Amazing GOD!!

I just got back from spending the weekend in Buena Vista, Colorado, having some fun adventures at Noah's Ark with some folks from the Youth Group at my parents church in Michigan.

It amazed me how the words in "God Calling" went with every day of this adventure I was on. Something we did, I thought, was discussed/talked about, or experienced went right along with what I later read when spending some time alone with GOD. Just where I am at in wanting more of JESUS. I am only gonna share some of the words in "God Calling" and not much of what I was sharing and experiencing with GOD... you will just have to trust that the following words were related in some way to what GOD was doing in, through, and around me the past few days. HE really is amazing.

I drove there on June 26, the two hour or so drive was spent talking to GOD and viewing HIS wonderful creation. That night I read DO NOT RUSH:

Learn in the little daily things of life to delay action until you get My Guidance....
So many lives lack poise. For in the momentous decisions and the big things of life, they ask My help but into the small things they rush alone.
By what you do in the small things those around you are most often antagonized or attracted.

I went Rock Climbing and Rappelling on June 27, the idea of trusting GOD... especially while standing on the edge of a cliff... amazing HE is!

The Eternal Arms shelter you. "Underneath are the Everlasting Arms." This promise is to those who rise above the Earth-life and seek to soar higher, to the Kingdom of Heaven.
You must not feel the burden of your failure. Go on in faith, the clouds will clear, and the way will lighten- the path becomes less stony with every step you take. So run that you may obtain. A rigid doing of the simple duties, and success will crown you efforts....
...Remember now abideth these three Faith, Hope, and Charity. Faith is your attitude towards Me. Charity your attitude towards your fellowman but, as necessary, is Hope, which is confidence in yourself to succeed.

I will add only succeeding with CHRIST, can't do it on my own because the Hope comes in HIM.

I went Whitewater Rafting on June 28, of course I have a story just like every time I have gone down Brown's Canyon on the Arkansas River with Noah's Ark. However, thank Heavens that I didn't fall out this time... only ended up in a bush, gave lots of Laughter to all.

It has not been in vain this training and teaching time. The time of suppression, repression, depression is changed now into a time of glorious expression.
Life is flooded through and through with Joy and Gladness. Indeed I have prepared a table of delights, a feast of all good things for you.
Indeed your cup runneth over and you can feel from the very depth of your heart. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

I went for a hike up Mt. Princeton on June 29, we had an opportunity to sit and be still with GOD for over a half hour... Wow, did I meet HIM there in that time and it was awesome to listen to HIS still small voice... I got to spend time in prayer on some matters that really need GOD's attention.... and things that I have and need to continue to hand over to HIM and Trust HIM in and with. I also got to have JUST HIM for a while. Wow, I do love HIM soooo!! I really couldn't believe this day how the words later were a reflection to my time with HIM.

MY WILL - YOUR JOY

Our Lord and our God. Lead us, we beseech Thee. Lead us and keep us.

You can never go beyond My Love and Care. Remember that. No evil can befall you. Circumstances I bless and use must be the right ones for you.
But I know always that the first step is to lay your will before Me as an offering, ready that I shall do what is best, sure that, if you trust Me, what I do for you will be best.
Your second step is to be sure, and to tell me so, that I am Powerful enough to do everything, that no miracle is impossible for me.
Then leave all with Me. Glad to leave all your affairs in a Master Hand. Sure of safety and protection. Remember you cannot see the future. I can.
You could not bear it. So only little by little can I reveal it to you. Accept My Will and it will bring you joy.

I left the morning of June 30, to return home after saying good bye to some new friends, as well as old ones. Thank you Teresa for allowing me to join you all... what an awesome and amazing adventure to take part in.

Take joy wherever you go. You have been much blessed. You are being much blessed.
Such stores of blessing are awaiting you in the months and years that lie ahead. Pass every blessing on.
Love can and does go round the world, passed on the God-currents from one to the other.
Shed a little sunshine in the heart of one, that one is cheered to pass it on, and so My vitalizing joy-giving message goes.
Be transmitters these days. Love and Laugh. Cheer all. Love all.
Always seek to understand others and you cannot fail to love them.
See Me in the dull, the uninteresting, the sinful, the critical, the miserable.
See Me in the laughter of children and the sweetness of old age, in the courage of youth and the patience of man and womanhood.

