Life is for Sharing

I was in Fort Collins for the weekend and at church today the pastor showed a clip, I forgot what it was an advertisement for. But, at the end of it it stated: LIFE IS FOR SHARING!

Wow, did I feel like this hit me exactly where I have been lately. Longing again for a group to be a part of. I have friends, don't get me wrong, but there isn't a lot of people to do things with or hang with, a group experiencing day to day life together.

This phrase is beautiful: LIFE IS FOR SHARING! We should be sharing ours lives with each other, for our stories make us who we are and help us grow closer to GOD.

Yet, at the same time this phrase made me reflect back on my life. I have been so blessed to share and experience life with so many amazing beautiful people that GOD has brought into it. I love that through this new tool called Facebook GOD has reconnected me with so many who have been a part of my journey and story... those whom Life has been Shared from both sides.

And with my "40th" Birthday fast approaching this statement made me think about if I had any regrets in life.... Hmmm.... could only think of the fact that I wished I played softball and basketball throughout high school and....

I regret that I never really got a chance to get to know someone special that GOD brought into my life. I regret that they did not get to really see me and know me... I regret that we could not drop are walls of hurt and pain, and better yet fear... in order to be who GOD created us both to be. We both truly missed out on a the friendship I know GOD wanted, NO wants us to have. You never know what GOD may have in store for tomorrow... but as of now... I regret that we REALLY did NOT take the opportunity to live this phrase: LIFE IS FOR SHARING!!

I wonder if all of us in life hold back on sharing and truly experiencing it out of FEAR!! Why is that? After all, GOD did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)

Lord, please give us the courage and strength to live life in a way that we share and experience You with each other.

After all: LIFE IS FOR SHARING!

Dance

I wrote somewhere recently that if life was like a dance then I felt like the wallflower that everybody wants to dance with, but doesn't.

I wasn't pertaining to men with that statement but life in general. How nice it was to actually hear the words that someone wanted me... well, wanted me for a job.

I am Praising God for a contract offer for next year and for the way I can see HIS hand upon it. It seems He hasn't been all that quiet over the past year. But that He has slowly been preparing my heart for such a time as now.

I am going to be moving to Cedaredge, Colorado for a special education position at the elementary there. It is moderate needs, grades kindergarten to second grade.

I remember driving through this little mountain town, which is the same size as the town I grew up in back in Michigan. When I drove through my friend, all that was on my heart and mind is that I could see myself living there... who would have thought as almost a year later GOD would be taking me to that exact same place.

There is just so much... and it is soo exciting to start feeling and seeing HIM again.

Impossible for man, Possible for God....

Faith? Yes—the childlike faith that daddies can do anything. True faith, though, has the written promise of God for its foundation. In Hebrews 11:1, we read, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Jesus talked a lot about faith, and throughout the Gospels we read of His response to those who had great faith. ...When we have faith in God, we will find that all things are possible (Luke 18:27). — Cindy Hess Kasper, From "Our Daily Bread" May 9....

Faith.... trusting for things not seen.... I just don't know if I can do that any more. Yet, as I write that I know I can.... it just isn't easy at moments, and right now in this one I am sooo confused, but so tired of fighting it over in my mind and trying to figure things out.... while all the time trusting in God. I just want to Trust and not even fight Satan's whispers in the ear.... Oh Lord give me the strength I need. I do know that things of this earth seem so impossible at times.... but Nothing is impossible for God. He makes all things possible, and good!!

God, give me the faith of a little child
Who trusts so implicitly,
Who simply and gladly believes Thy Word,
And never would question Thee.
—Showerman

Life ain't...

...always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride!!!!

Funny, that I heard that on the radio the other day when I was switching channels... WayFM was very uplifting that morning as they were discussing women in their late 20's, early 30's giving up hope of every getting married. Then were giving statistics... usually an uplifting time on my drive... not so much that day, especially when I got ten years on the women they were talking about... However, I got no worries there because GOD is bigger and NOTHING is impossible with HIM. So I head this chorus in a country song, "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride"

Yep, life doesn't seem so beautiful at the moment... but, the ride and journey with HIM, though hard at times, is absolutely beautiful... I'm sure glad HE has made my life so beautiful even when it seems so yucky. Really thought the end of this part of the journey was gonna be a smoothed paved road, but its just gotten rockier than it ever has been....

Hmm... interesting that I'm not feeling those bumps really. Praise Jesus.

I gotta finish the story a bit more, but know it is only a little piece of the whole pie over the past two weeks.

On April 21, I thought it funny when I realized that I had only 40 days before I was turning the BIG "40".... So, that meant on April 22, I had 39 days left to be 39!!

GOD was still speaking and just giving me peace. Our Daily Bread was titled "Too Old?" Just too funny.... at the bottom there is written: As God adds years to your life, ask Him to add life to your years.

