Waiting on HIM

I heard GOD speak to me about my future while I was in Bali. However, at times I begin to doubt HIM. Maybe I only heard what I wanted too. Maybe I am wrong about the person, once again.

I know that I have spoken out to those I am close to about what I KNOW, yet......I have been waiting my whole life to have a relationship. To be in a committed, serious relationship that is a reflection of GOD's love. I have longed for a partner to share this journey with. Someone whom will help me draw closer to the LORD, making me a better person. Someone to travel with and share in serving GOD with. I do KNOW what I heard GOD say.

And it all started a year ago, when I was not looking for anyone. When I was preparing to move to another country and serve GOD. Though this was also a dream that I had wanted to share with a partner.

I was content a year ago, and that after a year of hoping and waiting for someone else that I thought GOD put into my life and was the one (This is a story in itself and actually was something spoken in my life in August 1997, a prophetic word). I didn't want the hurt again and finally was content with just being with GOD. And that is when GOD brought the most amazing man into my life.

He and I have stayed in touch over the last year while I was away and I thought by now that we would have reconnected. And it just doesn't seem to be happening yet. And well, I'm doubting. Hey, look at my history.......why would this man be any different than the guys I have met in the past, who all just seem to disappear.

The key to that difference is that I HEARD GOD SPEAK!!!! I KNOW exactly what HE said. As I was getting down and doubting and listening to the whispers this week, GOD has spoken loud and clear again. HE is reminding me to trust HIM and wait for the thing HE spoke and I know to be true.

First, it was on Saturday when Allyson felt that I needed to read this devotional that she got in an email. She hadn't read it yet, but knew it was meant for me to see. Here is that devotional:

When the Lord Tarries
by Os Hillman, July 28, 2007

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. - Habakkuk 2:3

God has a storehouse of blessings that He has reserved for you and me. However, our timing to receive those blessings may not be the same as our Lord's. God has a specific timetable that He requires to accomplish His purposes in the life of the believer. Sometimes that timetable seems excruciatingly cruel and painful, yet it is needful.

When we read that Joseph remained a slave in Egypt and was then placed in prison after being wrongfully accused, it would be easy to second-guess the God of the universe. Oh, how cruel and uncaring, we might think. Joseph thought he was going to be delivered from prison when he interpreted a dream for a court official, but then he was forgotten another two years. Why? An early release would have disrupted God's perfect plan.

God takes time to develop character before anything else. God could not afford to have a prideful 30-year-old managing the resources of an entire region of the world.

We can sometimes delay this timetable if we refuse His correction.

Although it is sometimes difficult to understand, the Lord is just and gracious in His dealings with His children. When He does decide to move on our behalf, we will appreciate the delay and will often understand the reason it was needed. Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! (Is. 30:18)

If you are awaiting the fulfillment of a vision in your life, ask the Lord for His grace to sustain you. It will be worth the wait.

And when I got up on Sunday, I opened up "Our Daily Bread" to read and the scripture used was Habakkuk 1:12-2:3. I went to find Allyson and ask her if she thought GOD had a message for me this weekend? HE could not have spoken any louder. Here is what that said:

God’s Delays
by David H. Roper, July 29, 2007

READ: Habakkuk 1:12–2:3

I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me. —Habakkuk 2:1

Waiting is hard for me. I want answers now. Postponements perplex me; deferrals daunt me. I’m baffled by God’s delays, wondering why and when. “How long, O Lord?”

The prophet Habakkuk wanted answers as well, but God chose to take His time. “I will stand my watch . . . to see what [God] will say to me,” Habakkuk wrote (2:1). “The vision is yet for an appointed time,” God replied. “Wait for it; because it will surely come” (v.3).

Faith never gives up. It knows that despite appearances, all is well. It can wait without signs or significant indications that God is at work, because it is sure of Him. “Each delay is perfectly fine, for we are within the safe hands of God,” said Madame Guyon (1648–1717).

We too must learn to view each delay as if it were “perfectly fine.” Postponements are reasons to pray rather than grow anxious, impatient, and annoyed. They’re opportunities for God to build those imperishable but hard-to-acquire qualities of humility, patience, serenity, and strength. God never says, “Wait awhile,” unless He is planning to do something in our situation—or in us. He waits to be gracious.

So take heart! If God’s answer tarries, “Wait for it; because it will surely come.”

Soon shall the morning gild

The dark horizon rim,

Thy heart’s desire shall be fulfilled—

“Wait patiently for Him.” —Havergal

God stretches our patience to enlarge our soul.