Being up in the mountains playing this past weekend made me feel alive in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I love being out in GOD's creation. I love doing the activities I did this past weekend. At times it makes me wish I could do them all the time, every day like when I worked at a summer camp. I want to ask GOD why a door hasn't opened up in this area or in some way to do it all the time? But HE knows, HE has a plan and a purpose and HIS plan and purpose are much better than my thoughts on the plan. I know HE has spoken many times things in my life when I was seeking HIM... and I know that those things will happen some day in some way... However, they won't be like any of the thoughts that I have had on the matter. Plus, it really isn't about me doing the things I think I should do or would like to do... it is ALL ABOUT HIM, if CHRIST isn't at the center and what it is all about then what is the point. As I have written recently.... JUST GIVE ME JESUS! HE really is ALL I WANT and NEED.... and that is exactly what I got to do this weekend.... Meet and Experience the RISEN CHRIST. What an Amazing GOD!!

Just Give me JESUS!!

That is all I WANT, JESUS!! I am not looking for an easy life, or the desires of my heart, or even to have blessings come my way... JUST GIVE ME JESUS!

I have been trying to read "The Pressure's Off" by Larry Crabb. I say trying because I have been attempting to pick it up since about Christmas... but, in light of all that is and has been happening in my life this year there seems to be no time.

However, I am making the time to read it. If this is the only book I get read this summer I will feel like I have accomplished a lot.
*though I must make a note here to say that I have read a lot of text book material and articles this year, as well as my quiet time, so I am reading! I am just not reading like I really like to. But then it is ALWAYS GOD's Perfect Timing when I finally do pick up and begin to read.

My prayers before finally picking the book up to read have been that I could have More of JESUS, that's all period. As well as, prayers about Trusting HIM more and being myself again (which I haven't felt like I have been in a long time... feel like I have been pretending and afraid. That I have been walking in fear, as well as pain and hurt of the past).

Anyways, I pick up the book and those things are what Crabb is writing about. He talks about an old way and a new way of living. He states it best when he states that there are two difficulties:

One, it requires us to yield control over what happens in our lives and to trust God to do whatever He thinks best. Regular quiet times and fervent prayer do not guarantee the cancer won't come back; neither do they ensure expanded and effective ministry. We prefer to claim influence,if not control, over which blessings come our way.

Two, it's harder to enjoy God than His blessings. Offer a young child the choice of having Daddy present Christmas morning with no gifts or having Daddy absent and a stack of gifts piled high beneath the tree, and the child might choose the gifts. Only the mature value the blessing of presence over the blessing of presents.

Hmmm... valuing the blessing of presence over the blessing of presents... That soooo stuck out to me because that is where my heart has been lately. Sure I'd love to have some things happen in my life, but truthfully I'd rather have HIS Presence than any Presents, so to speak, that HE could give. Again.... JUST GIVE ME JESUS!

I find that lately in the past few years I have not been living as fully or abundantly as I had at the beginning of my thirties. I find myself living the old way that Crabb is talking about, consumed with my desire to feel alive, not be bored, but to be in a passionate, adventure seeking experience. I then get tired from the effort of making it exciting that I need to find relief in HIM. I think I have been walking down the path wanting the presents, along with the presence. But my heart wants more of JESUS!

Then I get to the part about not being me and walking in my fear, not Trusting GOD. Larry Crabb used an example of an apple that brought my thoughts more into prospective. He writes:

I've viewed myself as a shiny red apple sitting in a fruit bowl positioned on the center of a dining-room table. Look at me from a distance and you'll be drawn. The apple is big, there are no visible bruises, and it's well shaped. Come a little closer- read a book I've written, attend a seminar I'm leading, listen to me teach the Bible- and your impression that the apple is good fruit might be strengthened. You may want to pick it up and take a bite... Have a conversation with me, come to me for spiritual direction, join a small group with me, combine your gifts with mine to develop a ministry- and you might conclude that indeed I'm the juicy, substantial, sweet-tasting apple I appear to be. But I know. I know what you don't know and what I'm determined to never let you discover. There's a worm in the center. A few more bites and you will spit me out. I must keep you from moving too close. To know me much is to like me. To know me fully will reveal how disgusting I really am.... I can buff the apple till it shines and convince you that no worm could possibly live in such a good-looking piece of fruit.

