Merry Christmas

"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.

As we unwrap gifts this year may we be reminded of the greatest; LOVE ever demonstrated, GIFT ever given, and CHOICE ever offered.

God freely gives us the Gift of His Son. Will you choose to receive it? We do have a choice, yet there are many in our world who don't know they have a choice. This is a reality of a personal God with a personal Love.

May you choose to receive His gift and in return may you give the gift of your Heart and Life to Him this Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.

May you meet the Risen Christ in every moment and memory this Season has to offer.

All I Want for Christmas.....

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth....oh wait, I already have them.

Actually all that I really want for Christmas is a phone call and an answer from God about next year. I have already gotten some great things this year. I received a package from home filled with love, I get to take a trip to Bali with some really cool girls, I have spent time as part of a family, I got a coat to keep my legs warm in the cold, and a new camera.

But again, I know what I really want for Christmas and so does God.......however, it is much different than the usual thing I hope for. Yes, those of you who really know me may recall what I usually ask for for Christmas. I don't want that this year, just a phone call will do.

There are a few other things I would like to ask for. For instance; peace on Earth, hearts that love as Christ loved, people who take risks because they are not focused on themselves, healing, actions and not lip service from others, etc..........I could go on and on, but I will pray for these things and allow God to work in His timing.

Though my heart doesn't think I will get what I want for Christmas, I am still going to hope and wish for it anyways.

The DMZ
Today I had an opportunity to go and visit the DMZ with the USO tour. The DMZ is the Korean Demilitarized Zone. I actually stepped foot into North Korea. It was a strange feeling standing and looking at the North Korean side, knowing my picture was probably taken a million times and knowing I could only see two guards, yet there was a lot more and many guns aimed at us that we could not see. It was all surreal. We also got to go down into one of the tunnels that have been found under ground inside the DMZ going in the direction of Seoul. I think today helped me write all those other things I would like to ask for Christmas. To know I was standing on ground where many people have lost there lives in hope of freedom. I can not explain how it all felt. I just feel so blessed and thankful that this opportunity was made available. We were on the waiting list and just got in at the last minute. We so need to pray for the people who are still in North Korea. God needs to move in this part of the world in a very big way. Here is a link that I found that just gives some general information on the DMZ: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_Demilitarized_Zone

We were not allowed to take many pictures but I hope to have them added to Seoul Pictures soon. I also got to visit Gyeongbokgung Palace the day before. It has been fun to finally do some touring of the area I am living in for a short while.

Snow

It REALLY snowed tonight. It was so pretty and made the city look so clean at first. The first snowfall always brings out the child in adults. I was out with the 20/30 Somethings, and it was great to feel like a kid.

However, it took almost 25 minutes to hail a taxi in order to get home. The snow was falling but was very heavy and very wet. I actually had a taxi finally pull over and asked where we were going though it had a passenger. She allowed us to join her. Then the driver ended up picking up another passenger with me and my friend. And then we picked up two very interesting girls. The problem came again when the driver would not take us all the way up to my home here. So we ended up walking the rest of the way.

It was very cold and interesting to say the least, but the joy of the snow and the laughter when it first began just made me smile through the rest.

It was fun talking to Glauce, from Brazil. It was her first time in the snow and she loved it. She went out with Wilson and Marinda (Wilson's daughter) to play in it.

Oh, the joy of hearts filled with laughter. Praise Jesus for these moments.

Interesting Week

Wow, the beginning of the week was turned into an Us vs. Them type thing. That was because someone spoke out with the truth and stirred things up. Praise Jesus this finally happened. I even spoke out when someone was ugly and evil to someone else. Therefore, putting me in the outs more than I was. Because of this my one ally and support tried to push me out of their life, and though it hurt.....I was persistent. She was trying to protect me. I told her that I was 37 and old enough to do what I wanted. I would rather do the right thing than be a people pleaser and accepted into the crowd. I don't give up on people I care about and believe in.......so some of you reading this better remember that.

The end of the week had a whole different feel to it. We were also given our contracts for next year today. We have a month before we have to turn them in if we are staying. I know that two people were not offered a contract for next year....this may be a reason for the different attitudes the past couple of days.

I got to talk with a friend for guidance and though I am not 100% sure what I will do for next year, I am leaning a little more to one choice than the other. I am going to keep it in prayer.

The best part of the week was getting a package. It brought so much joy to my heart. My class said they felt blessed to see my joy. The drawings, cards, and pictures reminded me what I left back in Denver. I also got a Christmas card from another friend. I can't believe how much mail can lift your spirit.

Laughter

To see God's hand in everything
makes life a great adventure.

This was part of Our Daily Bread today. Though this has been a very up and down journey for me, I have seen God's hand in so many things and so many moments.

My class made me so proud of them last night during the Christmas program. They were responsible and helpful. Heck, when it was over they waited to ask me if they could go to their parents. They are amazing and I am soooo very blessed.

Wilson's children arrived last night as well. They called me this morning to come up and decorate the Christmas tree with them. I felt like I was with family.

Tonight we sat around and played cards.........I haven't felt this relaxed and this full of laughter in a very long time. We were definitely only in the moment.

Praise God for all His wonderful gifts and for this adventure called life. I don't know how anyone could miss embracing it all for all it has to offer. That includes both laughter and tears.....I am glad that there has been laughter in my heart these past few days.

Boring

Can someone tell where it says in the Bible that it is bad to say "Boring." I don't get why when my students hear this word they react as if it is the worst thing in the world and that they are bad because of it. The scary thing today is that I saw two teachers react the same way.

Tonight I went with Glauce to Itaewon, as we were leaving from eating another person tried to witness to us. This would be the second time in less than a week.

I meet the Risen Christ everyday with my class. Today I watched an angel at work. My class loves to go down and give Wilson hugs and spread some of Jesus' love, one girl in particular went around and hugged all the high school girls in the room, then said "But Miss Morton, no one hugged the boys, Can I?" I am very blessed.

Make A Difference

God again encouraged me and spoke through the message at church this morning. Here are my notes from it.

Pastor Tim started by saying "You will influence everyone who comes into your life. How will you impact or influence?"

Our lives make a difference, we were CREATED, SAVED, AND CALLED to make a difference.

You can look at these scriptures, if you want.
Created: Matthew 25:34-40, Genesis 12:2, Psalm 139:16, and Jeremiah 29:11
Saved: Ephesians 2:8-10
Called: Esther 4:14 and Romans 8:28

Which of the two kingdoms will you make a difference for? The Kingdom of Light or Darkness?

Interesting that when I came home later and read Our Daily Bread for today the scripture went right along with this from church. Acts 26:17-18; I now send you, to open their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light....

God does have a plan and NO ONE can stop Him. If we choose not to follow or be a part. We miss out.

This is what was said that got to me the most:
When you belong to God..GOD HAS PUT YOU WHERE YOU ARE NOW AND IN YOUR OBEDIENCE YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE..

He has put you there for "...such a time as this..." (Esther 4:14)

The question is will you join Him? Will you invest yourself in this opportunity God has given in order to make a difference, no matter what the cost?

After all, we have been BLESSED to be a BLESSING....

Witness

On my way to meet Nichole at the subway station, I was stopped by a Korean lady. She asked if I knew who God was? I answered yes, that I knew God and was a Christian, she asked me what church I went to. After, I told her she proceeded to say that she was with the Church of God....and tried to witness....I think.

She kept asking if I knew God's name. I am still not sure what she wanted to know. She went to scripture. First, to Matthew 28:19-20, and pointed to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I said these where titles, which Pastor Hardwick shared once and that the LORD JESUS CHRIST, were the names to those titles. One God manifested in three. She said 'NO' and went to John 6:49-51 and asked what manna was. When she didn't like my answer she went to Revelation 22:17 and asked who the bride was. Now when I told her we were, the church....well, you should have heard her 'NO' this time.

Now remember by this time I am late to meet Nichole, I had text her to say I was there....but hadn't heard back from her. I kept trying to get away from this lady. I told her I believed and that I knew Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I asked her if she knew John 3:16, but she would not accept my responses. I was praying please God, either give me the words to say or a way out. Just then Nichole called me. Praise God!!

The strange thing for me is how I was able to remember the scripture she used.

Nichole and I went to meet up with the other 20/30 Somethings that were skating. Then 12 of us went to dinner, to a 'noraebang', and ended the night at 'Starbucks'.

I had Burger King because I am getting a little tired of Korean food all the time. It was the best meal I've had in awhile. I think that is kind of sad.

The 'Noraebang' you'll all find interesting. It is a room that you rent and sing Karaoke in.

It was a good night. Though I am laughing, we should just call the group '20 Somethings and a 30ish'

Tears

Today I woke up with a very sore neck, along with the pain I have been experiencing in my chest, which most likely is my upper right lung.

Oh, and tears that keep flowing so freely.......and I don't know why?

If it is like any other time in my history on my journeys with this adventure called life, then I would say that it was God preparing my heart for something big.

The moment I recall when I felt it like this the strongest was at Summer Jubilee 1997. Allyson, you wondered as to why my tears that flow so easily were not present before I left....they are definitely being made up for now.

Maybe these tears are flowing because my heart is so full, full with both Joy and heaviness. I am so overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts, my mind and heart are always pondering things. I am also sure this is why I am not sleeping very well.

Maybe these tears are the way my spirit is allowing me to release it all and give it over to God.

Though I do embrace the moments of the day that are met with the Risen Christ.....

