With 1 Moment....

As I reflect on the end of 2007, I am reminded more than anything that GOD can and will change everything in one moment. That one moment can be anything. A phone call, email, a chance meeting, etc...

Most recently for me was the moment when I was getting ready to register for classes at CCU, but was given a name of someone to contact about Special Education a few days before. I hadn't heard anything back and found the phone call I finally received back interesting as it was received minutes before I would have been registering. This phone call opened up the door to look into a Masters of Education degree at Regis University along with a license in Special Education. Not only that, it led me to the interview I had on Friday to TEACH while going to school in and for a Special Education classroom at a school in the Cherry Creek School District (like the best district in Colorado). This all has truly been the Hand of GOD. I had a plan, but HE led me to something much better.

I also got to spend a week alone in the mountains with GOD. Where HE once again began to speak, especially through the things I was reading (the end of "Soul Cravings" by Erwin McManus, as well as my usual "Our Daily Bread", "God Calling", and "Living the Message").

However, I have to admit that I held back from going deeper with HIM there. I recalled a year ago being in Indonesia on the Island of Bali at Kuta Beach and how loud and clear GOD spoke to me. Yet, I think about all that has happened since that moment and I am confused. I have this fear, sort of doubt that I haven't experienced before. I have this sense of loss, hurt, and disappointment that has made me fear drawing that close to GOD, at least in the way I had a year ago.

But then I think how GOD continues to change things with just a moment. HE has been and still is working and moving in my life. Though I have this fear, GOD speaks to those who take time to listen, and HE listens to those who take time to pray. HE seems to hit me right where my fear and doubts are. Again, HE spoke through the end of "Soul Cravings" and the past three days of "God Calling" really have parts or the whole devotion that stand out to me and fit with where I am at lately. They are:

December 29
...Go forward gladly and unafraid. I am with you. With man your task may be impossible, but with God all things are possible.

December 30 Fishers Of Men
When you think of those of whom you read who are in anguish, do you ever think how My Heart must ache with the woe of it, with the anguish of it?
If I beheld the city and wept over it, how much more should I weep over the agony of these troubled hearts, over lives that seek to live without My sustaining Power.
"They will not come unto Me that they might have Life."
Live to bring others to Me, the only Source of Happiness and Heart-Peace.

And to end the year with words I needed to hear:

December 31
Jesus. That is the Name by which you conquer. Jesus. Not as cringing suppliants but as those recognizing a Friend, say My Name- Jesus. "Thou shall call His Name Jesus for He shall save His people from their sins."
And in that word "sins" read not only vice and degradation, but doubts, fears, tempers, despondencies, impatience, lack of Love in big and little things. Jesus. "He shall save His people from their sins." The very uttering of the Name lifts the soul away from petty valley-irritations to mountain heights.
"He shall save His people from their sins." Savior and Friend, Joy-bringer and Rescuer, Leader and Guide- Jesus. Do you need delivering from cowardice, from adverse circumstances, from poverty, from failure, from weakness?
"There is none other Name...whereby you can be saved"- JESUS. Say it often. Claim the Power it brings.

As 2007 comes to a close I want to cry out to JESUS. I want to begin 2008 with that same cry and to say the Name -JESUS, every day as I grow ever closer to HIM this next year. I want to take all the fears and doubts away as I call on the Name -JESUS.

I want to close with a few quotes from "Our Daily Bread" over the past couple of weeks.

Though you cannot see the outcome,
Trust the Lord - He knows what's best;
Be assured He sees your trial,
And He's with you in your test. --Hess

Christ did not come to shield us from
The grief and pain of life;
But those who have His peace inside
Can thrive within the strife. --Sper

It matters not the path on earth
My feet are made to trod;
It only matters how I live:
Obedient to God. --Clark

Bye 2007, tomorrow a turn of the page, start of a new chapter.

Impossible?

We just got done as a class reading Luke. When I read Luke 1:37, "For with GOD nothing will be impossible", my heart ached. I know soooo many who are in a place right now where they are doubting those words. They want to believe them, but they can't through all the pain, disappointment, questions, hurts.

Today I just learned of another marriage that may be ending. My heart is breaking. And yet personally, I ask why is there so much pain in so many people's lives at this present moment. Sure I know the answer, there is an enemy out there who wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

Yet, isn't CHRISTMAS about the world receiving the BEST GIFT ever. That GIFT was GOD's LOVE in the form of a Baby who came to be our SAVIOR. My prayer this CHRISTMAS is that we can GIVE that LOVE to each other.