For most of my thirties I haven't minded being fully know... so what happened when I went to Korea, as well as my return? This really hit me that I haven't been me... Kimie is not afraid to let the worm be seen inside the good fruit, but I have been afraid to be me. Afraid that if I was really seen it would be yucky and ugly. This has been so true since meeting someone very special to me. I don't know why he has stayed around, because I sure as heck haven't given him any chances to see the Kimie that I Know GOD has created me to be and that I am. And in the process of walking in that fear I haven't even given him a glimpse of a shiny, juicy, good-looking apple on the outside... so how the heck can I let the one person right now that I want to know me, really know me and see me?

The only way to truly get there is to Trust GOD and JUST GIVE ME JESUS!! Let me put it this way by using more of Crabb's words, yet changing a word to fit me right now.

Who am I? Am I the moral weakling I so often know myself to be, full of pride and fear? Or am I the woman of GOD I long to be, centered in the Person of CHRIST and empowered by the Spirit to reveal HIS Glory through my life?

Again, let me add that it still amazes me that GOD brings me to a book that adds to my own thoughts at the moment. It is like HE is speaking through the words right to my heart and then it feels like a hug from HIM as well. Thank you GOD for loving me that much.HE knows that I want more of HIM and that I want to be centered in HIM in order that HE may be revealed and Glorified through my life. JUST GIVE ME JESUS!

Here is something else from the book that made me think. Crabb stated that: We live near a three-headed dragon. The world is around us, the devil prowls toward us, and the flesh lies within us. When this dragon roars, it doesn't always sound like a volcano erupting. It can seem more like a friend dropping in for supper.


I also liked how Larry Crabb compared Paul and Bilbo Baggins,from J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit". He said like Baggins, Paul left a comfortable life and set out to find treasure. He wrote: They both walked away from the Better Life of Blessings and entered on a journey full of hardship and trouble that promised a Better Treasure. For Paul, it was nearness to God- now in measure, then face to face.

That is what I WANT too....I don't want a better life of blessings....

JUST GIVE ME JESUS, and a life that seeks HIM, a life HE can be Glorified in and through.

Yes,....
JUST GIVE ME MORE OF JESUS!

Not again?!

Yes, it did happen again! That is another car problem. On my way home from class tonight something happened with my clutch and I had to pull over and stop the car... I was almost home by the way.

I am not really writing because of that. I just find it interesting how these things continue to happen to me, but...

...the reason I am writing it down is because I can't believe how I am handling it. Usually I get emotional and very stressed over these kinds of things, NOT so this time. Maybe that is because it happens too often and I am getting use to it?

Nah,I believe it is a test from my prayers yesterday. I am not stressed or emotional about it, heck I even laughed about it with a friend over the phone.

I KNOW that it will ALL work out, GOD ALWAYS takes care of me. So, a test to see if I REALLY do TRUST HIM? Maybe...

All I know is that when it happened it was about 10:30pm and I was on my way home from class. My first thought was who am I gonna call and how am I going to get home? I knew I needed to call a tow truck, I also called my mechanic, and called two friends.

Tow truck couldn't make it until morning they said... left a message for mechanic... left a message for friend whom I knew was sleeping and would get the message in the morning... left message for other friend across state. Then I called the police.... I figured they needed to know that my car was there if a tow couldn't happen until morning and thought they could get me home. Well the officer was awesome. She called a tow truck and sent another officer... in the mean time, my friend called back and said she'd come get me and I could use one of their cars, plus spoke to mechanic and friend across state. GOD was all over each moment. PRAISE JESUS!!

Things all worked out and I didn't stress a bit.... I knew HE had it all under control.

Now if I could just get to this same place of Trust in my love life, WOW! Thanks GOD for Loving me soooo much.