Tell me GOD wasn't speaking to me this weekend. HE was pretty loud and clear. Habakkuk 2:3 says exactly what I needed to hear. So again, I am reminded to Wait on and Trust in HIM.

Habakkuk 2:3 spoke so loudly to me this weekend that I went to Bible Gateway to look up different translations. Here is some of what I found:

Contemporary English Version
At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting-- it will happen!
New International Version
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
The Message
This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie.If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.
New King James Version
For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
New Living Translation
This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
New Century Version
It is not yet time for the message to come true, but that time is coming soon; the message will come true. It may seem like a long time, but be patient and wait for it, because it will surely come; it will not be delayed.
New American Standard Bible
For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
New Life Version
For it is not yet time for it to come true. The time is coming in a hurry, and it will come true. If you think it is slow in coming, wait for it. For it will happen for sure, and it will not wait.
New International Reader's Version
The message I give you waits for the time I have appointed. It speaks about what is going to happen. And all of it will come true. It might take a while. But wait for it. You can be sure it will come. It will happen when I want it to.

PRAISE JESUS!! For HIS perfect timing in speaking to my heart and in EVERYTHING.

I got it....

Yep, it came to me like a lighting bolt and I got it today. I understand what I was feeling yesterday and why it was such a rough day. It was funny to get some of your responses to what you thought may be going on with me knowing things from my past. It was just a reminder that I have really changed and that GOD is very much the center of my life and my guide. So thank you for the smile and the reminder of how GOD does change us from the inside.

I know that I was feeling alone yesterday because as I reflect on the life I had here in Colorado before I left for Korea I recall that I worked two jobs and was always on the go. If I wasn't working, I was out doing something with a family or friends, or even on a date. Then I had about 10 months where I had lots of time alone with GOD, which at that stage of my journey is exactly what I needed.

I guess in returning home, I thought things would be like they were before I left. But, they are not. Life has gone on, you all have changed and yet, so have I.

I realized that when I first got back to the States I was busy every day watching four awesome kids that I live with right now. Plus, I was recovering from jet lag and, well, ten months of whatever it was. Then I went home to Michigan for about two weeks where I was continually on the go visiting friends and family. Plus, my first week back to Colorado after that trip was filled every minute. Then this past weekend that had been planned with Allyson since probably February finally came to be and was awesome.

Yet, yesterday arrived and well, I don't have a car yet and I have a week with absolutely nothing planned. No where to go, nothing to do, and truthfully not much to look forward to. Me, who has always been on the go and loves to be busy (yet I do like my quiet time), is ready to "FLY", so to speak. I want to go hiking and camping. I want to see a movie and watch a baseball game (just to get ready for Football season of course). I want to go out on a date, spent time with friends talking and hanging out...................,but it all hit me yesterday............I know life won't be the same as before I left, but I just can't sit still when there is soooo much living out there to do. When there are so many opportunities to seize. I don't want to start all over and find new things to do and new people to do them with.............but I guess I may just have to.

I forced myself to go to Bible Study last night and I am glad I did. Scott, I may have to just join you all tomorrow night for sushi too. I loved going to Tanya's Birthday party, as well as small group on Friday. Lori, I look forward to getting together and meeting your precious new bundle of joy soon as well. Adrienne, I also, so look forward to finally meeting such a wonderful authentic, inspirational women of GOD. Raych, it was awesome to have lunch and share with you.........though, we do need to finish where we left off. Kent, thanks for lunch today, you always make me smile. David, I look forward to seeing you and letting things unfold. I can't even begin to express the thanks I have for the family I live with.......... though, I do know that they know how much they mean to me. I don't know what I would do with out them.

I could go on and on.........I just know there is so much still to do and soooo many of you whom I still need to hug your necks. And well, I can't sit still for too long. I loved my time alone with GOD over the past almost year in Korea, but it is time to Seize different and more moments, and to add to a previous blog, use my wings to Fly.

Living the Message for today says: Poetry is essential....because poetry is original speech. The word is creative: it brings into being what was not there before- perception, relationship, belief. Out of the silent abyss a sound is formed: people hear what was not heard before and are changed by the sound from loneliness into love. Out of the blank abyss a picture is formed by means of metaphor: people see what they did not see before and are changed by the image from anonymity into love. Words create. GOD's word creates; our words can participate in the creation.