GOD speaks so often to us, yet we don't listen. Whether it is being afraid or whatever it may be......... that whatever is usually something that has to do with US, not the other person. Let's stop looking at ourselves this CHRISTMAS and start looking at each other. May we start listening to the voice of GOD that we hear so often, in so many ways, yet usually find some way to ignore.

There are things in my own life at the moment that seem impossible to me. However, I know that once I get in the mountains alone with GOD.........well, I know HE will speak. I just HOPE and PRAY that I can listen through the disappointment, hurt, questions, and pain that I feel right now. And not just for myself, but for soooo many others.

CHRISTMAS is already a time of stress for many. We have so often forgotten the REAL meaning of CHRISTMAS. So many...... well, the Holidays can just be a hard time as it. And this year, I am mad because the enemy is truly trying to steal, kill, and destroy the JOY that so many long to feel this CHRISTMAS.

I just know that nothing is impossible for GOD, HE can some how change EVERYTHING in just one moment. Like making a phone call and having all your plans change. I was looking at attending another school and GOD directed me to something amazing. EVERYTHING can truly change in a moment, in one instance.

I pray that the PEACE of CHRIST may fill your heart with JOY as you meet the RISEN CHRIST in the form of a BABY this CHRISTMAS. May HE be a part of every moment and memory. "For with GOD nothing will be impossible."

Amazing KIDS!!

I am so blessed with the kids that GOD has put into my life and allows to cross my path.

I presently live with four of the BESTEST ones ever. Every day no matter what I smile, laugh, or am touch deep within my heart with something at least one of them does. Truly the best example of the GIFT of LOVE this Season is about.

This week it has been the little moments with many of them that stand out in my heart.

Tuesday night, I was blessed by finally meeting Emily Graves, but truly blessed when she handed me a picture she had just drew for me. It is up in my room right now. She is a true blessing and gift from GOD.

Wednesday night, I had to drive home another car while my is getting fixed. It is a pick up truck. When I walked outside to leave all the kids in the neighborhood were in the back end singing songs. Boy did that make me smile and warm my heart. I also met a very cute and awesome girl at dinner and enjoyed my time with her and her dad.

Then today, my class is very much going to be missed. They write on everything we do how much they love me and will miss me, but that isn't what makes me smile. They have memorized 2 Timothy 1:1-2:13............today they didn't recite it as a class but each one did it individually. Wow, these little guys know it. I know GOD was smiling brightly above. Can any of you recite that much? It is gonna be hard and sad to say good bye tomorrow, but GOD is in it.

Also, one of the girls in my class is growing her hair to donate to Locks of Love. We were talking about it and I got a chance to share with her about others who would be donating their hair on January 12, and she wants to donate it in Noah's name.

Just some moments this week when I met the RISEN CHRIST face to face in the flesh and my heart was warmed with the MIRACLE and GIFT of CHRISTMAS!

Candy Cane

Today in class we read the story, "The Legend of the Candy Cane" by Lori Walburg.

The very last page said:

While we may never know the full history of the candy cane, we can share in the Truth behind its symbols, the Truth of CHRIST's Birth and Redemption, and the GIFT OF HIS LOVE.

In case you don't know what those symbols are here is a quick run down, but I suggest you read the book.

1. Hold it upside down and it is a J for JESUS!, who was born on Christmas Day.
2. Turn it around and it looks like a Shepherds Staff, who were the first to learn of JESUS' Birth while watching over their flock by night.
3. The stripes are a reminder for what Isaiah said 'by His stripes we are healed'
4. The red reminds us of the suffering HE endured and the blood HE shed for us on the Cross.

Just something to think about when we see a Candy Cane this Christmas.

Why?

Yes, why is the question. There is soooo much that is happening in so many peoples lives who mean alot to mean. So much hurt and so many questions of why.

I have a ton of them myself. And would love to understand. Why some things have happened the way the have and what the meaning to it all is. But then there is a part of me that just doesn't care, just wants to close my heart from pain and hurt. Not really harden it, just close it off from feeling so much and so deeply for people and things. Yet, isn't that what GOD calls us to do? GIVE to and LOVE others. After all this is the Season in which GOD send the world the BESTEST GIFT of all. HE gave us HIS SON in the form of Love to become our SAVIOR.

So why so much hurt and pain when we have this gift as an example of what we should give? Why do some choose to walk away from their spouse for no reason? Why would I be called to a job and lead to leave it? Why are we not honest with each other? Why? Why? Why?...

Last night I finally did get an answer to one of my whys. I also finally got to finish my list of things I was looking forward to when returning from Korea. That last top five thing I have been waiting six months for finally happened, though it was nothing like I thought it would be. I also know that I was totally led by GOD to make it happen. It was and is weird. Doesn't seem real in a way. And at the same time I was blessed in a way I wouldn't have guessed.

