the Peace, that only I can give in the midst of a restless world and surrounded by trouble and difficulty. To know that Peace is to have received the stamp of the Kingdom- the mark of the Lord Jesus Christ. My Mark. When you have learned that Peace you are fit to judge of true values, the values of the Kingdom, and the values of all the world has to offer. That Peace is loving faith at rest.

We travel home on Saturday... which has many things to tell on its own, especially the BIG driving scare we had.... Praising GOD for keeping us ALL safe in my vehicle and preventing something from happening that could have been really, really bad!

Once I arrive home and get Murray.... I do some unpacking and laundry and then go to spend some time with GOD... Knowing that this next week I'm locking myself in to complete my grad project. I read a hand out one of the head leaders gave us one leader meeting during the week at camp and then "God Calling" for the day, REALLY:

After Obedience- What? "My Utmost for His Highest":
July 28 Oswald Chambers
"And straightway He constrained His disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side..." ~Mark 6:45-52
We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end. What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process- that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God. God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards. What men call training and preparation, God calls the end. God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious.

"God Calling" June 12- HOUSE ON A ROCK
Be watchful to hear My Voice and instantly to obey. Obedience is your sign of faith. "Why call ye Me Lord, Lord, and do not the things that I say?" was My word when on Earth to the many who followed and heard, but did not do. I likened the man who heard and did not do to the man who built his house on the sand. In times of storm and trouble he is overthrown; his house falls. I likened the man who obeyed Me implicitly to the man who built his house upon a rock. In times of storm he is steadfast, immovable. Do not feel that by this I mean only the keeping of My Commandments, even the living My Sermon on the Mount. I mean more than that to those who know Me intimately. I mean the following, in all, the Inner Guiding that I give, the little injunctions I speak to each individual soul, the wish I express- and the desire to have carried out. The secure, steadfast, immovable life of My disciples, the Rock Home, is not built at a wish, in a moment, but is laid, stone by stone, foundations, walls, roof, by the acts of obedience, the daily following out of My wishes, the loving doing of My Will. And it is in the Rock Home, manmade but divinely inspired- The House of Obedience- the truest expression of a disciple's adoration and worship- it is there I come to dwell with My loved one.

It would seem I'd have a dream, desire, a goal (like the bar) to reach.... BUT I can honestly say that that is NOT playing a part in this at all.... matter of fact it is the thing that is probably making me fight the words I'm hearing from GOD.... It doesn't make any sense to "jump"... why when I KNOW my heart is broken and I have security, though little, where I'm at..... I gotta TRUST GOD, but what I'm thinking the purpose and outcome is the same as it always is.... so why "jump"? Ugh!!

Today's "God Calling" even spoke more to me.... I know I'm not explaining it and am keeping many details out of this (though think HOW Long it already is)... many may know exactly what I'm talking and thinking about, but....

Anyways, let me share for today and finish this... then get to work on closing a chapter of my journey by finishing up my Masters project and being DONE.... Then, I'll Be Still, and Know that HE is GOD.... I know I'll Listen and Obey, but can I ask HIM for a clear, loud voice and some security in the "jump"?

"God Calling" June 13- GOD-INSPIRED
You have entered now upon a mountain climb. Steep steps lead upward, but your power to help others will be truly marvelous. Not alone will you arise. All towards whom you now send loving, pitying thoughts will be helped upward by you. Looking to Me all your thoughts are God-Inspired. Act on them and you will be led on. They are not your own impulses but the movement of My Spirit and , obeyed, will bring the answer to your prayers. Love and Trust. Let no unkind thoughts of any dwell in your hearts, then I can act with all My Spirit-power, with nothing to hinder.

Fight for Joy!!

Those are the words that keep crossing my mind and heart this morning. My first morning of summer break. Though I have the grad project to finish up and would love to have done before leaving for summer camp on Saturday, I'm taking some time for me. Actually, more to spend with Daddy GOD. I truthfully have NOT spent the time with HIM that I should have over the past couple of years. Truthfully, I haven't fought for Joy either.....

So as I slept in this morning and then decided to do some reading before really getting up and starting the day (that would be starting the busyness of the day, since this is the ABSOLUTE best way I could think of starting a day to be honest!). I'm finishing up reading the book, "Walking with God" by John Eldredge, a book I have been reading for well over a year now.

John Eldrege has been walking with God through the seasons.... I LOVE that I FINALLY started spring this morning.... especially knowing that is most likely where my heart is finally at after a very very very long winter.