My class and their precious hearts, I smile just when they walk into the room. They asked a million times to go and spread some of God's love to others. I felt their JOY.

Or the moment when Shou-Liang (pronounced sho-young) was angry. I hugged him and told him that Jesus and I loved him. I asked him if he knew how excited I was to have him in my class next year. You should have seen the way his anger turned into a small smile. My heart was warm.

Or when Sammy, who used to call me 'old lady', said "See you Mom". I am playing his mom in the Christmas Program next Friday. I must admit being called mom, had a nice ring to it.

And then tonight, when Momma W said "Your problem is that you are more homesick than you think".....those tears started to flow again because her words hit right in the center of my heart. I guess I am!!

I was also encouraged with God's Word:
Job 23: 10-17
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands, of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. But he stands alone, and who can oppose him? He does whatever he pleases. He carries out his decree against me, and many such plans he still has in store. That is why I am terrified before him; when I think of all this, I fear him. God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me. Yet I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face.

Snow Flurries

My class got so excited right before lunch because it had started to snow. It actually left a dusting on cars over night. Those 6 precious children of God could not stay in their seats, they just wanted to get up and look out the window. Sad thing was by recess it had stopped....I am sure there are more days of snow to come though, this was only the first.

It was very cold today. I finally wore one of my turtle neck sweaters. I actually wore a tank top underneath the sweater, and it was sooo cold in school that I also put on a long button down sweater (it goes down to mid-thigh on me). As the day went on the snow changed to rain, you all would have gotten a kick out of me as I was walking down the street. I had on both sweaters and my Taku jacket (Praise God for REI), so the sweater hung down longer than the Taku. I was a sight, but I was warm.

I know once it gets colder my legs will be cold out walking around, since mid-thigh to my ankles were freezing. I wish I would have bought more than just one pair of the Patagonia thermals. They will be getting worn out for sure in the near future.

The good thing was that I was walking down to meet the girls I am going to Bali with. We paid for our plane tickets today. So though I was cold, I had warm thoughts of being on the beach in just a few weeks.

God used the snow today too. My class uses Our Daily Bread as part of devotions (The school gets copies written in both Korean & English). Today's ODB was titled Thankful For Seasons and we read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. This also went along with us continually talking about sowing and reaping, especially JOY! As my class would say "PRAISE JESUS!"

"Whatever our situation is today, we can be thankful for God's seasons"-Dennis Fisher

Just as the winter turns to spring,
Our lives have changing seasons too;
So when a gloomy forecast comes,
Remember- God has plans for you. -Sper

Ecclesiastes 3:1
To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under Heaven.

Ironic

I forgot to write about the cute girl who approached me last Saturday walking to my exit from the Subway on my way to the Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, and I was with other foreigners too. I think I stand out a little more, that is why she noticed me.

She asked me where I was from, what my name was, and what I did here. She was in 6th grade. Her English was very good. I wish I could have answered her back in Korean though. I love those moments with children here.

Ironically, on Sunday morning at Korean class we finally learned some basic phrases. Yes, I learned to answer all three of her questions. I could answer her now.... 'chonun miguk saram ieyo', 'chonun Kimie eyo', and 'chonun sonsaengnim ieyo'.

Those exact three question were what we learned. I wonder though if I would have been brave enough to use them.

Taxi Frenzy

I went to my first movie in Korea tonight. I met friends, we had dinner and then went to see a movie. The movie was an American one in English, with Korean subtitles. The funny part was being the only ones in the theatre who were laughing or getting some of it.

The movie got out late. The subway and buses stop running at midnight and trying to get a taxi was very interesting....I am glad I was with friends who knew what they were doing, because I would never have gotten home and would have ended up in tears....It would have been a long walk at midnight. No one would take us to where we live, or they would take a Korean over us. Just when it was seeming hopeless, I started to pray and asked God to please help us. Right at the moment we hailed a taxi that would take us. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

It was an adventure to say the least. It is just good to finally be getting out and doing things. However again, I have a feeling I am not in.......anymore.

1 Chronicles 16:8

Give Thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done.

Did you know that Psalm 105:1 says the same thing?

Thanksgiving,what a great day to think about all the blessings God has given us. So many things to be thankful for and so many memories to reflect on. It reminds me of all the things we take for granted. All the things I miss and how very thankful I am that I want to shout from the top of the highest mountain for all to hear how GREAT GOD IS!

Today, I am mostly thankful for falling in love with and finding a Savior in the Lord Jesus Christ. For the opportunities and moments that God continues to place before me. And for all the amazing people He has allowed to come into my life and the footprints they have left upon my heart.

Though this was not a Holiday in Korea I was still off (I get to celebrate both American and Korean Holidays here) I still spent the day with a loved one here. We made dinner, not a typical Thanksgiving meal, but I did have a traditional one Saturday night and then again for lunch yesterday at school. We then watched three movies on TV: ET, The Last Samurai, and then Harry Potter. It was just a great day to relax, plus I did get an opportunity to talk to some loved ones back in the States.

Again, I will end with Psalm 106:1
Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.

Multicultural Experience

We had a half day today. When school was let out I went to the school my friends teach at for the afternoon. I met with Jen first and got to see her class. Then I spent last period with Nichole and her class. All her students were foreigners, no one was Korean. There were two students from Thailand, two from Saudi Arabia, one from Spain, one from Brazil, one from Angola, and one from Latvia.

I shared with them about myself and where I come from and they with me. Then we all played 'Skip-Bo' It was just the coolest moment and experience ever. To have so many different places represented in the same room. Plus, the two from Saudi Arabia where the girls mentioned at church on Sunday. All I can say is Praise the Lord. I think of Matthew 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations....

I then went to the basketball game, Jen is the cheer coach and I went to support and give some advice. Wow, I didn't realize how much I missed this.

After, I went to dinner with her and a few of the other teachers. It was just really nice to be in fellowship and to be with a staff that cared about one another. It reminded me of what I long for with my own staff, and what I had last year. But, I can only be me and I don't have the power to change the hearts of those I work with, only God can. However, I will definitely seize the moments God places before me to experience what I long for here. As well as be reminded of how good I had it last year and can only hope and pray I get to go back to when my time here is done.

International Day

Today was International Day at school and the 6th thru 12th grades did presentations on different countries and the growing Christian Church in them. The countries represented today were: Brazil, Japan, China, Mongolia, Mexico, Argentina, and Thailand. After the presentations were all done my class wanted to go back to our room where we spent time in prayer praying for the non-believers and the Christians in these countries.

I feel so blessed and honored that God would entrust such hearts in my care this year. These precious six (including my new one, who has only been in class two days now) will freely raise theirs hands and say "PRAISE JESUS". They bring such a JOY to wherever they go. I can't help but meet the Risen Christ in each moment of my day with them. Which helps me so much after staff meetings where I leave so empty and the joy of the Lord is so taken away.

I'll say this again, those precious children of God's chose wisely, with Psalm 106:1 PRAISE THE LORD. GIVE THANKS TO THE LORD, FOR HE IS GOOD; HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER.

'YOJ' Monday....

Wow, what an amazing Monday. I got a new boy student and my class felt complete today. Before we moved over to the new location my students and I prayed for only two new students this year, though we are open to what God's will is for our class. We prayed for a boy and a girl. And we have gotten both now. I can't explain the feeling I had today other than it felt complete.

We have also been talking about 'JOY' in class and how that is putting Jesus and Others before Yourself. Today, my class asked me though why they saw so many Christians, especially adults, who put themselves before Jesus and others. Good questions, huh? Well some how we turned the word around and came up with 'YOJ'. Then later today when we were reading "Charlotte's Web", the rat did something and one of my boys said, "Wow, Miss Morton that is 'YOJ' for sure. God was just so present in the hearts of these 6 children. I can't feel anything but blessed.

Then tonight I got together with the 3 other girls I will be spending time over Christmas break in Bali with. We needed to finalize hotel arrangements. I am just really excited about all that God is doing here.

Sunday after church, I was sharing how my heart felt so heavy, yet I felt so much joy at the same time. Someone shared how Paul was in prison and yet still wrote about rejoicing and counting it all joy. It was just encouraging.

These things have caused me to reflect on how I thought I would be used by God here, and what it is I want to be doing. Yet, God is revealing Himself to me in a whole new way and has been showing me what it is I have to give and offer in the opportunities and moments He is putting before me. I guess He has a whole different plan and purpose for me here than I would have imagined or wanted.

Also, I have to share that my students picked their own memory verse for this short week. It was after they spent sometime just reading their Bibles on their own. They chose Psalm 106:1 Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.

God Calling

Ok, I just got done posting and then went and read 'God Calling' by AJ Russell for today:

The Voiceless Cry

Jesus, hear us, and let our cry come unto Thee.

That voiceless cry, that comes from anguished hearts, is heard above all the music of Heaven.
It is not the arguments of theologians that solve the problems of a questioning heart, but the cry of that heart to Me, and the certainty that I have heard.

Giving it ALL

Again this morning at Church, I met the Risen Christ. Though my heart is very heavy right now. This may be due to the fact that I didn't sleep very well Friday night, and not at all Saturday night. I did take advantage of last night being awake by praying. Really praying, where I know I met Christ because the tears flowed so easily.

Today a few moments stand out:
Like when a couple shared about not wanting to have children, and yet God had them have two. And then had spoken to their hearts to adopt, so they did. And now once again God was speaking about adopting, this time a special needs child from China (I really recalled the Robbins' journey in getting their son, whom they have almost had for a year now). The husband shared how he didn't want to adopt, but that when it is God, God moves. That includes even when we want to be disobedient.