I still have a ton of questions and things I would love to understand right now during this very dark season in soooo many peoples lives. So many whys that are unanswered in their hearts. I pray during this Season that is suppose to be about family, friends, and the Gift of Love that GOD does wrap HIS arms around those who are hurting. May those of us who aren't in that place, though Christmas is always a time of stress for many, remember the GIFT of LOVE that GOD gave us in the form of a baby whom was born in a manger and came to be our SAVIOR. May we put that LOVE into actions this Season to the people around us. We may never get the answers to our Why questions, or any understanding, but may the RISEN CHRIST be met in all that we say and do this Season and ALWAYS. May HIS Gift continue to a part of everything and in every moment.

Class Poems

My class has had to write two poems that they like to recite from Penmanship. Something led me to share them here with you. There is such truth to the words in them and so simply put.

IMPORTANT RULES
Whatever you are, be honest;
Whatever you do, do well.
Whatever you speak, speak kindly;
Give joy wherever you dwell.

DO THE BEST
Love the beautiful, seek out the true,
Wish for the good, and the best do!

I know that I do want to be honest all the time. I want to speak kindly and wish for good to those whom I have allowed to hurt me. To do my best no matter what. To always see the beauty in everything GOD has created. And most importantly to be TRUE!!

Plus, I remember always telling my students in Korea to spread JOY wherever they were. Wow, that whole idea of putting JESUS and Others before Yourself.

They are important rules that we must do our best to do.

GIVIN' UP...

...at least on this idea of love. I have been hoping, believing, trusting, and waiting for SOMETHING for the past 16 months. What that SOMETHING is I don't know for sure.

But what I do know is the man that I thought was the most amazing man I had met seems to have become the biggest idiot and the littlest boy I have ever met.

I don't know what hurts my heart more; feeling rejected, deceived, and cheated or believing in him and HIM for that matter in this area of my journey. I guess I believed him to be something he is not and that hurts. But actions do speak louder than the words I have heard. I also believed that GOD had my heart in HIS Hand this time. I trusted that and that disappointment hurts, too.

Because actions speak louder than words I have given up on this one wish, want, desire, and dream. It is the same old thing over and over and my heart can't take it any more. I had thought that the last time before this was it. I had stopped wishing, wanting, desiring, and dreaming; and then he walked in my life and..... Well, it just doesn't matter any more. (I wrote about this in more detail to a handful of friends whom I have been keeping updated on this whole area of life, some comments are from that email).

I have given up on the idea of being that little girl standing in front of a boy and asking him to love me. I think I am just gonna stick with GOD and GOD alone.  Everything else hurts too much.

How can I...

I am sure you all have Christmas miracles or wishes that you would like to experience. I know I have one, but after the past two years of my life...well, I don't believe it will come true. But I still trust that GOD has a plan and it is way better than my one little want or wish. I realize that December is already here and I have not asked others how I could pray for them during this Christmas Holiday Season.

I have been so consumed with myself, with ending one chapter and beginning a new one in the midst of the chaos of life. I have been occupied with getting an application completed and embarking on getting my Masters, as well as a license in the State of Colorado to teach Special Ed. I am excited about all that the future has in store. GOD has been guiding and directing and blessing me with so many little miracles already. It has made me finally see HIM clearly again. I felt like Peter walking on the water, however, I wasn’t taking my eyes off JESUS to focus on the waves and wind. I was looking straight ahead, but could not see HIM through the fog, so to speak.

So forgive me for being focused on myself. Last night during my quiet time, of course I was reading “Our Daily Bread” here is some of what it said:

In 1 John 3:18, John talked about what we are to do when we see others in need. He told us to have active compassion: “Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed.” When we see a need, it’s good to talk about it, but we must also do something about it. We are instructed: “Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22).

Ask the Holy Spirit to place someone on your heart to help in Jesus’ name. Then take action. Make a difference today. Send a card. Give a gift. Offer a ride. Make a call. Love in deed is love indeed. -Dave Branon

Lord, when I learn that someone is hurting. Help me know what to do and to say; Speak to my heart and give me compassion, Let Your great love flow through me today.
—K. De Haan

Also, in “GOD CALLING” there was a great answer for when we as humans fail in putting love into action. 'In your dark hours, when human help fails, keep very close to the Man of Sorrows, JESUS. Feel HIS Hand of Love press yours in silent but complete understanding. HE, too, was acquainted with grief. No heart can ache without HIS heart aching too.'

I want my love to be action, because I want my actions to speak louder than my words. I wrote an entry on this back in June.

I try to call or write when GOD puts someone on my heart, though at times I fail in doing so because I do get too absorbed in myself or I don't want to bother them.