We are suppose to fight for Joy.... wow, it is ringing all around me this morning. And if I think back a week, and recall numerous moments, events in my life from my past I should be feeling heart broken and disappointed right now.... though all I have thought about and can think about over the past week, well don't get me wrong I did have a day full of tears, heart pain, and confusion... BUT, all I have thought and can think about at this moment is Fighting for Joy..... I have so much HOPE and JOY right now at this moment.... and the many other thoughts that have been going through my heart and head would sound absolutely crazy to anyone I know in my life if I shared them with them. They would be saying what are you thinking....

Because of ALL the thoughts that have been running through every part of my soul, I am trying to be still and silent with GOD.... that silent part is hard, especially for me on any given day, but when my heart and mind are running wild so to speak it seems even harder, BUT I REALLY want to know it is HIM I am hearing....

FIGHT FOR JOY..... I had to stop and write, but don't even know what part of what is going on in me to actually share at the moment, yet at the same time I want to go back and read the rest.... the very last few pages (which I did just do, so I'm done with the book... Yahoo, finally).

FIGHT FOR JOY.... here are the parts that I underlined for some reason or another in the Spring section of the book, pages 177-208.... FIGHT FOR JOY:

"To love winter, or to love anything or anybody, you must let go and give yourself over to it."

...The weather got me thinking about acceptance and surrender, which then led me to think about more significant, lingering, and long-standing disappointments in my life.... we sabotage a lot of God's intended joy simply by the way we approach life.... And so, whatever else might be the reasons for our disappointments, there is no question that God uses them to draw us to himself.... God knows the danger of ignoring our hearts, and so he reawakens desire.... More often than not this awakening of desire is an invitation from God to seek what we've given up as lost, an invitation to try again. ...Don't give up.... but what they point to, what is coming through them.... God used her to awaken a longing, to get to a long-buried part of my heart so that he could heal me. When desire is awakened, by whatever source, the thing to pray is, God what do you have for me?... But to send your heart into exile because of your longings have no hope of being met is also to exile your heart from the love of God. And he would have your whole heart. ...All because we won't sort out our internal issues for ourselves. ... How many precious things do we let go, give up, surrender because it seems that life is too busy, it's a hassle to fight through to make it happen, or we assume we know what's best or inevitable, and we don't even stop to ask God? ...We try to figure it out. It's not the same thing as walking with God. We simply don't see all that God sees. God says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8). He knows what's ahead. He knows what we need. So ask him. I am asking, but the reception isn't superclear right now. I don't have a signal. So what I've done is write out the questions on a pad of paper, one at a time: ...But today, after a few moments, I hear him saying, Fight for it. ...it seemed counterintuitive, I didn't trust it. ...I realized I'm going to need to trust God on this. Smile. Isn't that the point- that we trust God enough to follow him? ...My life often feels like it makes no sense. ...I'm going to fight for joy. ...It's about my yieldedness to God, and it's about hope. I don't want to live a defensive life, constantly steeling myself against the future, wary to trust, wary to believe. I want to be open to all God has for me. I want to live the life he wants me to live. ...This is where it all gets lived out. In the moment. ...

After all, this is the opening page of a new book in my life, the next chapter with God. ...Looking down at the blank page, I quietly ask God in my heart, What needs to go here? You know what he said. My Love. So that is what I write down. That is all I write on that opening page. Two words. "My Love." It is more than enough. Whatever else gets written in this journal, whatever stories told, whatever prayers, all the processing of life, let it all come under this. Let it be a continuation of this. His love. I sit there and look at it- let it sink in. I am turning my heart toward his love. Letting it be true. Letting it be life to me. What else, Lord? Believe my love. Yes, I do. I believe your love. And something in me is shifting. I am coming to believe it more than I ever have. It is changing me. I feel less driven. Less compulsive. Less grasping. And less empty. I feel like I want to stay here. To live in his love.

Wow, is all I can say.... I'm feeling overwhelmed by HIS LOVE at the moment.... I'm feeling strong and confident in a way I NEVER ever have before. I do need to admit that I lost a little bit of my thought process in writing this due to a phone call I took, but it was a conversation with someone that has a lot to do with ALL the thoughts that have been going through my heart and head over the past week.... something that is the source of a smile on my face, no better yet in my heart. Something I can't really explain, but that is causing me to draw ever so closer to my loving father God. Something, no someone that is more than they know they are. Not sure if that makes sense, but hey... seems like lots right now going on in my head seems crazy. I do long and want that silence with God so I can really hear Him. I think sometimes our hopes and our past hurts become blockades to what HE really has for us.

