2010 Update

It seems I have sat down numerous times to write and update, but something would come up or if I did write something, my computer would act up and I lost what I wrote. I'm determined to get something written before I go to sleep tonight, no matter how late it is. I know some of you don't even know that I now live in Wyoming!

*Summarized Version: 2010 started with a vanishing act, I was sick, started my final grad project for Masters, teaching license miracle, met someone who put a smile in my heart like no one else ever could, graduated, got my heart broken, began "being still", fought GOD, went to Young Life Camp, heard "jump" more, was presented with phrase: "Waiting with Hope", fought GOD more, completed my finally project and received Master of Education, went on an adventure to Wyoming, ready to go back to Colorado numerous times but GOD kept me in Wyoming, trip to Michigan, job interview in Wyoming, a quick move to Wyoming as of September 1, and then a trip to Michigan for Christmas after over 12 years away..... now to what 2011 holds with starting Young Life.... Read on if you want more details of 2010:

A year ago this same particular weekend GOD brought something into my life that was a wonderful experience and put a smile on my face, and in my heart from about February to May. This time also included a couple of trips to Fort Collins to stay with my friends and my Spring Break in April was spent in Wyoming!!

On May 8, 2010, I walked in graduation ceremonies at Regis University receiving a Masters of Education in Special Education (though I officially did not finish my final project until the end of June, so diploma states July 2010).

Towards the end of May I felt the Lord asking me to take my biggest leap yet, that "jump" I'd been hearing was about going to Wyoming. I was ready to take it, I felt/heard GOD tell me not to sign my contract for the following school year, but something happened that made that leap not make sense to me anymore. So on the LAST day that I had to sign my contract in tears and with very little sleep I signed though I KNEW in my heart I wasn't suppose to, even told GOD I KNEW I was disobeying, but I needed some "security" in my life at the moment... besides HIM.

Then all I heard for the next couple of weeks was "jump".... a friend asked me in mid May to find a way to be "quiet" and wait to hear HIS Voice in order to listen to HIM, to find a way to just sit for 5-10 minutes a day, say and think nothing. As hard as I tried the noise inside my head and heart still seemed to be loud and getting even louder. But, I continued to try. Another friend encouraged me by sharing how she would just repeat "Be still, and know I am God" (Psalm 46:10) when she was trying to be quiet. I DID try..... and I kept fighting GOD with what I heard. Seriously, with a broken heart it made absolutely no sense at all to move to Wyoming.

The beginning of June came and as I was trying to "Be still", well I started a new three month "Our Daily Bread", the front cover had the scripture "Be still, and know I am God" on it..... Little did I know at this time that GOD would continue to speak and move in a powerful way through those next three months. And this was only the start....

While at camp in Arizona... I went to Lost Canyon Camp with some of the high school kids from Delta County Young Life.... Wow, did GOD ever speak to me there. First, GOD kept putting connections on my path.... a Wyoming YL group was at the same camp. One leader was moving to Casper to start YL there, and the other had connections in Sheridan, which is near by. Before I left for camp, I did stop fighting GOD for a moment and inquired about coming up to Wyoming for the rest of the summer. Though ALL through the week I kept hearing "jump"..... it was on the last day, .... for some reason after our last club time I choose to check my email during my quiet time.

An email of encouragement: God's Promises was waiting for me to read, and spoke so loud to me giving me a phrase at the time that I had no idea would come back to me over and over and over again over the past 9 months, and still does.... the phrase was "Waiting with Hope"..... it would take way to long to give ALL the details of that day, but..... needless to say I decided to stop fighting GOD on the matter..... come back from camp and finish up my project in order to be DONE with my Master's Degree. And then head to Wyoming for whatever it was GOD was calling me there for.

I decided to have an adventure and stop fighting HIM. See, hear, feel God in a way I hadn't in a while. I wanted to live, laugh, and love again and not hurt so darn much. I REALLY didn't have any expectations (some hopes).... I wanted to relax and enjoy somewhere different.... and let GOD be GOD in whatever.... I might get there and want to leave shortly after... might want to stay the whole month that I had off,
too. Some of the reason I wanted to go was hope for something to change with someone who put a smile on my face, but to be honest that actually was the reason why I thought I shouldn't go and WHY I was fighting GOD so much. Whether a part or not... I was gonna have an adventure and take every opportunity to experience GOD as if I'd just fallen in love with HIM for the first time! I needed to find what was eluding me from having that Peace that only comes from knowing CHRIST.