Then another woman shared about how God's Word does not return void. And how these two girls from Saudi Arabia at her school failed a Bible quiz, other than the scripture they had memorized.

You had to be here to hear these be told, but they moved my heart.

And then during the message, Pastor continued with the Life Investments. We are still on number 3, opportunities to become like Christ. It was based on 1 Peter 4:12, and at one point he talked about the process of refining gold. This made me recall a moment back in Nashville with the youth department and "The Refiner's Fire", which is how we ended up with the name of 'The Refinery' for our Sunday night youth service.

Maybe this is why my heart is heavy tonight: I am tired, and I long to have God have every part of my heart. I want to surrender all and be used by Him. That is having Him use me no matter what the cost. Oh sure, I have given Him it over and over again. Tonight is just another moment where I want Him to refine me. I am also recalling the couple this morning and their words: I too want to be disobedient, my flesh doesn't want to be here. I want to be at home. But my spirit and my heart, knows that I am exactly where God wants me. He also knows my heart better than anyone, and in His will is really the only place I want to be. So I will remain obedient. That is at all cost, including my very life. I give it all to Him and Trust.

I was also told this past week, that I was a gift to someone here. That I am an answer to their prayers. They said I was the angel that God sent them. It touched my heart and I know why God brought me here, instead of one of the other three places I could have gone. All I can do is Praise Jesus, even with this heavy heart.

Pepero Day

Today was a day that Koreans give out these snacks called 'pepero'. They are bread like sticks (like the ones you get in the Kraft snack packs that you dip into cheese). Well these have chocolate on them, they can also be pretzel like. They hand them out this day because it is 11-11, and the date looks like sticks. Therefore, Pepero Day.

Tonight was also the first time I have REALLY gone out since I have been in Korea. There was a 20/30 something function at church. We hung out there and played some games, then a group of us went and hung out talking some more at 'Starbucks'. It was just a really good time, and fun to finally get out and just relax.

I am also finally learning how to read Korean. I am having the hardest time with vowels, but it is coming along. Of course, I won't know some of the stuff I am reading, but it will help in getting around.

I've A Feeling I am Not in.....

Oh yes, that familiar line from Wizard of OZ, 'Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore'. It isn't there that I am not at, but last night I knew I wasn't at home.

It takes so long to get anywhere here in the city. Glauce wanted me to go to 'Emart', which is like Walmart. I needed to get a few more things for a recipe anyways, now that I have spaghetti squash. We left around 5pm and did not get home until after 10pm. We just had to wait so long for buses and trains on the subway. We aren't even that far from it. You just can't do anything without it taking a very long time.

And plus, I could NOT find sour cream. The things that are so easily found at home, well are either hard to find here or just don't exist. I also had to substitute some ingredients with a close second.....and the recipe only calls for 6 of them.

Since Glauce was trying on clothes, I decided to try on some too. I know before coming I was warned that I may feel tall and big here. Well, I am happy to say that I fit in the smaller size pants they carry and the smallest shirts were too big for me. I feel about average though. As many people as there are taller and bigger than me, there are also that many shorter and skinnier. It is nice to feel average, it helps me to not stand out as much. Yeah right, with my blonde hair.

As I said, I've a feeling I'm not in......

Bitter Cold

I forgot to mention it has rained here the past four nights. They have been some pretty amazing thunderstorms, yet not lasting to long. Monday it rained all day. Actually, the past two days it has been extremely cold.

So cold that I am a little worried that I am not prepared for this kind of weather. I really should have brought more of those turtleneck sweaters I like. The five I have here, aren't gonna last long. I am trying to hold out on wearing them because it is gonna get a lot colder than it has been. And it has been cold!!!

But have I told you about the way Koreans heat their homes? The heat is in the floor and rises from there. So actually right now as I am sitting on my floor typing this, my bottom is burning up.

Reflection

Wow, I can't believe it was 3 months ago that I left Denver and came to Seoul.

So many things have happened since that day in August. So many challenges and in each one of those moments God has been met. I know some people have voiced a concern for me. Don't worry, y'all should know me by now. I do tend to share ALL of my heart. I don't want to stop doing that, it is who God has created me to be. It means when things are good, I want to share. When things don't seem so grand, I want to share. I always want to be true to God and myself. It has been so freeing in the past week to finally be me. I have been holding back the person I know I am in Christ.

In each moment I have experienced here,God is met some how and touches my heart. I have grown and learned so much already. I can only imagine what God has in store in the upcoming months.

The best though has been seeing the change and growth in the hearts of my class. They have changed so much and are seeking the Lord so intensely. I can't help but smile each day. I am here for them, because it is why God has brought me here. I just need to remain focused on Him and then them.

And heck, I have really only wanted to come home twice now. It is God who holds my tomorrows in His hands. I trust and hope in Him.

Sex Education?

I get lots of Jesus moments with my class, but today I was blessed with one while with the Fifth Graders.

Friday we were reading and learning about the sexual reproduction system of a flower. They would just giggle and say 'um' in place of the word sex when referring to the sex cell organs. This was a little different for me as well, but that is what you get when you are teaching from a public school curriculum instead of a Christian one. I let it go on Friday and I took out 'sex' and any other form of the word while reading or discussing.

During the weekend, I had a discussion that brought up sex. I was asked if I would consider wearing a Hanbuk, knowing it was unflattering and hard to get off. Are you kidding me, my answer was that I have waited long enough for the man God would bring into my life. He may have to work a little harder in order to win my heart, but I sure as heck am not gonna make it hard once he has and our wedding night arrives.

And then today, I read Noah's blog. I was encouraged and reminded of what a wonderful gift God has given us and what that gift is meant for. I know for me I love the man in my future so much already that it is a gift I truly only want to share with him and I am so glad I have held on to only for him.

Ok, with that said I will get back to science class with the fifth grade today. We were reviewing Friday's discussion and as they began to giggle again, I seized the moment to share how God created everything and it is good. We went and read all of Genesis 1. We discussed how God created life and that sexual reproduction was a part of what God created that was good. Of course, I did make sure I touched on purity in our discussion.

It was definitely a moment where we all meet the Risen Christ and saw how wonderful our Creator's Hand is. I know my heart smiled and was blessed in this moment. After all Life is truly a wonderful GIFT that God has given us all. What will you do with your gift today?

A Taste of the States

Today, after church, I got a little taste of the United States.

A group of us went on base to have lunch at a family's house (of 7, with the 8th child on the way). We ended up staying all day playing games. I also got to eat REAL chocolate chip cookies.

I didn't realize how much I missed grass, until I saw some today and walked through it with my bare feet. It was weird knowing that I stepped on US soil, even though it is in Seoul.

They asked if there was anything any of us wanted. I had been thinking about spaghetti squash the other day and how I didn't see any squash here. So one of them who had to go to the store on base bought me one.

On my way home, a Korean woman who spoke English asked me what I had. She told me I needed to try Korean squash and took me into the store. I ended up buying one. Though, I think it is just zucchini, but she also shared how to cook it.

It was a moment I chose to seize and both she and I were blessed by it.

My Revelations

The definition of revelation, from Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary:

1 a : an act of revealing or communicating divine truth b : something that is revealed by God to humans 2 a : an act of revealing to view or making known b : something that is revealed; especially : an enlightening or astonishing disclosure c : a pleasant often enlightening surprise

Since Wednesday I have come to a few different revelations and I thought I would share them.

1. HOPE. Now how is this a revelation you may ask? Well, I was sharing with someone and stated how I longed to have my life show Christ without me every having to say a word. When I first moved to Denver and was taking the bus every where. I got coffee by the bus stop and the same lady was always working. One day she asked me if I believed in God, and when I said yes, she said she knew it because there was just something about me that she saw in my eyes. Three times recently I have been told that maybe I am 'HOPE' and why I am here. Two of those times the person said it is what they felt and saw in me the first time we met. I was given a bracelet that I wear almost everyday; it has a black leather strap, connected to a metal plate that reads 'HOPE'. Hanging on my wall here, I have a painting of a Korean word, 'HOPE'.

2. I was the first person both of the new teachers whom have come to CCS after the start of the school year met. They had me to show them around once they first arrived.

3. Simplicity. I thought I had nothing material in Denver (though very rich in other ways). I really have NOTHING here, only the bare necessities to get by. Besides people, I think I miss the little touches, like books and pictures (the things that tell a lot about a person- right DD?).

4. I have realized that my Love Language (which is bilingual) is QUALITY TIME AND PHYSICAL TOUCH. The reason I am feeling so disconnected and empty at times, is that I am not giving or receiving either of them from the people whom mean the most to me.

5. At recess the kids, especially the 2nd Graders, always play chase/tag. I find it interesting that it is always 'GIRLS CHASE Boys'. Don't get me wrong they will say 'Boys chase Girls', but this only last for a blink of an eye before a boy is yelling "Girls chase Boys" again. I can not believe that this starts way back in elementary school and actually isn't it still the chase as adults?

6. Today, Monday, October 30, 2006, Our Daily Bread said Communications experts tell us that the average person speaks enough to fill 20 single-spaced, type-written pages every day. This means our mouths crank out enough words to fill 2 books of 300 pages each month, 24 books each year, and..... Wow, that is the average person. Can you imagine how many books that means for me? ODB used Psalm 126 and went on to say how important the kinds of words we use are.

