I need to selfishly ask for some prayer. It seems selfish to me since there are so many other pressing things upon my heart, people and situations that God continues to place upon my heart that are more important than my requests.
I returned from China on Sunday to walk into an apartment that was like being in a sauna, no better yet I think I may have walked into the fiery pit of hell. You'd have to be here to know that there maybe more truth to that than you can imagine.
Anyways, since the end of my China trip and so far this week,especially tonight my heart is longing and ready to be home. I guess I feel more homesick right now than I have thus far here. But it feels weird at the same time because I have been so present in the moments placed before me. In China, God did some awesome things and even put me through a huge test. And I always meet the Risen Christ with my class every day. Even tonight I went to a women's function at church and saw God in a powerful way........but on my walk home I just wanted to cry, my heart wants to come home.
I know I just need a big touch from God right now at this moment and I do know that many of you continue to pray for me....trust me I really know this because without your prayers and God Himself I would not be making it. It has truly given me the strength I need. And though it seems like a silly request, I just really need some added strength for my heart at this present moment.
Speaking of my heart, my physical beating heart, there is something that I haven't mentioned but probably should have before now for prayer. I have been having heart palpitations for a while now. And this week they seem even worse. I don't get them when I am doing physical activity like walking up these hills, climbing the Great Wall in China, or working out. I have been getting them when I am laying down trying to fall asleep at night and when I am at rest. My heart has been racing much faster the past couple of days and for a longer amount of time than usual, and tonight walking home from church I felt a definite shortness in my breathing.
We have Thursday off, I most likely will go to the doctor here then, but I have to admit that I am scared about going to a doctor in a foreign country. I feel this is more of a spiritual attack than anything else. The only other time I experienced something like this was back in Tennessee while working for Dr. Gaither, it was because of medication I was taking. The problem stopped after a couple of days and I have NEVER felt anything like this ever since, at least not until after being in Korea a couple of months.
I am sorry this is long, but I could really use some added prayers at the moment. You all who know me know how I get when I am fighting feelings........I know God is right here with His loving arms wrapped around me, but it sure would be nice to have His arms in a physical way right now. This is when I hate being single.
May this find you wrapped in HIS loving arms as you seize the moments HE places before you to meet HIM in.
In Christ alone, Kimie
16 comments:
I am sorry that these final months are not "fun" times for you.
Don't get yourself too worked up.
To me it almost sounds like panic attacks. Which could very well be as I feel those are directly related to Spiritual events.
Love you girl!
Don't worry Kimie the angels probably already there! Hang in there.
Praying
I am praying for you. Know you are being lifted up this day and always. May God heal your heart and take care of your needs. I know He does.
I am praying for you Kimie!! Sounds like it could be stress (maybe even panic) there sure sounds like enough reason to be totally stressed out!! ;) My heart goes out to you in this VERY DIFFICULT situation. The "mom in me" will be counting with you the days until you come home!!
Kimie, We love you sweetie! I also get those heart palpitations, it
seems to happen around hormonal surges. Hopefully that's all it is. We are praying for you. You will be home before you know it and you can be so proud that you stuck it out even with all of the obstacles you've faced. You are a strong woman and wonderful daughter of the King! You have
represented the royal household very well and I just know your Daddy is beaming with pride!
Love you
I wonder if it could be anxiety? I felt that way when we were going
through the custody battle and I ended up taking Lexapro. I would get red in the face, sort of hot, a little short of breath, and my heart would take off. I'll pray for you.
Hi Kimie, sorry to hear that you are in so much distress about your heart and homesick. I am sure it cannot be fun, not having someone who you know truly cares, like a significant other or just your parents........we are never too old to need our parents. But, I have been experiencing that heart thing and shortness of breath for a very long time. I do take medication, but a lot of the times, it is just from stress.........emotional stress. Honest. I was told to give up caffeine, and that totally helped. So, maybe that is all there is to it. Hope so. It has been my experience that God is always available, even when we are not praying. He knows us and where we are and what we need and what is best for us.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you. Don't think that you are being selfish for asking for prayer. It sounds like there is some spiritual welfare going on in your life and God wants you to bring it before him. You are His child and no matter what you are going through it is important to Him!
You stepped out in faith this last year and it sounds like you and God have spent some wonderful time together. You have also had such great opportunities to travel to places that you probably would not have had a chance to visit had you not walked in God's will. I can also tell in your emails that you are anxious to be home and it sounds like God is calling you to come back. Just hang in there and know that you are right where He wants you!