And that is exactly what I did.... I came up to Wyoming not knowing what GOD was doing, but I wish I could share and explain every little detail of each moment I was in Wyoming over those five weeks. The times GOD put a scripture reference from someone onto my path that confirmed "waiting with hope" and sometimes "being still..." ...it was so obvious and clear that I was suppose to be in Wyoming, but then I did disobey and sign my contract in Colorado.... so who knew what GOD would do. Every time I felt ready to leave, or that I shouldn't be up in Wyoming, GOD would put a reason, an open door for me to stay a little longer.

In the process of leaving Wyoming to go spend a week in Michigan with my family the beginning of August..... GOD provided a job opening.... I interviewed two days into training for the new school year..... was offered the job and the TRUTH of it is it may have been only a one year position, but it was what GOD was calling me to do so, I took it.... was HONEST.... came up to Wyoming for the two days before classes started.... drove back to Colorado the 1st day of those classes.... turned around and moved up Buffalo in a week.... my official first day in Wyoming was September 1, 2010.... I then started my new position at the Middle School teaching Special Education on the day after Labor Day.

GOD has continued to speak and move in my life since moving up here. There is so much more detail of it all....

I have learned and continue to learn so much about GOD, and about me... and that Peace that only comes from HIM has been found again.... Not sure where it had gone.... But, the biggest lesson learned this past year was concerning LOVE!!!! I've always been afraid that I didn't really know what "love" was.... Something longed for for a long time, yet really didn't know if I was truly capable of that kind of
love in my life. In reflecting back over the past year, I did fall in love.... NEVER thought I could love someone, but I do and I KNOW I can't make him love me back or want me....But, the whole situation has brought my understanding of GOD's Love of us to a whole new level... to a Trust like no other..... it has made my love for GOD and HIS for me seem so much more real and deeper.... if that makes sense?!

The lesson in it is really this... how HE loves us, even when we don't return that love to HIM. I can't explain it and not sure I truly put it in a way to make you all understand. I know I am capable of loving. But, I know with all my heart I can't make him love me back.

And now it is 2011, only GOD knows my fate for the next school year.... since it was ONLY a one year position, but.... I'm not worried because I know GOD has a plan and I'm Trusting HIM. But I do know that in 2011 Young Life is getting started here in Buffalo....that too has it's own story. Wow, can I make it short? I don't think so, you'll just have to trust me that it is really all a part of GOD's plan here for me too. HE has made a way like no other when it comes to this and that started on my second official night in Buffalo.

I'm at Peace, I'm content, I'm loving and laughing and living more than I have in a long time. GOD is doing so much in my life.... I feel a Peace and a Joy like I NEVER have had before.... I'm TRUSTING HIM more than I ever had, which in turn is producing that Peace and Joy..... just can't express the words.... I'm Loving HIM more and more each day.... I'm "Waiting with HOPE"..... that hope that is found only
in, through, and with HIM.....

and it ALL really began a year ago.... with what GOD put, well who GOD put on my path.... I sure am better off because of him and all of it!!

I don't know what HE has in store, but I know I'm exactly where HE wants me to be.... and it is a beautiful beautiful place to be..... And as the theme continues to go in my life.... I'm "being still, and knowing He is God" (Psalm 10:6), while I'm "Waiting with Hope" (Psalm 62:5 and Lamentations 3:24-25 and Habakkuk 2:3)....


"Be still, and Know" while you "Wait with Hope"
Kimie

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~Helen Keller

Quiet Love

"He will quiet you with his love"(Zephaniah 3:17)

... Let me relate a beautiful old story of how one Christian dreamed she saw three other women in prayer.

When they knelt the Master drew near to them. As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her with tenderness and grace. He smiled with radiant love and spoke to her in tones of pure, sweet music. Upon leaving her, He came to the next but only placed His hand upon her bowed head and gave her one look of loving approval. He passed the third woman almost abruptly, without stopping for a word or a glance.

The woman having the dream said to herself, "How greatly He must love the first woman. The second gained His approval but did not experience the special demonstrations of love He gave the first. But the third woman must have grieved Him deeply, for He gave her no word at all, nor even a passing look."

She wondered what the third woman must have done to have been treated so differently. As she tried to account for the actions of her Lord, He Himself came and stood beside her. He said to her, "O woman! How wrongly you have interpreted Me! The first kneeling woman needs the full measure of My tenderness and care to keep her feet on My narrow way. She needs My love, thoughts, and help every moment of the day, for without them she would stumble into failure.