But, right now at this moment.... I think of a dear friend who told me that the one thing they knew for sure about me was that I didn't do anything that I didn't believe I had heard from GOD, that I always did follow HIS guidance even if it seemed absolutely crazy to the world.... and even though a couple of things I thought I heard, did NOT turn out the way I thought.... well it, they are still amazing because though they caused me over the years to doubt and question my own heart, I can NOW look at them in this moment not as the specific thing I heard in my heart, but what they point to, what is coming through them.

As I FIGHT FOR JOY I'll end with: This much I know is true, That God blessed the broken road, That led me straight to.....

God's affirmation

When you look to others for your affirmation, you have to find ways to get a fresh supply, which eventually will run you ragged. But God's affirmation will fill your emotional tank even more than any human's flattering words will. When you sense the God of the universe saying to you, "I see everything you are doing and your hard work brings me great joy; you are so beautiful to me even when you are sleeping; I see your heart and you are so very special to me," His sentiments will send you reeling further than any man ever could. ~ Every Woman's Battle, page 171

Also found it interesting reading in Walking with God by John Eldredge last night with all that has been happening and I have been thinking about:

It's really important, when you've come under an attack, to assess what the open door might be.... Conduits. Open doors. The enemy will use anything he can find to assault us or bring trouble into our homes. ~page 173 and 174

And you may discover that you can have a conduit in your possession for some time and it doesn't seem to be a channel for evil, but then the enemy comes looking for an open door and finds this object useful to his purposes and it suddenly becomes a problem. The same principle holds true for unconfessed sins in our past or old agreements we have never broken. They may lie dormant for years, but then the enemy finds them or returns to use them for his present schemes. In the same way that we use spiritual attacks to do a personal inventory (Have I opened the door to this, Lord? Is there something I need to confess, repent of, or break covenant with?), we find that our households need to be sanctified and kept holy as well. ~pg.176

Just finding the words thought provoking, not really sure what to make of it all.... but it does affirm thoughts that God has given me.

ME...

Today is all about me.... that is because it is my Birthday!!!! And what a day it has been...

Started right after midnight when two good friends called to let me know it was my Birthday. And it just continued to be good.... loved getting different messages when someone had posted something on my facebook wall... but,

...the best part was a phone call while having breakfast with a friend whom I share this day with. I think the part that made this good was the way my eyes lit up and the warm fuzzy feeling I got in my heart.... should actually have made my broken heart ache.... but, my heart glowed with His light and the only word I can think of to describe it is Hope!!

Anyways that said, I just feel so much Love and this bold kind of confidence that I have never ever experienced before. I can't explain it, and if I tried who knows what others would think of the thoughts I've been having.

I Know what I would have liked to have for my Birthday, but.... all I can do is Hope and Wait upon the Lord. Daddy God knows my heart really really well and Knows at this particular moment I WANT and NEED to be still before HIM and Listen to HIS voice. I NEED SILENCE.... yes, you read that right.... may be a hard thing for me to achieve, but Daddy GOD knows. HE knows too that though I would have liked something else for my Birthday, I am completely happy with the way it played out throughout the day.

I want to share the prayer in "every woman, every day" by Shannon Ethridge for today:

As much as I'm able to love someone I can't see or touch, Jesus, I love You. I know You are real. I know You are here with me and even within me, but I have to admit sometimes I just want someone with skin on to love and love me back.

Forgive me for feeling that You aren't enough, Jesus. Would You let me feel Your touch? Would You let me know Your heart intimately? Would You help me hear Your voice? Be enough for me, Lord. Help me be satisfied in You.

The only part I may change is that I DO KNOW HE is enough.... I am satisfied with HIM.... and the truth is I don't just want someone with skin on to love and love me back.... Daddy GOD and I KNOW who I WANT as that someone... I think he has already stolen my heart, just wish he could give me his!!

Moments...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Seems like while I'm ALWAYS seeking, worshiping, and trusting Him I am thanking Him, but the moments for praising in reference to the above only happen briefly in order that every quiet difficult painful moment can be gotten through. At least this seems true in my life.

Please!!!!

God, at this moment in time.... this gotta be different than the past.... Please, oh please make it different. Draw me to You! How can I have this Peace in my heart going one way and yet reality is saying something different. Saying this moment in time, this situation is just gonna end the same!! BUT, I feel a peace about something else..... confusion is NOT from you DADDY GOD! Lord, my cry and prayer is to see you, feel you, hear you, know you... Right Now. Let us Rest in your arms.