GOD is love (I John 4:16), so may we all put Love in Action this Christmas Season. After all it is the gift HE gave us, the least we can do is give that gift in return.

So, HOW CAN I PRAY FOR YOU THIS CHRISTMAS? What miracle or gift from GOD are you hoping to experience?

"every woman, every day"

The entry for today in the above titled devotional encouraged and uplifted me, just as the cover says. I thought I would share it here.

Remember, you are a child of God, the bride of Christ, and a precious daughter of the King of the universe. Even if someone treats you less than royally or uses you for a purpose other than what God intended, never forget who you really are.

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Period.

Draw a line in the sand and refuse to allow your future to be hindered by your past. God has great things in store for you as you seek to discover the true purpose for which you were created- a divine purpose, indeed!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

In a Mess

GOD does have a sense of humor. No, I am not truly in a mess, but I found the title "In a Mess" from yesterdays "Living the Message" funny.

Eugene Peterson was writing about the first verses in Genesis with the wonderful phrase 'formless and void'. He said that that was a mess, the chaos and how GOD creates out of that chaos. He said he told a group that he liked the mess. Here is some of that devotion:

...I do not mean I like messes as such, but I like that sense of being in a mess, held there by hope, knowing how God's creativity works, slowly, slowly, slowly, but always with surprises....

I found it funny because I always seem to find myself in some kind of mess, chaos so to speak.

Last night as I was driving home, I heard Delilah on the radio. She could have been speaking about me and my life. I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry.

Then this morning as I am trying to get my essay uploaded to my application for Regis, well everything you could think of could go wrong and has pretty much continued that same way all morning. However, what a change I feel in my spirit as these 'things' have been happening. All I could do was PRAISE JESUS and say 'bring it on'. I am ready for the fight today and I KNOW that I will win.

And GOD continues with that sense of humor. My devotional this morning in "every woman, every day", well you see GOD's humor, at least for me, in it. Here is what it said:

You now have a choice. So what will you focus on- the pain or the hope? Probably both at first. There will be days when the pain will overwhelm you, and your anger will drive hope far away. That's okay. God understands, and He won't bop you over the head for your lack of faith. He'd rather hug you and draw you near, if you'll let him. You're His child, remember?

Still, thanking God for the revelation and choosing hope for the future is the first step to your freedom. Sure, your first faltering steps in the direction will be like crossing a stream by jumping from rock to slippery rock, which means it won't be easy. Being thankful in the midst of chaos is always a challenge. Sometimes it'll feel as if you're thanking Him for your pain, which may seem comical and even hypocritical in your eyes. And it may take daily discipline, even moment-by-moment discipline, to maintain a grateful outlook.

But as you discipline your heart to the truth and choose to be thankful for what He has done in opening your eyes, your obedience will kick up a breeze of the Spirit's breath in your life that'll begin to dissipate your pain.

Wow, this just hit home with all that has been going on. The humor in both is that I heard a message about having chaos in your life, to then reading the word chaos last night, and to top it off this morning I read about chaos for the third time. Not to mention my life on Friday, and this morning feels like a mess, chaos.

All I know is I am looking forward as my most recent pain turns the clock forward to a new hope of the future. GOD is sooo good even in the chaos of life.

Not BORING...

Oh yes, I wrote that the next chapter of my life would not be boring or without pain and disappointments. I just didn't think it would start with so much excitement. I thought it may be quiet for bit. Was I ever wrong.

I was suppose to be registering for classes at CCU on Friday, however, I made one call about a para position in Cherry Creek School District and I am now filling out an application to Regis University.

Regis has a Master's program that would enable me to get my Special Education (K-12) License at the same time. Oh, and did I mention this may enable me to get a job teaching Special Education at the same time I am going to school.

Just a lot more to pray about. I need to wait for GOD's guidance.

The hard part is that I need to get my application completed by tomorrow, December 3, 2007, in order to start classes on January 7, 2008 (as I was already planning on doing at CCU). Worse cases scenario is that I have to wait. I'd have to wait and start on March 3, 2008, instead.

Basically, I need a miracle or favor from GOD again by tomorrow. I am praying for this and excepting it all to work out according to HIS Plans and Purposes for my life. I am also gonna need some kind of job if not teaching or para in special ed. very soon in order to have some income while involved in this next chapter of my oh so adventuresome life.

Yes, my life is NEVER boring. I thought it would be quiet for a short time before the excitement began. Again, boy was I wrong.

Glad I have the opportunity this month to take sometime to be alone up in the mountains with GOD. My soul, heart, and especially my mind will need the break, rest, and being still with HIM.