"The second woman has stronger faith and deeper love than the first, and I can count on her to trust Me no matter how things may go or whatever people may do. Yet the third woman, whom I seemed not to notice, and even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holiest service.

"She knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so completely, that she no longer depends on My voice, loving glances, or other outward signs to know of My approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts Me when common sense, reason, and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later.

"My love is silent because I love beyond the power of words to express it and beyond the understanding of the human heart. Also, it is silent for your sakes- that you may learn to love and trust Me with pure, Spirit-taught, spontaneous responses. I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external."

He "will do wonders never before done" (Exodus 34:10) if you will learn the mystery of His silence and praise Him every time He withdraws His gifts from you. Through this you will better know and love the Giver. ~selected
(February 9 entry from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman)



I am noticing the beauty of this story because I can see me as ALL three of these praying woman at different stops on my path.... as I have continued to journey through this adventure called Life. I have been each one of these woman, and presently am just so thankful for GOD being ever present in my life....Today, I am good..... wish I could go back and repeat ONE thing that happened a year ago today.... but, thinking of that has REALLY made for a good day.... GOD is doing so much in my life.... I feel a Peace and a Joy like I NEVER have had before.... I'm TRUSTING HIM more than I ever had, which in turn is producing that Peace and Joy..... just can't put it into words.... I'm Loving HIM more and more each day.... I'm "Waiting with HOPE"..... that hope that is found only in, through, and with HIM.....

and it ALL really began a year ago.... with what GOD put, well who GOD put on my path.... with or without him in my life.... I sure am better off because of it all!!

more being still.....

I do not believe we have even begun to understand the wonderful power there is in being still. We are in such a hurry, always doing, that we are in danger of not allowing God the opportunity to work. You may be sure that God will never say to us, "Stand still", "Sit still", or "Be still", unless He is going to do something. This is our problem regarding the Christian life: we want to do something to be Christians, instead of allowing Him to work in us.

Think of how still you stand when your picture is being taken, as the photographer captures your likeness on film God has one eternal purpose for us: that we should be "conformed to the likeness of his Son" (Romans 8:29). But in order for that to happen, we must stand still. We hear so much today about being active, but maybe we need to learn what it means to be quiet. ~from Crumbs
(February 5 entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B.Cowman)

"Put your hope in God" (Psalm 43:5). Please remember there is never a time when we cannot hope in God, whatever our need or however great our difficulty may be. Even when our situation appears to be impossible, our work is to "hope n God." Our hope will not be in vain, and in the Lord's own timing help will come.

Oh, the hundreds, even the thousands, of times I have found this to be true in the past seventy years and four months of my life! When it seemed impossible for help to come, it did come, for God has His own unlimited resources. In ten thousand different ways, and at ten thousand different times, God's help may come to us.

Our work is to lay our petitions before the Lord, and in childlike simplicity to pour out our hearts before Him, saying, "I do not deserve that You should hear me and answer my requests, but for the sake of my precious Lord Jesus; for His sake, answer my prayer. And give me grace to wait patiently until it pleases You to grant my petition. For I believe You will do it in Your own time and way."

"For I will yet praise him" (Psalm 43:5). More prayer, more exercising of our faith, and more patient waiting leads to blessings- abundant blessings. I have found it to be true many hundreds of times, and therefore I continually say to myself, "Put your hope in God." ~George Mueller(February 7 entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B.Cowman)

I think what makes each one of these readings and all the ones before so special and so much more GOD for me is in knowing what I was praying about and talking to God about before reading.... it is like HE keeps reminding me that HE Loves me and has me exactly where HE wants me to be!!!! All I have to do is "Be still, and Know that HE is GOD" (Psalm 46:10) While, I "Wait with Hope" (Psalm 62:5)..... YOU continue to draw me closer and closer to YOU.... I Know You have something amazing in store for me....


Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days- these waiting days- as ill!
The One who loves you best, who plans your way,
Has not forgotten your great need today!
And, if He waits, it's sure He waits to prove
To you, His tender child, His heart's deep love.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
You greatly long to know your dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay-
Persuade yourself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way has opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad your heart, and then how swift your feet,
Your inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could you for Him fill?
It's hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
It's hard, it's true! But then- He gives you grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.
~ J. Danson Smith