The skirt I wore today brought memories and a time of reflection and revelation to my heart.
I bought myself this skirt as a Birthday gift last year (though I used the gift card I was given at Christmas by my parents to purchase it).
With it on today, I recalled the very first time I wore this skirt. It was Sunday before my Birthday. I was pretty bold, even for me, after church. A day that revealed lots to me. A day filled with many blessings and possibilities from God.
Then, I recalled the last time in Denver I wore this skirt. It was a Saturday, the day before I left to come to Seoul, South Korea. I remembered standing in the garage of the family who means so much to me in my heart, watching a car pull up and feeling my heart skip a beat when an amazing person got out and walked towards me. An unbelievable moment for me that feels like it only happened yesterday. A moment I felt so much Hope.
Later that day, I got to jump on a trampoline in my skirt with some of the most awesome kids I know and love soooo very much. At that moment, I looked up and saw the faces of so many who have been a part of my journey thus far, at least in Denver. A moment I felt so much Love.
These memories came in the midst of a day when I felt as though I had no strength left. I wondered how I was really going to make it the next 26 days. Well, I know I will make it, but I know I can't do it. It will be the LORD who cares me through.
I needed these memories today more than I can express. They were a loving touch from God. However, at the same time I felt so much anxiety about coming home. They revealed to me what it is I am afraid of. I know I have lost a little bit of who I am, or at least was. I am afraid that I won't get that part of me back.
And with my Birthday fast approaching, knowing I am ever getting closer to '40', I notice how much gray is in my hair. I have never had this much before. The gray reminds me how tough this has been for me and on my heart.
I guess I'll just have to get my hair highlighted when I cut it to donate again. Though, I don't know if my heart will ever be the same.
1 comment:
HI! Having just read your last few entries, I smile. I smile at the woman I have known, and want to let you know I still hear her in there. No,... you will never be exactly the same as you were before you went on this leap of faith into the frontlines of the mission field, but I think you will find that you are still a poster child for faith. That's what i think of when I remember you. Faith. Faith that God will show up. Come through. Be enough. I think of the verse: "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." That's you, Kimie. You are a wonderful woman. Ever becoming a reflection of the One who created you. That doesn't mean that you don't ever get discouraged, but when you do, you retreat into the safety of the Rock, and He restores you. My prayers will be with you, that He encourage and restore you. And if you have lost important parts of yourself on this journey, that He will bring them back to you. Much love, mig
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