I just wanted to share that because it hit my heart as I was having thoughts about writing but wanted to be with GOD before I did write my thoughts about yesterday. The parts about change and participating in creation just really hit me. I want my heart to continuously be changing for the better and towards GOD, and I REALLY want to participate in HIS creation.

And Yes, HE spoke through God Calling as well: Our LORD, guide us. Show us Thy Will and Way in Everything. Keep close to Me and you shall know the Way because, as I said to My disciples, I am the Way. That is the solution to all Earth's problems. Keep close, very close to Me. Think, act, and live in My Presence. How dare any foe touch you, protected by Me! That is the secret of all Power, all Peace, all Purity, all influence, the keeping very near to Me. Abide in Me. Live in My Presence. Rejoice in My Love. Thank and Praise all the time. Wonders are unfolding.

Also, thank you Miss Shirley for sharing this devotion with me today: Text: “Yet this is what the Sovereign Lord says: ‘It will not take place, it will not happen” (Isaiah 7.7)
Thought of the day: To put this verse in context, the Lord made a statement & a promise. He made a statement that He knew the plans of godless people to attack the Jews. There is something soothing in knowing that God is aware of my circumstances. In all my years of praying, I have never informed God of anything. He not only knows about my circumstances, His knowledge of my circumstances is greater than mine. There is also something encouraging knowing that God is maintaining a level of control over my circumstances. The promise in Isaiah 7.7 was that God would not allow the plans of the wicked to succeed. You can rest assured that God is keeping a watchful eye on you & yours. He goes about our day with a quiet confidence that everything is going to be OK. He’s not stressed out. He’s not searching for answers. He knows everything about you & is working on your behalf. Trust Him.

How can I end this other than just raising my hands and yelling, in honor of my class in Korea: "Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for HE is good. HIS love endures forever."

PRAISE JESUS!!

Rough Day

Today was my first really rough day since returning to the States. Well, other than feeling tired my first week back due to jet lag. Why do I write about it knowing that we all have rough days is because I have been anticipating it.

I have been very surprised how great I have been doing, but today, I felt more alone than any of the days in Korea. Oh, PRAISE JESUS, that I KNOW I am not, but I still felt so alone today.

Maybe it was coming down from a really big high over the weekend. I had a great time up in Winter Park reading a book with a friend and just enjoying my surroundings. It was a weekend filled with quality time with someone who means so much to me. I am very thankful for that time and opportunity to have experienced with her.

So why this strong feeling today? In feeling alone, which again I know I am not, it caused me to drop my defenses so to speak and allow the enemy to whisper very loudly in my ear. Which I am sure only added to my feelings. And brought doubt to my heart. This hurt I think more than anything because I don't want to doubt GOD, yet at this very moment it is hard to trust in what I know to be true and what I know I know. I hate knowing the truth, yet having to fight my feelings.........it makes me feel like I am doubting GOD and not trusting HIM.

As I felt alone today, I recalled that I read something that goes along with this in Our Daily Bread on Sunday.

Joe Stowell wrote: We all face storms that threatens to confuse and disorient us. It may be a call from the doctor's office, a friend who has betrayed you, or a shattered dream. Those are the times to be especially careful. When you are blinded by life's disappointments, don't trust your instincts. Flying by the seat of your pants in the storms of life can lead to despair, confusion, and vengeful responses that make matters worse. GOD wants to guide you, and HIS Word is packed with wisdom and insights for living. HIS "Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105). Where HE leads is always right! "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye." (Psalm 32:8)

I don't feel like I am in a storm, but I do need to remember that it is HE who guides me and I know HIS promises. I can't trust in the way I feel today, which is alone, very alone. For I know I am not. HE is with me and HE has placed me presently where I know that I am loved.

Maybe these feelings are some underlying ones that I haven't dealt with yet from Korea, things that the enemy knows can get to my heart and blind me from the truth, so he whispers what cuts in deep........... although I am blinded at the moment, I can not trust my feelings, but only TRUST in what I know to be true from the LORD. Even if that is hard to do right now.

God Calling for today went along these same lines. No man has the power to disturb that Peace (that passes all understanding), but you yourselves can let the world and its worries and distractions in. You can give entrance to fears and despondency. You can open the door to the robber who breaks in upon and destroys, your Peace...Do not let those about you spoil your peace of heart and mind....set yourself to see that none of it touches the harmony of the real you, that is hid with Me in the Secret Place of the Father.