WIN ME-WIN ALL

"God Calling" for May 20
You will conquer. The conquering spirit is never crushed. Keep a brave and trusting heart. Face all your difficulities in the spirit of Conquest. Rise to greater heights than you have known before. Remember where I am is Victory. Forces of evil, within and without you, flee at My Presence. Win Me and all is won. All.

Just a little hug from GOD, what comfort the words gave. TRUSTING HIM and trying to rest in HIS Love, Peace, and Victory!

Snare of Speculation....

Have you ever felt that snare of speculation? Has that imagination of yours run wild? Mine is right now, though it is hard to not let it. Everything that is happening and surrounding me seems so familiar. A place I seem to have been several times in my life before and I'm letting one thought turn into a huge thing. It's running rampant. My heart and mouth want to keep saying God is in control. He has a plan and all is gonna work out. I keep telling myself to TRUST HIM, but my head is entertaining every thought, speculation, and my imagination is on full force. Which in turn is giving the enemy of my life the opporturnity to speak little words... of course allowing myself to get caught in the snare of speculation. And to doubt and fear.

I spent some time reading tonight..... I LOVE how GOD speaks so much through that (though it wasn't the Bible, but a couple of other books: "God Calling" by AJ Russell and "Walking with God" by John Eldredge)

I asked for Prayer earlier tonight by emailing some close friends, because I was obviously praying myself and drawing close to God but needed a little more.... "God Calling" titled Pray and Praise said:
"I will be much entreated because I know that only in that earnest supplication, and the calm trust that results, does man learn Strength and gain Peace... Never weary in prayer... Prayer changes all... Pray until you almost cease to pray, because trust has become so rock like, and then pray on because it has become so much a habit that you cannot resist it.... And always pray until Prayer merges into Praise... It is the Love and Laughter of your attitude towards man interpreted in the Prayer and Praise of your attitude towards God."

Only typed the parts that spoke to me. Tomorrows is titled Sorrow To Joy!

I then go on to read a bit in "Walking with God". The first little section was titled: Give Them to Me..... about giving people over to God in prayer.... the next section was titled: The Snare of Speculation. Which of course is about our imagination,
"Another word for this is speculation. Entertaining possibilities, such as, I could get mouth cancer or This plane could go down. My imagination has all the restraint of a wild horse. The speculation thing was happening a lot in my relationships."

John Eldridge goes on to give numerous examples of this and then writes:
"This speculation is devastating to relationships, and mine was running rampant."..... hmmm, I stopped there and have another page to read before going to sleep.... but, had to write. Felt like God was telling me that my imagination/speculation was running rampant and getting the best of me too.... that I was giving the enemy an opportunity in.... but, also reminding me that I couldn't fight alone so I reached out to three wonderful, amazing friends who I knew would Give me to Him in prayer....

Praisin Jesus and knowing He does Love me so much.... after all He blessed my life with so many wonderful people who love me and care so much about me. Friends who truly hurt when I hurt.

I went on to read:
"If you begin to introduce uncertainty into your soul with the search for something wrong there, under the conviction something's wrong, well guess what- you'll soon find yourself distress, because something is worng. What's wrong is that you're no longer trusting God. You've move out of the restful posture of faith and assurance, and that is wrong. ...My obsesing has brought only distress, and Satan the opportunist has used it time and time again. I have to bring my imagination under the rule of God, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit."

That's right where I'm at tonight, but DON'T want to be there..... I'm fighting my own mind and yet it is so hard because this place I "FEEL" I'm at and in is so familar that it is hard to believe that it won't end the same. Maybe that is because it may be easier if it does. So I feel caught in the snare of speculating that this too will end the same as they always do, but that is letting that imagination that God gave me run wild and rampant. Don't I TRUST HIM? I know I do and I know He has a wonderful plan for me and has already blessed my life in so many ways and continues to..... Give me to HIM!

Close... Get... Live...

I should be asleep, but I read this in "God Calling" by AJ Russell for May 12 and just had to share it:

"Turn out all thoughts of doubt and of trouble. Never tolerate them for one second. Bar the windows and doors of your souls against them as you would bar your home against a thief who would steal in to take your treasures. What greater treasures can you have than Peace and Rest and Joy? And these are all stolen from you by doubt and fear and despair. Face each day with Love and Laughter. Face the storm. Joy, Peace, Love, My great gifts. Follow Me to find all three. I want you to feel the thrill of protection and safety now. Any soul can feel this in a harbor, but real joy and victory come to those alone who sense these when they ride a storm. Say, 'All is well.' Say it not as a vain repetition. Use it as you use a healing balm for cut or wound, until the poison is drawn out; then, until the sore is healed; then, until the thrill of fresh life floods your being. All is well."