As you recall God's blessings today,
Express your words of praise to Him. - Anne Cetas

When my thoughts and the Word
Are in one accord,
Then the words of my mouth
Honor Christ my Lord. -Hess

PRAISE JESUS

Wow, today has been so up lifting. God has been speaking so clearly through scripture this past week, that it was amazing how loud He spoke today.

At Sunday School He continued to speak through the scriptures we were reading pertaining to the lesson. Yet, they were speaking and confirming what has been on my heart.

Then church began. The service opened with a power point of many different verses being used and it so was speaking to me. And then the Pastor got up and said 'God is speaking through many different means. God is speaking to His people. Are you listening?'

I felt as though that question was being spoken to me directly by God Himself. It took all that I had from not jumping up and yelling out 'Praise Jesus,I am listening and I hear you' right at that moment. My heart was beating so fast and it felt as though it was about ready to come right up my throat and pop out. Pastor kept asking for hands to share and each time he went by me. I knew God wanted me to share and I was not going to fight Him on it. I was just trying really hard not to just jump up, I felt like a child who could not sit still. Well finally Pastor was getting ready to move on and he still went by my hand. So I raised it higher and then decided to raise the other one too. Though he had begun to move on, he noticed and said "Kimie is there something you want to share", and well I sprang to my feet shouting Praises to my Savior. It was the FIRST time since I have been here in Korea that I felt like me. I know you all who know me would have smiled, but I think it would have brought tears to your eyes knowing how heavy my heart has been.

After I shared Pastor said that he had really prayed over the scriptures and had a few different options he could have used, but keep being pulled to the ones he decided on. He said he prayed that it would just speak to one. And it sure did. That set of verses from the Word was meant just for me that morning. God is good and I praise Him just for His love for me.

So today was not only freeing for me it was a day where I truly met the Risen Christ in every moment He placed before me.

A Nice Fall Day

Ok, it was nice to finally have an opportunity to rest. Not sleep rest, but rest. I am sitting here waiting for the new English teacher to arrive. She will be staying with me for a couple of days until her place is ready. She was actually suppose to be my roommate, but asked to live by herself. Guess that means I am on my own this year.

I spent my day cleaning, going for a walk, and just spending time with Jesus. It has been great.

On my 2 hour walk I got an opportunity to look at the surroundings in which I live with different eyes. God has been opening my spiritual eyes the past couple of weeks, and I haven't noticed my physical surroundings as much.

I love the fall and the changing of the leaves' color. Though this was not as beautiful as home it was still fun to notice that it was fall today. I even got to watch a little football on my blurry American TV station today.

There was a lot of pollution in the air today. Plus, there were many odors in the air, as well. It was kind of weird. It was either really pleasant smells or really unpleasant ones. None the less very strong. The worse smell was the one coming from the front of my place. It was a bag full of fish heads, Yuck!!!!

Well the door bell is ringing so I must go make our newest member of the team feel welcome. I still remember what I felt the night I first arrived and how overwhelmed I was.

Where is Jesus?

Wow, this morning I really saw His Light shine. I started the day taking my class up to the roof where we yelled out all of our memory verses. We then had our devotion. We are reading from Mark, to be exact it was Mark 9:14-32. We then spent some time in prayer by ourselves, and then prayed together. I must add that the sun was out strong and clear at this point of the day. That is because the SONLIGHT, was sure shining on and from us this morning.

I felt like I could take on anything. However, within an hour the enemy had robbed, not me but my 4 precious 4th Graders of their joy and light. Which then was taken from me. It was such a battle to get any bit of hope back for them and myself the rest of the day. We also had distraction after distraction. Praise God though, it was only by His Grace that we accomplished anything. We stopped a number of times to pray, and say 'get behind me'. My class is pretty darn aware of things themselves and just another confirmation of what is in my heart.

And to top things off, I saw discouragement from others and even got to see evidence of how strong the enemy is attacking. I want to add that I am not the only one, but there are a handful of us who are feeling the exact same way.

Before I left school I got a chance to talk to another teacher, they were feeling downhearted as well. In our conversation I responded to something they said with the fact that sometimes God had to destroy something in order to build it up for His glory. They asked if I was afraid. My response was 'No, do you remember what happened to Rahab? I know who I belong to and who I am in Him. If the walls come down I know the foundation around me will be standing just like Rahab's.

I ended tonight with Hope. Because I laughed with another and asked 'is that all you got?'

Scripture

There is soooo much Power in the Word!! God has taken me to scripture and spoken so loudly it is hard not to hear. It is hard not to be comforted. It is so clear that He is speaking thru scripture with the same things that are on my heart. The Lord has also given opportunity to have others share scripture and have it be exactly what I needed to hear.

For instance, Monday night darkness was around and though I can not be sure if it was just a dream or something more, it sure felt real. And then I woke up (that is if you can call what I did when I attempt to put my head to my pillow sleep) on Tuesday morning to find that all I had was lights and cold running water. No outlets worked, no hot water or heat worked, and my gas did not work. I tried very hard to fight my feelings, but since I did not sleep I was very tired and truthfully every part of me was worn out. The day only got worse, it was so hard to see Jesus anywhere. To top things off we had a 'staff meeting' which was almost a joke to say the least. However, I attempted to see one individual try and bring the presence of Christ in the room a few times. But each time that Light started to be shown it was snuffed out just as fast. To be honest it took all my strength just to stay in that room. I have never wanted to run so fast away from some place before. I felt discouraged, disillusioned, disappointed, heart broken, and was left with no strength.

I spent some time talking and praying with Wilson. I was tired and felt attacked all day. I had no strength left and am questioning where Jesus is? Sure I get glimpses of Him, but then they are snatched away. It is disheartening. When I finally got to my house the power was suppose to be fixed, but it was still not on. I called Mr. Song and well by the end of our conversation I was in tears and said that I wanted to go home. He said he would try and call someone. Less then 5 minutes after getting off the phone there was this beep and everything was working. Mr. Song NEVER got a hold of anybody. At this point I wanted to laugh.

That night someone special came online and I asked for pray. They said no problem and asked me to read 2 Chronicles 16:9a. The power of scripture, it spoke directly to my heart and exactly what I needed to hear. I also flipped the page to the one before and read this line in 2 Chronicles 15:2 'The Lord is with you when you are with him'. I also have to add that I put on a CD by 4 Him called Hymns. The one that stuck out in my mind and in my heart was "It is Well". I felt a peace and out of exhaustion went to sleep. As I woke up in the night I got online and had an email from a friend, who felt prompted to share a song that was coming to her that she thought would help. Yep, you guessed it, the same song God had already put on my heart to give me peace.

When I woke up this morning I felt charged. I felt God stirring my heart. I went to my Bible and the same page was open to where I had left it. I decided to read further into 2 Chronicles 15 and to my surprise it spoke exactly what I had been feeling about things here. I had read verses 2-7.


Though I was a little fearful to share at devotions after seeing the Light put out the day before I felt God stirring my heart to. He had to move in my heart like He always has when I know without a doubt it is Him. He did and I stated at devotions that my heart ached because I wanted to know where Jesus was at this place? That our building on the outside wore that label that we were a Christian school, but I didn't feel any Light on the inside so how could we shine it out. I won't share the response I got, because it would break you hearts as well.

I knew God was the one stirring my heart and looking back now I realize that the day before was an attempt by the enemy to stop me from hearing God and speaking out. Praise God, that He is bigger than anything in this world. And Praise God for His word and the people He puts into are lives in order to bless us.

I finished tonight by sharing online with another friend, who went and read this scripture I have written about and then she started sharing ones she found and told me to read. Like Psalm 86 and 71, and then I also read Psalm 97:10-12.

I could go on about the other scripture and devotions that God has been bringing in front of me, they all have the same theme and things in them. Scripture and God are powerful. And if we feel prompted to do something in our hearts I wish we would act on it and not run from it out of fear. Promise me if God puts something or someone on your heart, act on that prompting do not ignore it. Allow His Light to shine.

Soooo Much....

There is just soooo much happening on a daily basis I can not write it all down. I can't even process what is going on myself it is just soooo much. Yes, I know that is hard to think about, me at a loss of words. Know that I am though. I can't even begin to make anyone understand what is going on here.

For instances, how could Jesus so show Himself to the staff here on Wednesday and then be rejected. So I turned around on Thursday and felt numb and could not find Him at all. Well that was until me and Wilson spent time discussing the day and just sharing how we both felt. And God opened our eyes to see the moments of the day when He had NOT forsaken us, though He did forsake the building that day. I then chose to find a way to bring the Risen Christ into my day on Friday. I know He exists in my heart and I will find Him in my day, as well as try with all my heart to bring Him to others.

Funny that I write that...this past week I finally finished "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus and started reading "Living the Resurrection" The Risen Christ in Everyday Life by Eugene Peterson. Again, God's perfect timing.

I did get to see and experience God on Saturday at an all day elementary soccer tournament in Taejon. The staff that went have a heart for Jesus, and the kids, their spirits and love just amaze me. Definitely a day spent living the Resurrection and meeting the Risen Christ.

Also at Church today I met Him. See I have been having back pain which I know is spiritual (I know this from former events and times in my life in the past). Though it has been hurting I felt NONE on Saturday and NONE this morning at the women's Sunday School Class I chose to go to. Why you ask? Because there was no evil present during these two moments.