Perfect Prayer...

...at least at this moment for me. There have been two written in the past couple of days in "every woman, every day" and they are ones I am saying as well:

LORD, I don't understand why waiting is such an impossible thing for me. Time appears to plow ahead, and the changes I long for seem like distant dreams, whispers of possibility, but far from present reality. Help me understand that in the waiting I am living my questions one day at a time. In living the questions, I can be assured of learning much more about Your nature than instant answers or change will offer me. Please give me patience and faith. Like the rolling of the unending tide, Father, I pray that You will continue to come upon me, restoring my faith and granting me greater patience for the journey.

LORD, I understand how important guarding my heart is to my well-being. The longings and desires of my heart affect every other aspect of my life. Teach me how to guard my heart, how to protect it. Teach me how to keep my heart pure. With a pure heart, I can be pure physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I know they are someone else's prayers... but the words were almost what I had been praying about when I read them. They are my cry at the moment. Along with the word I say so often in my day:

TRUST

"I TRUST YOU, LORD"

Not in awhile

I haven't posted anything in a while....not because GOD hasn't been talking or moving in my heart... HE meets me exactly where I am at, or with something I think I want or need everyday. HE continues to uplift my heart even when it seems so heavy. Each day I just continue to love HIM more and more.

Yet, I know I haven't written here because I am not for sure I want to share the things GOD has been doing in my heart at the moment, or to share the things I struggle with at the moment. Maybe I feel people have had enough so why do they want to read about my life, after all my life is really uneventful and pretty boring to say the least. Plus, when I share what is going on in my life and things change... well, others get hurt too and I can't handle that. I can handle the pain and rejection myself, but for those who care about me to experience it too just seems to hard.

Recently I have been told that I like "drama" and find a way to create it.... I'd say that is pretty true. Sure life is an adventure, but I don't know if I would call my life adventuresome. I am pretty sure I create the drama, mostly because during those times of turmoil, adventure, storms, etc.... I find a way to draw closer to GOD, therefore find that need to create it. I would also say that it is because I like to take "Risks".... yet, that is where my heart has been struggling lately.

I feel the pain has been tooo much in the past and don't know if I can RISK enough again if there is gonna be pain in the end. Yet, isn't the Risk worth it? I begin to doubt and fear creeps in.... though I am trying with all my heart in every moment of every day to TRUST........ TRUST in GOD!!

Every time a thought comes in... I take it captive and lay it at the foot of the cross.... and just say "I TRUST YOU, GOD!" This is sometimes on a minute basis in a given day. Yes, "I TRUST YOU, GOD!"... Some days it is more like "I WANT TO TRUST YOU, GOD IN EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING!"

My cousin sent me and email the other day that had these words in it:
Worry looks ahead, Sorry looks behind, but Faith looks up!!

It was perfect timing as always in my life. The month of June has been hard for many reasons, yet I always know GOD is right there to hold me in HIS Arms until I fall asleep and Rest... so to speak. I know that I don't want to look behind or ahead, I ONLY want to look UP. After all today is the tomorrow that was thought of yesterday.

Ok, I really need to get back to my homework... I have a busy weekend and week ahead. Class, moving back into My condo, then class... not to mention next week is the last week of school (for work teaching, that is ).

In closing I want to share the words that were in a Birthday ecard from my Dad on my Birthday this year, May 31, 2008. I don't know if he took that much time in contemplating which one to send, but I felt his words really moved me and that if he did find the perfect ones, instead of just finding a card, then he "knows" me pretty darn good.

My Birthday ecard:

Daughter, You are so Loved

She greets the dawn of each new day
with the brightness of the sun itself

And finds joy in the smallest things.

For being wise beyond your years,
yet still believing in the wonder
that each day can bring…

For having your own special dreams
and giving so much of yourself
to make them come true…

For all the ways you make life an adventure
and fill even the most ordinary days
with fun…

you are loved more
than you could ever imagine.

Happy Birthday.

Woman Should...

MAYA ANGELOU'S Best Poem Ever...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh,
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a good piece of furniture,
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend,
without ruining the friendship.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder,
and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love, or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...
and a year...