Giving it ALL

Again this morning at Church, I met the Risen Christ. Though my heart is very heavy right now. This may be due to the fact that I didn't sleep very well Friday night, and not at all Saturday night. I did take advantage of last night being awake by praying. Really praying, where I know I met Christ because the tears flowed so easily.

Today a few moments stand out:
Like when a couple shared about not wanting to have children, and yet God had them have two. And then had spoken to their hearts to adopt, so they did. And now once again God was speaking about adopting, this time a special needs child from China (I really recalled the Robbins' journey in getting their son, whom they have almost had for a year now). The husband shared how he didn't want to adopt, but that when it is God, God moves. That includes even when we want to be disobedient.

Then another woman shared about how God's Word does not return void. And how these two girls from Saudi Arabia at her school failed a Bible quiz, other than the scripture they had memorized.

You had to be here to hear these be told, but they moved my heart.

And then during the message, Pastor continued with the Life Investments. We are still on number 3, opportunities to become like Christ. It was based on 1 Peter 4:12, and at one point he talked about the process of refining gold. This made me recall a moment back in Nashville with the youth department and "The Refiner's Fire", which is how we ended up with the name of 'The Refinery' for our Sunday night youth service.

Maybe this is why my heart is heavy tonight: I am tired, and I long to have God have every part of my heart. I want to surrender all and be used by Him. That is having Him use me no matter what the cost. Oh sure, I have given Him it over and over again. Tonight is just another moment where I want Him to refine me. I am also recalling the couple this morning and their words: I too want to be disobedient, my flesh doesn't want to be here. I want to be at home. But my spirit and my heart, knows that I am exactly where God wants me. He also knows my heart better than anyone, and in His will is really the only place I want to be. So I will remain obedient. That is at all cost, including my very life. I give it all to Him and Trust.

I was also told this past week, that I was a gift to someone here. That I am an answer to their prayers. They said I was the angel that God sent them. It touched my heart and I know why God brought me here, instead of one of the other three places I could have gone. All I can do is Praise Jesus, even with this heavy heart.