Not in awhile

I haven't posted anything in a while....not because GOD hasn't been talking or moving in my heart... HE meets me exactly where I am at, or with something I think I want or need everyday. HE continues to uplift my heart even when it seems so heavy. Each day I just continue to love HIM more and more.

Yet, I know I haven't written here because I am not for sure I want to share the things GOD has been doing in my heart at the moment, or to share the things I struggle with at the moment. Maybe I feel people have had enough so why do they want to read about my life, after all my life is really uneventful and pretty boring to say the least. Plus, when I share what is going on in my life and things change... well, others get hurt too and I can't handle that. I can handle the pain and rejection myself, but for those who care about me to experience it too just seems to hard.

Recently I have been told that I like "drama" and find a way to create it.... I'd say that is pretty true. Sure life is an adventure, but I don't know if I would call my life adventuresome. I am pretty sure I create the drama, mostly because during those times of turmoil, adventure, storms, etc.... I find a way to draw closer to GOD, therefore find that need to create it. I would also say that it is because I like to take "Risks".... yet, that is where my heart has been struggling lately.

I feel the pain has been tooo much in the past and don't know if I can RISK enough again if there is gonna be pain in the end. Yet, isn't the Risk worth it? I begin to doubt and fear creeps in.... though I am trying with all my heart in every moment of every day to TRUST........ TRUST in GOD!!

Every time a thought comes in... I take it captive and lay it at the foot of the cross.... and just say "I TRUST YOU, GOD!" This is sometimes on a minute basis in a given day. Yes, "I TRUST YOU, GOD!"... Some days it is more like "I WANT TO TRUST YOU, GOD IN EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING!"

My cousin sent me and email the other day that had these words in it:
Worry looks ahead, Sorry looks behind, but Faith looks up!!

It was perfect timing as always in my life. The month of June has been hard for many reasons, yet I always know GOD is right there to hold me in HIS Arms until I fall asleep and Rest... so to speak. I know that I don't want to look behind or ahead, I ONLY want to look UP. After all today is the tomorrow that was thought of yesterday.

Ok, I really need to get back to my homework... I have a busy weekend and week ahead. Class, moving back into My condo, then class... not to mention next week is the last week of school (for work teaching, that is ).

In closing I want to share the words that were in a Birthday ecard from my Dad on my Birthday this year, May 31, 2008. I don't know if he took that much time in contemplating which one to send, but I felt his words really moved me and that if he did find the perfect ones, instead of just finding a card, then he "knows" me pretty darn good.

My Birthday ecard:

Daughter, You are so Loved

She greets the dawn of each new day
with the brightness of the sun itself

And finds joy in the smallest things.

For being wise beyond your years,
yet still believing in the wonder
that each day can bring…

For having your own special dreams
and giving so much of yourself
to make them come true…

For all the ways you make life an adventure
and fill even the most ordinary days
with fun…

you are loved more
than you could ever imagine.

Happy Birthday.