We have been on a series called LIFE INVESTMENTS. Though it is taking a little longer than the Pastor would like, due to God now changing His plan for His church every other week. The five investments he is talking about are:
1. Relationship of love with God
2. Relationship of love with God's family (Unity)
3. Opportunities to become like Christ
4. Opportunities to serve God and make a difference in the lives of others.
5. Opportunities to join God in His Mission and make an eternal difference in the World.

We have been on the third for the past two weeks. The thing that stuck out from last week was that a gift does not become yours until you receive it This put a thought in my heart: How many of us have been given a gift in Jesus, people, opportunities, moments, etc.... And refuse to receive it?

Today was based in Romans 12:2 and the thing Pastor said that stuck in heart and spoke about what is going on in this place was darkness will always act like the darkness and when LIGHT comes, darkness wants to put it out

I think I will end for now though I so want to share all the parts of "The Barbarian Way" that spoke so loudly to me. However, maybe you should just pick up a copy yourself and then you may get a little idea of what is going on here in my world, maybe a little understanding. But then maybe not. However, I will leave you with a few words from Erwin McManus:

Christian civilization is held together by rules and rituals; the barbarian revolt is fueled by the passion of God and guided by the mission of God.

It is true that the enemy will essentially leave you alone if you are domesticated. He will not waste his energy destroying a civilized religion. If anything, he uses his energy to promote such activity. Religion can be one of the surest places to keep us from God. When our faith becomes refined, it is no longer dangerous to the dark kingdom.

Ephesians 6:12 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Light in Dark Place

I am excited to share that, though this was a very stressful move for all and things were full of much darkness throughout the past few weeks, the Risen Christ was met and seen each day in my class.

Monday morning began with lots of hugs and the whole class realizing how much we missed each other, they are really bonding. Then my precious 4th Grade Class went on a prayer walk. We went to each classroom and office on the two floors CCS occupies and those 4 children PRAYED. It was such an awesome experience and we took the opportunity to seize it. PRAISE JESUS!!!!

We love our new class room. At the old school we were in the musty old basement with no windows. Now we have windows for the LIGHT to shine in, through, and out from. I also found it very interesting that my classroom door is the ONLY ONE (besides the Science Lab) that does not have a window in it. I also know that this is a gift from God.

I have mentioned in a previous entry about reading "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus and how it was God's perfect timing for me to pick up and read. I wrote that he said:

To claim we believe is simply not enough. The call of Jesus is one that demands action.

...those who are most religious will be most offended and indignant. Barbarians are not welcome....

I feel that I am living this out right now in my work environment. Yes, believers, but I am not experiencing much action. I know I am a Barbarian, and well that makes me not welcome.

In the past week I read these words of McManus's:

We have become believers rather than experiencers.......To walk with God is to journey in the spiritual realm.

I know there is a war waging in the spiritual realm between the Kingdom of God and the dark kingdom and in the past week God has really opened my eyes up to this more than ever before in my walk with Him. I believe I am in the mist of a war right now.

And the fact that we have NO window on our classroom door is not an accident. See we just shut it and shut all the darkness out. Thus, the Risen Christ could not only be met, but experienced. And Trust me, He was there each and every day last week. Only on Friday, did we met and experience Him outside of our room (or outside the Science Lab, we have felt Him there too).

McManus wrote:
So many of us have put our hope in teaching our children about God rather than guiding them into an experience with God.

I don't want to just teach these ones that God entrusted to me about Him, I want to continue to experience Him with them. And truthfully, learn about Him through them.

...people's lives are forever changed by what happens in the unseen. We are called to be warriors of light in dark places.

Again, Praise God!!! I am with and in the Light, though in a dark place.

Moving Week & 1/2

Wow, it is Sunday night here and I can not believe that I am sitting in a new apartment and will be going to work to teach at a new school tomorrow. It has been a long and very heavy week. Let me fill you in on the details since I have last written.

September 28
Field Day, playing and having fun with elementary students all day. A pretty bad cough for me begins and I feel very ready to come home.

September 29
A half of day with a teachers training, which was a place I met the Risen Christ. And then packing up of classrooms. Lost internet access due to getting ready for move.

September 30
Helped Ben & Norma with move by watching the baby all day long. Then that night, at Wilson's, I was able to gain some strength by two phone conversations with some very special people back in Colorado. (With plans of calling a few others for Birthdays later in the week, sorry Daddy and DD that I did not get this opportunity-again due to the move). Cough moving its way from my throat to my chest.

October 1
Church was awesome, I have found a place to meet the Risen Christ with others. I also made some new friends and now know one of the places I will be traveling to over Christmas Break. After Christmas I will be going to Bali, where I will be before 12-25 is still yet to be determined. By this night my cough is getting worse, it is almost as bad as it was when I went to the Ukraine and got an upper respiratory infection. I have a fever as well. Praise Jesus that Wilson and Gretchen took care of me.

October 2
I felt so bad and really under the weather that it was hard to make it up to the school by 7:30 am. However, once up there we waited and realized that there was not much we could do to help the movers anyway. My cough was really bad by now and I still had a fever, so I went home and slept (well tried to sleep) most of the rest of the day I was at least in bed. This night, I did begin to pack for my apartment move scheduled for the 4th.

October 3
A few of us went to the new apartments to clean them together for each other. Mine was the worst, nothing had been done to it at all and we did not get it finished by the time we were suppose to be up to the new school to show the movers where we wanted things. But I did get to see Christ moving and working, seeing Wilson in the home He has provided was such a blessing and the highlight of the week. My stuff was already in my classroom, therefore, I just moved the furniture where I wanted it and then the movers could empty the boxes and put things where they got them from (which is what was suppose to happen, which did not by the way). We went home and went to 'Carefour' to get some things we knew we would need at our new places with the move and separation of some of us (like me and my roommate)and finished packing. Tuesday is usually my only night of the week I sleep through, but this was not the case this week. I don't think I slept at all. My cough and my whole body are now feeling extremely bad. I haven't felt this sick in a long time and yet there is so much to do.

October 4
We were told that the movers would be there between 7-8am, so we were up and ready and waited until 9am when they arrived and began. Wow, I have never really seen moving this way before. They packed things up for you and everything. We had to be there, so we watched and waited. All week I have felt like it was wasting time, I have never sat and waited so much in my life at one time. I could have been over at the new place cleaning, since I did nothing but a little directing of things that were going to my place that had not been in my room. The movers moved 4 old apartments into 5 new ones. This all started at 9am and I was the last to be moved in completely around 5pm. A very long day, my place was still not cleaned. And by now I can barely talked since my cough was so bad. They did come right away and hooked up internet in the girls apartment upstairs, which we are sharing to save money since we all are using wireless. However, the connection works for them but not me. I was disappointed because I really wanted to send ecards on Birthdays.

October 5
I spent the day helping Glauce clean her place and move her things in to her place and then finally finished cleaning my place and putting things up. I chose not to do anything in my classroom but, I had gone up to school to see the biggest mess I have ever seen and found that all the things in my classroom had been moved to the middle of the room and that the boxes were emptied and their contents placed also in the middle of floor. Lorin, the computer guru came by my apartment to fix the internet problem he got online, but some how that night it was lost again. This crushed me because it was my Dad's Birthday and all I wanted to do was send a card for him to receive when he got up. I had been so excited in the afternoon, but my hopes were crushed. Hard again, because I was really unable to use my voice and by now began to cough up junk. I cried and decided to take some Benadryl. These two things combined wiped me out and I actually slept very hard and throughout the night (which I haven't done all week).

October 6
I slept until God woke me up and then went to Wilson's for coffee with a few others before we ventured up to school to finally set our classrooms up. It is now Friday and the official 'Chusok' Holiday. My Korean neighbors even brought by this sweet rice drink and some pastries. I have no idea how this school will be ready for classes on Monday. I spent all day cleaning and arranging, and truthfully it is still not all together and ready. I figure my students can help to finish it on Monday. I don't plan on going back up there at all this weekend, I need some rest. Coughing up things still and really feeling more worn down and beaten up than I ever have.

October 7
A few of us girls got up and went to 'Emart' to get the things we NEEDED for our places. I have nothing really. I didn't get things that I wanted, only what I needed to live with. I also got the cheapest things. I spent about 2000,000 won (which is about $200, I still really have nothing though). I then spent the afternoon resting, didn't even put things away from 'Emart'. I was finally connected to the internet so I got to communicate with a couple of people as well. And check all the emails I had received throughout the week. I tried to take a Benadryl in order to be knocked out again like the other night, but this did not work. I went with Wilson to get some water and we had dinner. I came home and went to bed at 7pm. However, I never really slept more than an hour or two at one time and then was up for at least an hour. Also, something very dark and spiritual happened this night. I began praising Jesus and quoting scripture, I also got online to see if anyone was there. It was 11:30pm here. I was able to talk to a friend for a little bit and sent out an email. Then spent the rest of the night the same way I spent the beginning of it, until 10am the next morning.

October 8
Church was awesome again. I met a very nice family who invited me to come and have dinner or a movie on base with them sometime. I am still coughing up things, but met God in a big way this morning. It was a reminder that God has big things planned and He has called me here to be a part of what is ahead. I don't think Seoul is really it, but that North Korea and Northeast China will play a part in the future. That is really all I can say about it. I spent the rest of this day resting in Him. I do feel better at the moment. My cough isn't as bad as it has been. But I do think it is now time to shut down and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be an interesting day. Plus, I just realized I have forgotten to mention that I have had NO hot water either, since moving to new place.

Pray for us here. I know that I need strength. It is a very dark place, and yet I feel as though God is really getting ready to do something big. Yes, I even got this same message at church today. God is great all the time.