Thursday, April 23, after work some Christians got together to pray for things around our school.... and again I felt the presence of GOD like I hadn't in a long time.... As I prayed there was just this warmth all over me and this feeling that I just can't describe... but, I loved feeling it and HIS presence.

Sunday, April 26, Pastor used the scripture from Matthew 6:25-34, Do Not Worry.... and as GOD use to always do, especially before and while in Korea, HE spoke again the next day in "Our Daily Bread" with the same scripture. Just a reminder to seek God first and not to worry about tomorrow....

Oh, and GOD continues to speak in so many ways each day since April 21.... I have posted scripture after scripture on my Facebook wall. I continue to read reminders in "Our Daily Bread" and "God Calling".... here are just some of those words and hugs from GOD that have touched me right in the center of my heart:

God's love still stands when all else has fallen.

Trust in Me. Do as I say each moment and all indeed shall be well....Have no fear, go forward. Joy- radiant Joy must be yours. Change all disappointment, even if only momentary, into Joy. Change each complaint into laughter. Rest-Love-Joy-Peace...

Guidance you are bound to have as you live more and more with Me. It follows without doubt...

Lord, help me to stay close to You and trust You more each day, So when the storms of life appear I will no drift away. -Sper

To avoid drifting away from God, stay anchored to the Rock.

I am with you always, even to the end of the age. -Matthew 28:20

Jesus whispers, "I am with you." In the hour of deepest need; when the way is dark and lonesome, "I am with you, I will lead." -Morris

...This means no worry, no anxiety, but it does not mean no effort....

Never doubt. Have no fear. Watch the faintest tremor of fear, and stop all work, everything, and rest before Me until you are joyful and strong again....

...Do not seek to work for Me. Never make opportunities. Live with Me and for Me. I do the work and I make the opportunities.

I am beside you. Can you not feel My Presence? Contact with Me is not gained by the senses. Spirit-consciousness replaces sight....

Through briars, through waste places, through glades, up mountain heights, down into valleys, I lead. But ever with the Leadership goes the Helping Hand. Glorious to follow where your Master goes. But remember that the varied path does not always mean that you need the varied training....
I am not choosing ways that will fret and tire- just to fret and tire; we are out to save...

To conquer adverse circumstances, conquer yourselves.

The way is long and weary. It is a weary world. So many today are weary. "Come unto Me... and I will give you rest."....

The oarsman, trusting in Me, does not lean on his oars and drift with the tide, trusting to the current. Nay, more often- once I have shown the way- it is against the tide you must direct all your effort. And even when difficulties come, it is by your effort that they will be surmounted. But always strength and Joy in the doing you can have through Me. My fishermen-disciples did not find the fishes ready on the shore in their nets. I take man's effort and bless that....

I lead you. The way is clear. Go forward unafraid. I am beside you. Listen, listen, listen to My Voice. My Hand is controlling all....

Silence no more...

Yes, the Lord is silent at times and I question with longing.... but, I haven't questioned my Faith or felt like there was emptiness and darkness deep down inside. Everyday I breathe strengthens my Faith. I know that I am fully known, fully loved, and not rejected by Him as with others. I knew it was only a matter of time before the silence ended. He's always been right here, even as I have walked through this desert.... He spoke right when I needed Him to, but He's been reminding the whole time that I am exactly where I am suppose to be... I've never questioned His Love for me.... just my own heart. And I Praise and Thank God for each of those moments in my life.... and will continue to until the day I take my last breathe... for He is the very air I breathe....

April 21, I heard GOD speak and HE was pretty loud at that.

The week started Monday, April 20, with my meeting with the principal to go over my evaluation. I got a very good review and was excited. I love where I work and took the principal's suggestions on the one area that she wanted to see me grow more in. I was really excited to share with her the class I had over the summer that would be helping with that next year. I left on a very good note.

Then came Tuesday, April 21, when I received a phone call from the University saying that my student teaching was denied, but after my principal asked me a question about it a few minutes before. So I decided to go and find out what was going on....

All I know is that I left the office at that moment really feeling confused and pretty yucky in my heart. I had a meeting on Wednesday, April 22, to find out about my status/contract for next year. I left work on the 21st feeling in my gut like I was gonna be told the next day that I was not coming back to teach there the next year. I had a counseling appointment where I shared my fears.... then a treat of a massage. So I got home pretty late.

When I arrived home I got ready for bed and then spent my usual before going to sleep time with God. I started with "Our Daily Bread" for the day.... it was titled "Thunderstorm Thoughts"

The scripture you were to read was Matthew 8:23-27.... and ODB had Philippians 4:9- The God of peace will be with you. I felt a huge lump start to form in my throat and stomach... I didn't read Matthew for I knew what it said. Then I read: I've heard thunderstorms in my head,...Our minds become a tempest of "what if" questions. We focus on all the possible bad outcomes. Our fear, worry, and trust in God fluctuate as we wait, we pray, we grieve, and we wonder what the Lord will do.... We wish that Jesus would always calm the storms of our life as He calmed the storm for the disciples that day. But we can find moments of peace when we're anchored to the truth that He's in the boat with us and He cares.-Anne Cetas

At this point I was thinking GOD was just letting me know not to think about the worst outcome, but to stay focused on HIM. After all, I had already been asking the "what if" questions while waiting, praying, grieving, and wondering what He was up to and what He was gonna do in my life for quite sometime now. At that moment, I felt this warmth in my heart and felt the tears stream down my cheek.... was just feeling HIS love, then I read "God Calling" as it started with:

You will conquer. Do not fear changes.