Funny thing is I remember this one when I was in Korea.... though it was only the 'all is well'..... God spoke then with a friend sending me the words to the song after I had read this while the song actually played in the background. Just LOVE the way GOD continues to speak through it.... and LOVE the hugs, reminding me that I AM EXACTLY WHERE I'M SUPPOSE TO BE AT THE MOMENT!!

I feel I NEVER write any more and yet GOD truly has spoken so many different times at exact moments and I feel soo sooo soooo much is going on in my life that needs to be written here, or at least in my journal (which hasn't really been written in since I was in Korea).... that is just so sad. I even noticed on here with blogging that I have five different entries that have been started where GOD was speaking but I just didn't have the time to go back and finish them or use the Daily Bread and God Calling entries that spoke to me.... NOW I don't even know if I know why they touched me, but I'll keep those drafts in the draft/entry log through Blogger that only I see with the title I gave them.... for that at least gives me an idea that GOD was talking at the time, I just didn't take the time to share those thoughts and words and get them down. They go all the way back to October of 2009...

REALLY excited to finally be living life to the fullest again. Just gotta finish up this LAST project for Grad School and I'll have my Masters. It was fun walking and celebrating Graduation last weekend with close friends and some of the women I went through it all with.

I wanna LIVE, LOVE, and LAUGH again like I was created to do. Oh yeah, that reminds me of what I read in the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan for Bible Study on May 12. I finished the last two pages right before going and it opened my heart to experience GOD throughout the whole night. The only thing that wasn't great about the night was losing a phone call with someone I LOVE talking too.... hard sharing what GOD was and is doing with someone you care deeply about and then get cut off but, I guess there is a reason for everything.... Just TRUSTIN GOD.

Anyways, here is what the last paragraph in the book had written and what made me cry because I was moved by GOD and exactly what I LONG to do again with 100% of who I am.

"Now close this book. Get on your knees before our holy, loving God. And then live the life with your friends, your family, parents, spouse, children, neighbors, enemies, and strangers that He has created and empowered you through the Holy Spirit to live. May you be able to say at the end of your life, along with Paul, 'I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.' ~2 Timothy 4:7-8 (ESV)"

Sixty Seconds...

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.” ~Source unknown

In Love with...

A couple of weeks ago I posted an entry titled "Ready?", which was really an email that a friend sent me in response to an email update I sent out. Again, it has really been on my heart so I went to search my "old" email account to see if I could find the email that I sent that inspired her response. I found it and read it today.... it was from August 6, 2003 and here is what I wrote and almost feel like I'm feeling again:

And I think the most important thing I need to share with you all is that I AM IN LOVE. Yes, can you believe it my love life feels complete at the moment. I never thought I could ever feel this way in my whole life. Oh, I guess I should mention who I am in love with right? I am in LOVE with God like I have never been before. I know there is a song out that says "99.9% sure I have never been here before". That is me. I have loved Him since the day I opened my heart to Him. But Sunday, it just hit me so hard. How much love there is. I am so full of love and Joy right now I feel as though I am ready to burst wide open. I don't know what really brought it on. It may have been the past two months, drawing closer to Him every day, trying to allow Him to have complete control of my life, the book I was reading that day, or maybe looking back and remembering where I have been. I thought of all of the people who have been a part of my journey. All the words of encouragement from each one. I just really don't know other than I am in love in a way I have never been before. I know with out a doubt that God has a hold of the pen. He is writing my story, not me. He is the only One who knows what the next chapter holds, I only have to worry about living the page I am on right now. I don't ever want this feeling to end. I feel as though I am floating on air. I really wish I could share this love and joy with each and everyone of you in a personal way. I guess I am by sending this to you. Some of you may not understand, or think I'm weird. That is ok, I just know I don't need anything else but Him. His love has always stayed the same. I just feel so different. This is amazing I want you all to feel this.

I just knew something big was coming on a page soon, I just never imagined it would be this GREAT!!! Thank you all for being a part of my story. May God bless you in an amazing way this very moment.

You are all are loved by a wonderful God in Heaven, open your hearts to Him. It will change your life.

w/ much love,
Kimie, Kimberly, Kim, Kimster, Mich, Morton, etc...... (you know what you call me)