God Speaking the Way

I came home after the 'Stila' Premiere and felt like reading before going to sleep. I love Tuesday nights sleeping because it is the ONLY night of the week that I sleep through the whole night, so I knew I could stay up reading. I don't have the next book in the series I was reading, so I decided to pick up "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus. This book has been waiting for God's perfect timing to be read. Just like McManus's last book I read.

I have only read the first chapter, but here is how God spoke to me through some of McManus's writing so far:

To claim we believe is simply not enough. The call of Jesus is one that demands action.

On Sunday, I wrote that my prayer has been "not just being around people believing in God, but having that belief transformed in people taking action seizing moments and meeting the Risen Christ."

To belong to God is to belong to His heart. If we have responded to the call of Jesus to leave everything and follow Him, then there is a voice within us crying out, "Fight for the heart of your King!"

the cost to participate in the mission of God is nothing less than everything we are and everything we have.

They (barbarians) live their lives with every step moving forward and with every fiber of their being fighting for the heart of their King!...It is a life fueled by passion- a passion for God and a passion for people.


He's calling you to fight for the heart of your King. For some, doing this will be just way too barbaric, but for others, their only option will be to choose the barbarian way.

...those who are most religious will be most offended and indignant. Barbarians are not welcome among the civilized and are feared...

All I can say again is how awesome God is. Just this chapter touched on everything I have been praying and talking and thinking about since the weekend. Oh, I 'reckon' God is 'fixin' to do something big here. And I know He is calling for me to be a barbarian. I am just so thankful that I am not standing alone in this, but I know I would if I had to.

The end of the chapter said: Risking everything to live free is our only hope- humanity's only hope.

Though the way may seem hard at times, I would risk it all again and again...hmmm, maybe that is why I was so under attack today. To be honest, today was the first day that I have wanted to get on a plane and come home. I wasn't just homesick. I knew the situation I was in , my living situation, is something I can not handle and a place that could block God from really moving concerning me here. So I went into action and spoke my heart, and now the situation is truly in God's hands. May His Will be done. I also found out that my Uncle passed away today. Just ways the enemy is trying to stop God from moving, but a reminder that He is moving and preparing for something big.

'Because Jesus did not suffer and die so that we could build for ourselves havens, but so that we might expand the kingdom of His love. Because invisible kingdoms are at war for the hearts and lives of every human being who walks on the face of this earth. And times of war require barbarians who are willing to risk life itself for the freedom of others.'

Are you ready to 'unleash the untamed faith within'? If so, then join the way!

'Stila' Premiere

Wow, for a moment last night I felt like a celebrity because tons of cameras were talking pictures of us. Not really, it was actually of the table behind us that was full of Korean actors and musicians. For a short moment though it felt like they were on us, all those flashes drove me crazy. Praise God that I am not famous, I don't think I could handle it.

Now you are probably wondering where I was. One of my student's parent runs the 'Stila' cosmetic division in Korea. So she had invited all the teachers who teach her daughters to this premiere because they just opened this division of Estee Lauder here. It was at the Hyatt Hotel, which was very elegant and the food was great. I don't think I have ever eaten this quality of food before. It was fun and yet interesting. Everything was spoken in Korean, except three performers sang two songs each, one in Korean and the other in English.

I am glad I got a chance to step into the life of one family I teach here, but I did feel way out of my social level.

Weekend Meeting Risen Christ

My weekend was again very great.

Friday night, after passing the test and breaking a board, I was promoted to yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do.

Saturday was not spent my usual way, but was spent hiking up 'Baegundae Mountain' in Mt. Bukhansan National Park. Well I actually rock climbed more than hiked. At least it wasn't a hike I could have done with my usual hiking partners, those Robbins' Kids. Although I am use to hiking (and walking presently a lot)- this hike kicked my butt!!

Yet, every time I am up and out in nature, I am reminded again how I love the outdoors and of course how Awesome and Great God is. Being out there brought up something in me that I have really been praying about. That prayer being not only wanting God desperately in my life, but also seeing Him in lives in action. Not just being around people believing in God, but having that belief transformed in people taking action seizing moments and meeting the Risen Christ in their daily lives (FD- like picking up their mats).

I thought once I stepped out into the World, I'd be around others who desperately wanted the same thing too.

Maybe I have just been too blessed over the past years. First, at Christ Church in Nashville. And second, with a small group of families in Denver. I met the Risen Christ in so many ways and through so many lives, yet I haven't in this place where I thought I would see it more....

That WAS until God answered my prayer, not only once, but twice this weekend.

Once, on Saturday evening, spending time talking, sharing, and praying with another teacher. I not only met Him there, but saw and experienced Him so clearly.

Second time, this morning at church, when the Pastor allowed God to change and have the worship time. I have found my church home away from home, that is for sure.

I wish I could give you more, but I don't know how to put into words how I met, saw, and experienced the Risen Christ through answered prayer and divine moments this weekend. PRAISE GOD!!

Oe`guk

As I was walking up the stairs to get my stuff for Tae Kwon Do and then head on over to Helena and Marsha's before going, I walked by a little girl who said 'oe`guk' about 5 times. Then she spoke really fast and a lot of Korean. The only word I recognized was 'oe`guk'. I decided to say 'Annyong Haseyo'. To my surprise she said 'Hello' and then asked me something in Korean. I was just getting ready to say 'molah yo', but she asked me what my name was in English. I told her and asked her what hers was. I then said it was nice to meet her, she said the same and then rambled on in Korean again. I then said bye and she waved. It was just really cute and fun, especially knowing what I just wrote on this blog. Time to go get my yellow belt.

Miguk or Oe`guk

'Miguk' is used for America or American and 'Oe`guk' or 'Oe`gugin' means Foreigner.

Everyone has told me that I would hear people saying 'oe`guk' or possibly 'miguk' a lot, especially children. However, I have not heard either of these words once, unless you count hearing it from the other foreigners who keep telling me I will.

Last night that all changed. As I headed out for a 3 mile walk a little girl noticed me and said something along with 'oe`guk'. Then got very excited when she realized that there were 3 of us. What made it even funnier to me was that I had just mentioned the previous night how I hadn't heard either names yet. That was after I inquired about if I would be called a 'Miguk oe`guk' or a 'Oe`guk Miguk', if I combined them both. I don't think the other foreigners I was with found this funny. But I am an American and I am a Foreigner, so doesn't that make me an American Foreigner?

Also, on our way home from the walk I past a cute old couple. The interesting thing is that the woman recognized me as I did her. I had seen this same couple on Monday and Wednesday nights at the second bus stop I wait at on the way to Tae Kwon Do. On Monday, when I first saw them I thought how cute they were together, how they interacted while sitting and waiting. She kept swinging her feet. Just seeing them made me smile and think of my own hopeful future and wondering what my husband and I would be like when we get old, wise, and gray.

On a last note, I found it interesting that the church where we have Tae Kwon Do was full of boys from the military. They were all dressed in uniforms and had their guns. We asked our 'master' about it. We were told that they do it about twice a year because of North Korea. That was all we got, still just interesting to see an army having a training session in a church.

Observation & Movies

MY OBSERVATION: I am finding it very interesting that I notice a lot of foreign men with Korean women walking around on the streets. However, I have NOT seen a Korean man with a foreign woman at all. Wonder why this is.............Though we really tried to find this scenario over the weekend on the streets. The hunt is still on.

MOVIES: Well for the past three weekends I have seen a movie. This weekend I already mentioned was "Ben Hur", hmmm...Can still picture those blue eyes! However, the two previous ones were Korean Films on Fridays after Tae Kwon Do. The first Friday I saw "The Classic". It really lived up to its name. It was a classic love story and will most likely be my favorite Korean movie. The one I saw the week after that was, now prepare yourself for this ones title. We had no idea what the title was in Korean, but chose it because of the picture on the cover. Remember that saying "Don't judge a book by its cover", well this movie was called "The Seduction". However, "Don't let the name fool you"- it was a comedy and very similar to "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days". It was really fun watching them and reading the English subtitles.

Great Weekend

After my normal Saturday morning routine, I decided to get on the subway and venture out to find that cafe with the train tracks. All I knew for sure was the line I needed to get on and the stop where I needed to get off. Glauce decided to come along with me. And I am very excited to say that we found it on our own. We also found the only Starbucks in the world that is not written in English. This particular one is written in Korean and is found in Insa Dong. It was a very fun day.

Ok, I must really be unattractive or smell pretty bad. Why you ask? Nobody ever wants to sit by me on the bus or the subway, so I figure one of these statements must be true. At least I found this to be true until Sunday morning.

Glauce and I were on our way to church when all of a sudden I noticed this Korean man walk by us whom kept looking at us. Then the seat next to me and about 5 on the other side of the train became vacant at the same time. However, this man came and sat down next to me. He even bumped into my arm a few times, that was until two foreigners came on the subway. And to my surprise asked us if we were on our way to church, then asked what we were doing in Korea, etc..... The funny thing is that they were the first foreigners I have come across that were friendly. The other funny thing is that they were from Colorado and stationed at Kunsan for the next couple of months. I should mention the theory behind the man sitting next to me or at least what others who have been in Korea awhile think. He most likely thought, like many, that westerners were easy, so was probably going to try something. Wow, what a surprise he would have gotten. Guess I will never know for sure.