Now I was crying sooo hard, not because I knew at that moment the storm was really coming and I wasn't gonna have a job for next year. I was crying because of HIS presence. GOD was speaking in a way I hadn't heard in a very very long time. He was giving me the one thing I had been desperate for for so long. HIS voice. I never doubted that He had been there with me, I doubted my own heart... and here HE was speaking and placing a peace in my heart right when I really needed Him to.

"God Calling" went on with: You can never fear changes when I, your Lord, change not. Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever. I am beside you. Steadfastness, unchangingness, come to you, too, as you dwell with Me. Rest in Me. ...So, My dear children, take this training, not as harsh, but as the tender loving answer to your petition. Life can never be the same again...

I even went back to re-read "Our Daily Bread" taking something different away from it.... as if hearing HIS voice even more. At the bottom it was written: To realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.

Oh was I feeling HIS worth and knew the storm was gonna hit the next day.... I went to sleep with an indescribable peace in my heart. As well as walking into that meeting on Wednesday, unshakable and full of peace. I know HE has a plan and everything is gonna work out. There was a peace like never before.

Truly felt so known, loved, and without fear of rejection..... GOD loves me and I trust HIM right now more than I ever have before. What a peace and an Acceptance-with-Joy....

The Whispers...

Not only whispers anymore... He spoke pretty loud and clear on April 21.

However, let me catch you up first if you haven't been reading or in contact with me. I came home from Korea disappointed, got my heart broken, and became angry... I thought at God, however I now know it was more at myself. I struggled, but God moved when I left my job in December of 2007 and led me to Regis University and a job I wasn't looking for. GOD gave me a very special Valentine's gift.

Then He got quiet... I got stressed from classes and just life.... was being pushed away by others... and I shut down and closed in... but was seeking God and His voice for guidance the whole time... and I heard nothing!! Well, that isn't true, I heard Him in little moments and He continued to remind me that I was loved, yet I wasn't trusting my own heart... if that makes any sense?

The counselor I was seeing, suggested I read "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. And though I was longing and desperate to hear God speak loud... He whispered many times through the pages, reminding me that I was exactly where I was suppose to be: in the desert.

"Hinds' Feet on High Places" comes from Habakkuk 3:19- The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me walk upon mine high places.

The story is broken into two parts and splits the second half of Psalm 30:5 into headings for those parts. ... weeping my remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. I am about half way through part two where joy will come in the morning... but back to the first part and His whispers.

On a day when I was really crying out to Him, I picked up the book and read a chapter. I got to page 82 and the main character, Much-Afraid, was talking to the Shepherd. It could have been me on that particular day talking to Him. Here is what was written and He whispered to me:

"Shepherd," she said despairingly, "I can't understand this. The guides you gave me say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us, Shepherd, as you promised."
He looked at her and answered very gently, "That is the path, Much-Afraid, and you are to go down there."
"Oh, no," she cried, "You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, "it is not contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."

And though I didn't like hearing that... I knew it was for me too. I didn't want to remain in the desert I was in, but knew it was EXACTLY where I was suppose to be so that the best He had for me could be possible. I have been having a hard time finishing this book and it is taking forever, but I'm pretty sure I read the pages I'm suppose to when God wants me to... for He had been whispering through them.

There was a little flower that Much-Afraid found in the desert that was called Acceptance-with-Joy. I could handle the acceptance part, but was still struggling with the Joy!!

I know shortly after that I read another part that struck home at perfect timing: "You are quite right. I have been thinking that you are allowing me to follow this path too long and that you were forgetting your promise." Then she added, looking steadfastly into his face, "But I do tell you now with all my heart that you are my Shepherd whose voice I love to hear and obey, and that it is my joy to follow you. You choose, my Lord, and I will obey." The Shepherd stooped down and picked up a stone... "...wait patiently until I give you your heart's desire."

There are many more pages that are marked, but those ones were underlined and just important to say that though I felt like I was not hearing God speak, I know He was reassuring me in whispers through this book. Still His perfect timing when I read pages that touch my heart. And a little comfort while I was in the desert.

I am in "joy cometh in the morning" part, but not finished yet. I know it will be in His perfect timing when I do finish those pages. Though I was excited when I got to part two, thinking that the oasis in the desert was finally going to be coming... I was about to reach the high places... little did I know at that time it was just the strength I needed before the storm was gonna hit.