I am the person who is letting whatever it is in and disturbing my peace, though I am trying very hard to fight it. Funny, do you think GOD knew that I would be feeling this way today........so HE brought me some words in order that HE could guide me to what I know is true.

Again, I feel more alone today in this moment than I have in the past 11 months. And I know that my time in Korea was very much spent alone with only GOD. However, I PRAISE HIM, knowing that I do feel a certain way right now, but I'm not trusting those feelings.........I am fighting to TRUST in HIM alone.

HE still brought moments that were hugs from HIM tonight. Like while responding to emails with my computer on my lap, I had the most precious little blonde sitting on the arm of the chair with her version of a computer on her lap. GOD's hug. Then, as I went to a Bible Study tonight I was greeted by a friend whom I haven't seen in a year. He gave me a big hug and even lifted me off the ground. Two moments that made my heart smile today, KNOWING that GOD is GOD and right here with me in the mist of my feelings.

Some where recently I read the words "Purpose in our Hearts"...........today, it reminds me that I need to purpose in my heart what I know to be TRUE, not trust my feelings, but TRUST in GOD.

See HIM there....

I just got back from small group and I met the RISEN CHRIST there. "The Risen Christ" from "Living the Message" by Eugene Peterson from September 18 was shared.

What makes this so special is that I remembered the very first time I ever heard it. I felt tears come to my eyes because it seemed like such perfect timing to be hearing it again. I was able to reflect on a message that I have heard a few times over the past 5 years, but I remembered the first time and then realized in hearing it tonight how much hearing it that first time had and has changed my life. How this concept and message has become such a part of my every day daily life. And it reminded me how awesome GOD truly is.

I am going to share some from it and let Eugene Peterson's words speak for themselves:

In every visit, every meeting I attend, every appointment I keep, I have been anticipated. The Risen Christ got there ahead of me. The Risen Christ is in that room already. What is HE doing? What is HE saying? What is going on?...When I arrive and enter the room I am not so much wondering what I am going to do or say...as I am alert and observant for what the Risen Christ has been doing or saying that is making a gospel story out of this life...We are always coming in on something that is already going on. Sometimes we clarify a word or feeling, sometimes we identify an overlooked relationship, sometimes we help recover an essential piece of memory-but always we are dealing with what the Risen Christ has already set in motion, already brought into being.

I just sat in awe of how magnificent the RISEN CHRIST is and how much I have grown after hearing this particular message the first time and yet how every year I read it on September 18 have I been reminded of it...........but, mostly to have it STILL speak to me today.

Once again GOD's perfect timing. Makes me think about being home and getting settled. How I have almost done everything on my list that I wanted to do when I got back to the States. I am actually still waiting for three of my top five things to be honest. However, I am getting ready for one of those three to happen this weekend. I finally get to go up to the mountains, though it isn't for camping, it still is going up to be in the mountains. And just to add it is going to be a blast. For the other two, well they both require the same thing, well person................and, I am just reminded that it will all be in GOD's perfect timing. Praise Jesus for that!!

Roots and Wings

What an awesome trip I was able to go on. I met GOD in soooo many ways on this trip. I was reminded of my roots and were I come from. It was the community in which I grew up and the people in that small town of Jonesville, Michigan that helped me develop the character traits that make me me today. I know where I came from and I know to Whom I belong. I also know that HE gave me some pretty big wings that I have used in order to fly.

While on my trip to Pennsylvania to visit one of my bestest friends, I was driving on a part of the Ohio Turnpike near Arkon that brought back a memory from almost 20 years ago with my Dad and little Brother. It was so strong that I had to call my Brother and tell him how much I loved him. I had a million other moments like this throughout my whole trip. I had time with loved ones where I met the Risen Christ, as well as many moments alone driving in the car where HE was also met in such a beautiful way.

And the trip ended with a weekend spent at my class reunion and a family day at home. I just feel so blessed to have had an opportunity to be able to reflect on the past 20 years of my life. Wow, what an adventure it has been. GOD has been good.

As I was sitting down tonight to write this I had my quiet time first and of course, Our Daily Bread went along with some thoughts I been having about my trip once I was back in Colorado.

The author, Cindy Hess Kasper, wrote about a visit to Alaska to see Mt. McKinley and how she discovered that day that many people miss seeing the whole mountain because it is so tall that most of it is hidden on cloudy days. They only see a part of the whole. She went on to write: Often we're satisfied with our limited view of life. But Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us, "'I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says the LORD, 'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" With GOD's omniscient, panoramic view, HE sees the people HE wants us to help, the things HE wants us to accomplish, the character traits HE wants to develop in us. Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." Our view of life is restricted by our humanness, but we can trust ourselves to the ONE who has an unlimited view!