I have found the church I want to attend. It is Seoul International Baptist Church (SIBC). As I looked around Sunday morning I noticed people who were from all over the world, not just Americans, as some have said about the church. It was really international, gave me a sense of what God's church truly should consist of. People from all walks of life, who are different yet the same. I felt at peace and a sense of home. Plus, I should mention that it is located in the new neighborhood we are moving too, so I can walk there.

I ended my Sunday night by watching "Survivor." Yes, I get it here! And then going over to Wilson's house with some of the girls. We watched "Ben Hur." Charlton Heston really reminded me of someone I know and really made me think about him.

Just a really great weekend, filled with moments seized in Christ's abundant love.

What a Bite!

Ok, the mosquitoes here could kill. I got bitten twice and the bites are HUGE! One is on the top of my foot and the other the back of my ankle. I am use to a little bite, but these are like open wounds.

Today was the first day that I did not like lunch. I can't even tell you what it was, but it was horrible. So I ate just rice today and tried hard not to itch my bites.

My class is wonderful and have the biggest hearts ever. They continue to ask and pray for Noah.

One girl came in yesterday morning in tears. I think I held her and prayed for about ten minutes. Her tears were more for the person that was mean to her, than they were for herself.

God spoke again today with "God Calling". And then through two people, He gave me things to remind myself of and say each day. They are:

Where He leads, I will follow

God LOVES my HEART, not my history

God Has a Way...

God has His way of always speaking and touching our hearts just when we need Him too.

Tuesday at Worship night,after singing the song "Breathe",

This is the air I breathe, this is the air I breathe
Your holy Presence living in me
This is my daily bread, this is my daily bread
Your very Word spoken to me
And I, I'm DESPERATE for You
And I, I'm lost without You

Someone asked if we all ever thought what desperate meant in the song. And if we had ever been that desperate for God.

I have been so desperate for Him at times when I was down, but I have been just as desperate, if not more, even when things were going well. I am desperate to know Him more and to have Him be my everything. This thought was on my heart all night and when I got up, well it should be no surprise that God spoke through "God Calling":

September 13 NO OTHER NAME
My Name is the Power that turns evil aside, that summons all good to your aid. Spirits of evil flee at the sound of "Jesus." Spoken in fear, in weakness, in sorrow, in pain, it is an appeal I never fail to answer. "Jesus." Use My Name often. Think of the unending call of "Mother" made by her children. To help, to care, to decide, to appeal, "Mother." Use My Name in that same way- simply, naturally, forcefully. "Jesus." Use it not only when you need help but to express Love. Uttered aloud, or in the silence of your hearts, it will alter an atmosphere from one of discord to one of Love. It will raise the standard of talk and thought. "Jesus."
"There is none other Name under Heaven whereby you can be saved."

And of course that was not the end of it. At staff devotions Psalm 46 was read and the last two verses (10-11) stood out "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

We talked of wanting and needing God so much that we need Him to be "our refuge and strength" (vs 1).

It all just went together as I am dealing with something and needing God as my fortress to go and rest in. Needing His strength. Truthfully, just being DESPERATE for Him every moment of every day. Exactly what I needed this day.

Hello, Hi, or Annyong Haseyo?

In the past week, every day I have gone somewhere kids have been saying hello and hi. Now this is probably the only English some of them know but it has been interesting.

It all started a week ago when I went and opened up a checking account. That was actually fun in itself. Praise God someone was with me who could speak Korean.

On my way home I walked by four teenage girls. As I walked by they said Hi! Now I hesitated....do I say hello back, hi back, or "annyong haseyo"? I choose to speak English, since that was really what they wanted. We had a little exchange and then after I had past I still heard them talking about it and repeating our short conversation. It was very funny to hear them.

I then walked by two more girls, almost the same thing happened. This time however, the girl knew a little more English and asked where I was from. And said she was sorry for bothering me. I let her know that it was no bother, but my pleasure to talk to her. I made her smile when I attempted to say bye in Korean.

Also there are two little boys that I see all the time around the apartment building. These two always smile at me, or at least look. So one day I decided to say "annyong haseyo", they began giggling and as they got on the elevator I heard them say "ajumoni". Which is a polite way to say older women, kind of like in referring to an aunt. But it also means a married women, and trust me you don't want to cross an "ajumoni". I am actually more like an "agashi". At my age I should be the first, but since I look younger and am not married, I am more like the second. I am not for sure how I should have taken this, but hay, these little ones where maybe 4 years old. Just made smile.

One night a bunch of boys were playing and they said Hi, but of course no matter what form of this I use and whether or not it is English or Korean, still gets them amused. They always giggle and I hear them talking about it after I pass.

Last night on the way home as I walked by the park, a little girl said hi. So I said it back and it amused the women who was walking her bike next to me.

On Saturday, us girls saw one of my little boys I see all the time out by himself (which is not unusual to see here), but he only had a t-shirt on. Yes, you could see some little parts that in that setting and place you should not be seeing.

I am going to miss these cute little ones when we move to the new neighborhood. Hopefully, there will be more there to get to know. I still need to figure out if my speaking English or Korean is funnier to them!!

Psalm 139

I came in this morning and had planned on writing about my weekend. However, at staff devotions we read part of Psalm 139. We read verses 9-16, but focused on the following:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Shortly after devotions I read all of Psalm 139 and then went and read the entry on Saturday, September 9, 2006 on this blog Noahsteven.blogspot.com

I can't write anything else. It took me back to "God Calling" on September 6: Learning and loving and working, theirs is a life of happiness and progress. They live to serve, and serve they truly do. They serve Me and those they love. Ceaselessly they serve.

I love that we get to serve a loving and amazing God. If you can serve, go read about Noah and his family, and PRAY!!

Why HOPE when.......

Last night, my flesh wondered 'Why should I HOPE, each time I do I feel let down or disappointed'. See the apartment I was hoping for is going to the other single girls (and they don't really want it or to move).

For a short while my flesh took over and thought I should know by now NOT to HOPE for things because what I hope for NEVER seems to come to be. Many who know me closely know all the areas and times I am thinking about right now. My flesh moment wasn't about the apartment really at all. I KNOW God has a bigger and better plan in store. I know with Him everything will fall into place just like it already has. Hasn't He provided for the things back home in Colorado?; My condo, my car, etc..... I remind myself of this, but my flesh still says "WHY DO I CONTINUE TO HOPE?" So I spent some time with God.

I recalled the verses from class that day, which were from Philippians:
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
4:11 I am not saying this because I am in Need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance.
4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

I hadn't read Monday's or Tuesday's devotion yet, so I went to them next. From "God Calling" I read:
September 4 Our God is our supply.
Look to Me for all..Rely on Me for all. Drop those burdens, and then, singing and free, you can go on your way rejoicing. Encumbered with them you will fall. Drop them at My Feet, knowing surely that I will lift them and deal with each one as is truly best.
September 5 Progress is the Law of Heaven....Tomorrow be stronger, braver, more loving than you have been today. The Law of Progress gives a meaning, a purpose to life.

And then, as I was turning to September 5th's in "Teach Me to Pray", I flipped by something I had written on a devotional back on March 9. The scripture reference was Mark 11:24 (NLT) "You can pray for anything and if you believe, you will have it."

I read the title and what I had underlined first:
PERSISTENCE IN PRAYER
At one time it is quiet; at another, bold. At one point it waits in patience, but at another, it claims at once what it desires.

Then I read what I wrote:
2006, Why is mine always waiting in Patience? How much longer must I wait Lord?

Then,September 5: Take time to pray and let Christ's wonderful promise of a new life take possession of your heart. Be content with nothing less than full salvation- Christ living in you, and you living in Christ.

Wow, even though it happens rather frequently, I still find it amazing how my flesh and my heart may be dealing with something and God puts His voice in words and Scripture. He talks and reminds me of exactly what I know to be true and truly believe in my heart, but my flesh tends to forget.

I know that it is my WANTS that NEVER SEEM to come to be, yet I do know that GOD has ALWAYS supplied all my NEEDS.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purposes that prevail." Proverbs 19:21

Connectedness

This morning God spoke in His usual way to me, by repeating or connecting something. In staff devotions we read the same scripture that was used in church yesterday. Ephesians 6:1-9, today was the emphasis of verse 7 "Serve whole-heartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,"

Before that I read some emails from friends and I think maybe some have gotten the wrong impression that I am disappointed that I came. I am not disappointed at all that I came to Korea. Matter of fact I am very excited about being here and all that God has in store for me. The hardest part is being someone who loves community, who loves being connected to others and knowing here that will all come in time. But mostly, I have felt very disconnected from those I left back in the States, that has been the disappointment I think others were sensing, but not about coming.

Interesting again was that another teacher, Wilson, shared a card during devotions that her son sent. I felt in my heart that God was speaking to me about being connected. The card said:

There's a reason why
birds fly in flocks,
flowers grow in bunches,
lions live in prides,
and whales swim in pods.

There's an interconnectedness
to all of nature,
from the tiniest of organisms
to the entire human race...
a need to know
we're not alone,
and a desire to reach out
and let others know
they're in our thoughts....
like you are in mine.

I am glad Wilson shared this with us. I know it was from God and touched my heart. I just feel disconnected because I miss and care for everyone so much.

Later today, I received another email where a friend shared this; The sermon today was on the rhythm of life (to everything there is a season...) and Sabbath. The message was that work and Sabbath have to go together for one without the other makes the other one less significant. Just made me think about the title again- CONNECTEDNESS.