I am no doctor, but because I have had similar symptoms, it almost sounds like you are suffering from anxiety or panic attacks. I hope that is all it is! Just rest in Him and keep going back to his word and his promises. It sounds like you are more than ready to come home. You know that you get to come home in 104 days, so just ask Him to change your heart for the time you have left. Look at the lives that you are touching and make the most of it.
I hope you found encouragement in my words and know that I am thinking of you. God's not done with you yet!
I WILL PRAY EVERY NIGHT AND DAY.
I read your email and just had to respond! We prayed for you tonight. We specifically prayed about your heart palpitations. My heart started skipping beats and acting up about 6 months ago! It's definitely a God thing : ) that it happened to me and I read your email. It was scary when this started happening; I went to the doctor and they ran a few tests and as it turns out, they said that everything looked fine. How could everything be ok? My heart is skipping beats and it's ok?? My doctor said it was just stress and anxiety! My symptoms are very similar to yours. She also mentioned shortness of breath being a symptom. My heart doesn't skip beats with exercise, but it does happen at "rest". Classic anxiety symptoms. My doctor said it's actually very normal for your heart to skip beats it's just that when you are under a lot of stress some people can actually feel it happening. So, my wife started praying specifically about my anxiety. It was really weird, because I don't categorize myself as an anxious person, but all the stress of my job (working *way* too much, long story) was taking it's toll! Prayer is really helping. Praise God! I'm not a doctor, but I don't think it's a coincidence that this just recently happened to me too! So I will pray specifically for anxiousness and that it will go away. It sure helped me : )
My verses for you are the entire chapter of Psalms 37 and 91. I recommend heavy doses of Psalms during this time of trial. This trial will pass too my friend : ) Take lots of deep breaths and bask in God's peace.
I will pray for you friend. I know how you feel to an extend. I do pray that you will have a physical representation of God's loving arms around you today. Sounds like life is a bit challenging right now and I will pray for peace and comfort from the great God of love. I went through a stretch like that this fall, not homesickness, but emotional pain because of loss of special people in my life. It's tough, but God will meet you there, I know He is faithful.
Praying that He shows Himself to you in a mighty way today.
Hey, there, Kimie
First, let me tell you that you are definitely in my prayers. When I get your e-mails, it allows me to make my prayers more specific, so thank you. Some of the things you write sound so familiar. It's like I could have written them. I pray that you can find rest in Him and take comfort in His amazing love. I know you experience Him daily, but may today bring a renewal of joy in a way that surprises and excites you.
I'll be praying for you to be able to see a good doctor and find out what may be causing your health issues. I know that God will keep you in the palm of His hand (even if it doesn't "feel" like it at the time :) ).
I'm sending you a hug through the Lord! Let Him be enough to meet your needs!
Kimie-
I know the feelings of being attacked sometimes by evil, I am sure mom filled you in on my spiritual attack not long ago. I really hate those times and know that without God's strength, they would be impossible to survive. I hope you went to the doctor to check on your heart because it could be something serious. I know the language barrier and cultural differences add anxiety, however I think it is worth a try. I also know that sometimes heart palpitations and pain occur from anxiety and stress, so make sure you are allowing those feelings to be expressed outwardly, so they are not harbored inside. It is a wondrous thing that the Lord did when he connected our bodies and minds and you would be surprised how many ailments are correlated from the two. (ie...I may have gotten so sick when I returned from Korea bc of the distance/missing mom, bc they never did find a diagnosis ya know?) Just a thought.
I am soooo excited for you to return here to the US and ecstatic that mom will be here too. I selfishly long for her to be here within driving distance and not a world away. God has blessed us with tools to communicate but there is nothing like a real hug.
I will pray for you and you keep that chin up. You and momma hang in there together and fight that evil. I worry so that something will happen to ya'll there but then I just put my trust in God that He will take care of ya'll no matter what.
Love ya and take care-
Just sending/giving you a little letter to tell you "you've been in my thoughts and prayers this week." Although I can't understand the fullness of your feelings right now, I can understand homesickness and lonliness. Both leave me broken and longing.
Wouldn't it be nice to just be picked up in the physical arms of God and embraced from time to time (or continuously if possible). I also long for what you mentioned. However, even more so I admire those who withstand and turn with joy to God to provide all. How I admire and respect your patience and faith in your Father in Heaven!(and how you focus on Him, even in pain).
Also, your joy radiates through raindrops of sorrow. It is a true joy that can be reflected when in pain! Everyday that I see you, I am reminded again of God's love and faithfulness. Thanks for being such an encouragement and light in dark places. May God encompass you in love. You are a blessing.
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