ODB referenced Isaiah 55:6-9 and used Job 34:21, "His eyes are on the ways of man, and He sees all his steps."

GOD used this to speak to me...........I just love when HE does this. It reminds me of how awesome HE is.

There's so much now I cannot see,

My eyesight's far too dim,

But come what may, I'll simply trust

And leave it all to HIM.

--Overton

We see in part; GOD sees the whole.

Picture Perfect Moments

Wow, today there were two moments that were picture perfect............and I would have done anything to have my camera with me, but I didn't.

The first was coming back from Starbucks with the kids. As we were walking they got a little ahead of me, an adorable little boy from China and the cutest little blonde you ever saw. Two children born on opposite sides of the world, but by GOD's hand brought together........brought together to become family. I can't tell you in that beautiful moment how awesome it was to see GOD. To think so many thoughts, I wish I could put into words what I was feeling then and how it caused me to ponder so many more thoughts. Thoughts bigger than me, than anything at that moment. It was a moment to see the Risen Christ, to see the world, to only imagine how big GOD is and how wonderful a plan HE has for ALL of our lives. It was beautiful is all I can say. At one point they even got further ahead and were walking hand and hand.......oh, how I wish I had my camera to take a picture of those two moments, not to only have that memory of them, but the memory of the thoughts that GOD allowed me to experience right then.

The other moment was as I was driving, I drove by the biggest American flag that I have ever seen. The wind was blowing a storm in, so the sky was an unusual gray color as well. As the flag blew in the air soooo high, it was set against the back drop of the mountains, the majestic Rocky Mountains...........Again, so many thoughts came to my mind. How thankful I was for that American flag that I am sure soooo many of us just take for granted. However, after not seeing it for almost a year........made this seem even more amazing. I met GOD again in this moment.........the thoughts of the country I am from and yet, in awe of how awesome GOD is and the world HE created. I just can't come up with the words that would describe this moment..........I just know that I saw JESUS right then and there.....oh, how I wish I had my camera to have a memory of that moment, to remember my thoughts about GOD and what HE allowed me to feel right then.

I want to share some bits and pieces of 'God Calling' for today in closing: Our Lord, we love Thee and desire to live for Thee in all things....Think of the wonder of revelation still to be seen by those who live with Me. All these hundreds of years, and much of what I said and did is still mystery, much of My Life on Earth is still spiritually unexplored country. Only to the simple and the loving heart that walks with Me can these things be revealed....Look for the loving, the true, the kindly, the brave in the many all around you.

PRAISE JESUS, for these moments today and for speaking.

HE keeps doing it....

Yes, GOD has continued to speak to me throughout the past three days. It is just past midnight and I can not sleep so I thought I would share about how GOD just continues to speak to me..............It is just so awesome.

I went to church Saturday night with a friend and met HIM there. I saw and heard HIM Sunday morning at my church's service. And not to mention 'God Calling' for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. He spoke to me in Sunday's 'Our Daily Bread', as well as in 'Living the Message'.

You will have to trust me that HE is speaking............It would be another really long blog entry if I shared all of what has been read and heard from HIM and the moments of opportunities to even speak with others. Just incredible.

I should also mention that I was flipping through 'Living the Message' and came upon February 22. It is titled "Wait and Hope", it spoke directly with and along side everything else. Again, as in the past, I am just experiencing HIS overwhelming magnificent love.

Because I am hearing and meeting HIM so much right now, I am looking forward to the trip I am about to take. I will be heading back to Michigan (and a little side trip to Pennsylvania) on the 4th for almost two weeks. I get to visit family and friends. I will also be attending my 20th class reunion, which I am really looking forward to. I know that I am going to meet and see the Risen Christ in each moment of this time.

Love and Laugh are two words that have popped up a few times in some reading and things the past few days, I think they are two things we all should experience on a daily basis. May you Love and Laugh today in some way.

I will leave you with just a little from 'God Calling' on June 30:
Take joy wherever you go. You have been much blessed. You are being much blessed. Such stores of blessing are awaiting you in the months and years that lie ahead. Pass every blessing on. Love can and does go round the world, passed on the God-currents from one to the other.

HE just continues to amaze me in the ways HE speaks and moves...........Oh, HE is just so loud and clear to me right now. Can it get any better?