More Prayer and Hope

Sunday at church the pastor started by stating the number of people who needed prayer, like the man just finding out he had liver cancer or the grieving family who just lost their 7 day old baby boy. God was still speaking to me on prayer. Over the weekend, I read the following in my devotional by Andrew Murray:

SEPTEMBER 2
“…As we pray let us be willing to accept our place with Him- crucified to the world, to sin and to self. It means a readiness to follow Him at any cost. It means a simple, wholehearted acceptance of Christ as Lord and Master and a surrender of our heart and life to Him.”

SEPTEMBER 3
“…In the quietness of prayer let us believe that a simple, determined surrender of our whole will to God’s promise will indeed bring the heart-cleansing we need.”

After church, I became the tour guide in a way for the new teacher, Glauce, from Brazil. Praise God, I am not the only teacher now who has never been to Korea before.

Instead of just going home some teachers were going to take us to the area I know in Itaewon, but their plans changed. Glauce and I felt like being adventurous so they gave us directions to get the bus we would need to get there. After getting there, I knew how to get home since I did it the week before. However, we could not find the bus number they told us too. So we were going to just go back to the subway and see if I could get us there that way (though a little longer, but we didn’t have anywhere to be). On our way back Glauce stopped a Korean women and asked if she knew English. She did, but didn’t know the bus either. She and her husband ended up being from church and told us to get in their car and they would take us. Wow, what a blessing! However, this became a God ordained encounter. They told us to find them next week at church so they could introduce us to the younger Koreans they knew. And they actually live in the neighborhood where the new school is located, and hopefully where we’ll be living. God is good and blesses in the most amazing ways when you least expect it.

Glauce and I had lunch at the place I knew and talked about how we got to Korea and a lot about God. We then walked the streets for awhile, though today the thing that shocked me the most was the lack of friendliness from other foreigners. We would smile when someone else like us past by, but they did not smile back but rather rudely looked away. I found this to be heartbreaking but an interesting observation in that being in a foreign country I would definitely want to be friendly with others who were a foreigner like me. Korean’s are much friendlier.

We, me who has been here only a month and she, Glauce, only a day, also decided to go and walk up by where the new location for school will be to see if we could find it. We were also going to find her apartment. She already has one over there, but will be staying with Gretchen and I this next month so she does not have to commute being new to the country. The hopeful part is that she mentioned Mr. Song pointed out two apartments he said he signed leases for on Saturday. The one closes to hers she said he mentioned the girls (as in Gretchen and I) would be living. This may be true in the fact that the other apartment he signed for is for Ben and Norma. Norma had gone with Mr. Song on Friday to look at them and he kept mentioning the other one for us as well. That would be great because it is walking distance to school and will be right between Glauce’s and the Sullivan’s villas. Gretchen and I are praying really hard. We ended up not going by her apartment or the one that may possibly be my new one because the hills were very steep and we didn’t want to walk down another hill and then back up since the hill we already walked up was pretty steep and it was getting late. We were afraid some others might be worried why we weren’t back yet too.

As we walked up the hill and then were going back down, I as getting very excited about the character this neighborhood has. Yes, it is by Itaewon (a place I being American and blonde will not want to be after dark on any given night) and by the military base with so many foreigners around. But it has character and is in the heart of the city, yet out by itself in a way. I can’t wait for October to get here so I can really get settled in. I just really hope that the hope of moving right away to that location that Norma and Glauce put in my heart is what will really happen. It is in God’s hands.

God so continues to bless even with my selfishness lately and doubt. Maybe that is because He really knows me and knows that more than anything I want to be where He is and where He wants me.

Prayer

Wednesday I woke up in a bad mood. This was strange since I had times of fellowship both Monday and Tuesday nights. My mood did not end with my wake up. One thing after another went wrong and with my lack of connection with people lately, it seemed even harder. I was fighting hard to change my mood, but my class made it even worse.

After morning break outside I told my class to go in to our room. Three of the four chose to act like they were in third grade and went to their old room and with their old teacher. However, the one who doesn't even let me breathe (she is always by my side and Never with the rest of the class-I am struggling with this) was with me.

I didn't bother to go find the others for I knew where they were at, so I began doing our Language/English lesson. The others came in and began interrupting. I took the points away that they had earned and asked where they had been. They answered and then I had asked if they had permission to go. I then proceeded to say that I knew they loved their teacher, Mrs. Nickel, from last year. Heck, I do too. However, I was now their teacher and they were in 4th grade not 3rd grade any more. I told them I was hurt and it was time that we became the 4th grade class at CCS.

The day didn’t get much better and I haven’t really heard from anyone in a while. Tae Kwon Do was good though because I was able to let a lot of my emotions out.

I reminded myself how important prayer was and I knew I needed to pray. Pray for my class and then for others. I was being pretty selfish and needed to pray for others.

I woke up Thursday to read in “God Calling” by AJ Russell:

August 31 PRAY AND DENY
“How be it this kind goeth no out but by prayer and fasting” Matthew 17:21

You must live a life of communion and prayer if you are to save others.
Take My Words as a command to you. “By prayer and fasting.”
Pray and deny yourself, and you will be used marvelously to save and help others.

Then at staff devotions, Mr. Nickel shared from Philippians 4:4-9. These two parts (from verses 6 and 9) really hit my heart: “….in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God…..Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me –put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

God then allowed many things that need to be prayed for to come into my day.

For instance;

-Noah and his family, you can read about them at http://noahsteven.blogspot.com
-Lisa, friend from high school, had breast cancer a couple of years ago. Went into remission, but now has a tumor on her brain and was given about a week to live. She has a young son.
-Noi, a friend of a friend, in Thailand whom also was given only a few months to live.
-Lloyd, a friend of a fellow teacher, the doctors don’t know what is wrong so they are making him leave Korea and sending him back to Canada.
-Another friend who is raising children alone now and who’s ex-husband is making it very difficult.

I could go on and on, but it all just made me realize that I need to pray and not think about my little struggle with my class (which by the way, they came together as a class on Thursday thanks to prayer and it was even better Friday.) or to think about feeling alone and not communicating with others for so long.

I need to communicate with God, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

Heavy Heart this Weekend

I woke up Saturday with a very heavy heart. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that Friday some of us teachers went to see the new school's location. The new building is located much more in the center of Seoul. It is near the military base and an area known as Itaewon. This is GOOD for the school in that there are many more foreigners in the area, much better chance for more students. The hard part for me and some others is getting use to this environment and then having to start all over.

We all decided to pray for the school and then one teacher sensing the mood of many said, "You know if this is where God wants to be, then I want to be where God is at." And yes, I do feel the same way. I am just not looking forward to the commute, but they are already looking to move us into apartments over there pretty quickly. However, rumor has it that they are looking for single apartments for those of us who are single. These will be like closets, a studio apartment that will be very small. I don't care about the size, I don't want to live by myself. I know I could do it if say there was three or four of us right next door to each other.

I know I have just spent the past few months living in excitement, yet uncertainty. I finally got here and am trying to not be overwhelmed and take it all in, and again I find I am really living through uncertainty. I just long to get settled in and find community.

And a secondary reason I think for the heaviness is with getting to know new people again. I have been content with who I am in Christ and where He has me in life. Yet every time I get to know new people I must hear the same things and get questioned. Them NOT believing I am 37 years old because I look so much younger. Then comes the questions of; And your still single? Why? Which then leads to more questions.

The not believing my age did come up the other day when getting to know another teacher. However, she asked me a question in a manner I have never been asked before. She asked NOT why I wasn't married, but if I wanted to be married. I was shocked at how deeply moved my heart was when I answered her and shared with her my greatest heart's desire.

These two things have caused me to feel lonely and overwhelmed this weekend. However, I am NOT doubting that I am exactly where God wants me to be at this time and for a purpose as this.

Saturday, I went in to school to write about this but was pleasantly distracted with IM'ing (chatting thru MSN Messenger) for a couple of hours with some people. I forgot about the heaviness for a while (thanks Daryan and Sheli). Then I went and cleaned my apartment and did laundry. Hung out later with some other teachers and held the baby (which I also ended up doing tonight as well).

I still cried myself to sleep that night. I longed to be held by God, but through physical arms, the way I wanted when I first decided to do this and was so stressed with working two jobs as well. It never happened then and I know it won't right now.

Today, I went to church near the new school's location, which felt like I was at church in the States. I don't know if this helped, since last night I have really felt homesick, or made it worse. I guess I have had too much time alone and am really missing the community I have been a part of for so long.

Though on a positive note, I made it home by myself on the subway after church today. I even went to get lunch and exchange some money.

I know God is speaking to me and comforting me though. He did this weekend through my devotions. "God Calling" by AJ Russell:

August 26 ACCEPT TRIALS

Trials and troubles may seem to overwhelm you. They cannot do more than work My Will, and that Will you have said is your Will.
Do you not see that you cannot be destroyed?
From now a new Life is opening out before you. Yours to enter into the Kingdom I have prepared for you.
The sunlight of My Presence is on your paths. Trust and go forward. My Grace is sufficient for all your needs.

August 27 TANGLED SKEINS
"In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15

Feel that..trust Me. Am I not leading you safely, faithfully? Will you believe Me, your Master, that all this is really to bring the answer to your prayers?
Remember that I am the Supreme Being who knows all and can control all.....

....Tell Me that you trust Me in this.


And all I know without a doubt is that I want to be where ever He is at and where He wants me and how He wants me.

Maybe God has had a heavy heart too, it rained hard Friday afternoon, and then on and off Saturday all the way into late Sunday evening. Which is very unusual for this time of the year here in Seoul.