Closure

What is "Closure"? What does it mean? I am finding that closure is an interesting word and lately I wonder what God is trying to speak to me about.

As my departure is getting closer with each passing day, I think the hardest day for me so far has been May 27. I should have wrote about it back then, but turning in my last month of availability today at REI got me remembering.

May 27, was hard because it was the day that I moved my last box out of my condo. Ironically, it was two years exactly from when I closed on my condo and moved my first box into it. It was hard because I was alone and though I still own it, I truthfully don't know if I will ever live there again. I have no idea what God has in store for my tomorrows.

All I know is I cried that night, but they may have had to do with the other things that happened during the end of May. I moved out, had my Birthday, ended the school year, ran into many from my past, met some new people, and got to spend time with my bestest friend whom has been gone almost a year from Colorado.

Saying goodbye to my amazing class was hard because a part of me wants to be right at Colorado Christian teaching that third grade class again as fourth graders. My class was amazing everytime it came to prayers. And I loved receiving at least 15 hugs a day, but it was usually about three times that much. They will be in my prayers and missed a whole bunch. I know God has big plans for their future, I can only hope that they remember "MY WISH" by Rascal Flatts for them.

To top things off My bestest friend was in town during this week and it was interesting realizing the people God had come across my path who were from the past and I was able to share it all with her. Oh, I should mention that most of them had been men that I have dated in the past almost two years. They were some of the really good ones though. This made for a lot of thinking, yet still having no idea what God was trying to say in all of it happening. I still don't know that, but I know He has a reason in it all. It did remind me that I know what I want and refuse to settle for anything other than God's best plan for me.

Yet, I know it was Him who led me to run into these people because on two of the occasions I almost didn't go to where I ran into them. I knew it was not an accident any of the times. I know it also made me realize that I am really single at the moment because God wants it that way. I have met and gone out with too many men that I would have considered pursuing something with, though there is only one who has made my heart smile. And the number of them that I have met through blind dates, eHarmony and Great Expectations, you wouldn't believe it if I told you. That is how I really know that God is truly in control of this area of my life. Oh but you should hear some of the reasons or are they excuses I have gotten to why they (as men) choose not to pursue me. Most of them turn out to be pretty amazing compliments to me and total realization of people's (mostly men's) fear to take a risk.

In thinking of this word closure it is also kind of funny knowing that two years ago when I was buying my own place for the first time it was also when I decided that I wasn't going to wait until....anymore. It was also when I decided that I wasn't meeting the kind of men that I wanted to so I figured I would put myself out there and let God do His work. So very interesting that those from my past would just happen to come back into my life when the thing that made me open up the door to possibilities was coming to an end.

I am also finding it interesting that as so many from my past have come across my path in the past couple of months, there have been a few people whom have disappeared or chosen to not be a part of my life right now. It just has gotten me to think about closure and how blessed I am and how much I REALLY miss a couple of those who have chosen to stay away for the moment or maybe good.

Just my thoughts and wonders of what closure really means?! However, this all has just reminded me that God is so ever working and moving in our lives. Though I can not make any sense of it right now, I know that He has a reason and a plan for it all.