The Whispers...

Not only whispers anymore... He spoke pretty loud and clear on April 21.

However, let me catch you up first if you haven't been reading or in contact with me. I came home from Korea disappointed, got my heart broken, and became angry... I thought at God, however I now know it was more at myself. I struggled, but God moved when I left my job in December of 2007 and led me to Regis University and a job I wasn't looking for. GOD gave me a very special Valentine's gift.

Then He got quiet... I got stressed from classes and just life.... was being pushed away by others... and I shut down and closed in... but was seeking God and His voice for guidance the whole time... and I heard nothing!! Well, that isn't true, I heard Him in little moments and He continued to remind me that I was loved, yet I wasn't trusting my own heart... if that makes any sense?

The counselor I was seeing, suggested I read "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. And though I was longing and desperate to hear God speak loud... He whispered many times through the pages, reminding me that I was exactly where I was suppose to be: in the desert.

"Hinds' Feet on High Places" comes from Habakkuk 3:19- The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me walk upon mine high places.

The story is broken into two parts and splits the second half of Psalm 30:5 into headings for those parts. ... weeping my remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. I am about half way through part two where joy will come in the morning... but back to the first part and His whispers.

On a day when I was really crying out to Him, I picked up the book and read a chapter. I got to page 82 and the main character, Much-Afraid, was talking to the Shepherd. It could have been me on that particular day talking to Him. Here is what was written and He whispered to me:

"Shepherd," she said despairingly, "I can't understand this. The guides you gave me say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us, Shepherd, as you promised."
He looked at her and answered very gently, "That is the path, Much-Afraid, and you are to go down there."
"Oh, no," she cried, "You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, "it is not contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."

And though I didn't like hearing that... I knew it was for me too. I didn't want to remain in the desert I was in, but knew it was EXACTLY where I was suppose to be so that the best He had for me could be possible. I have been having a hard time finishing this book and it is taking forever, but I'm pretty sure I read the pages I'm suppose to when God wants me to... for He had been whispering through them.

There was a little flower that Much-Afraid found in the desert that was called Acceptance-with-Joy. I could handle the acceptance part, but was still struggling with the Joy!!

I know shortly after that I read another part that struck home at perfect timing: "You are quite right. I have been thinking that you are allowing me to follow this path too long and that you were forgetting your promise." Then she added, looking steadfastly into his face, "But I do tell you now with all my heart that you are my Shepherd whose voice I love to hear and obey, and that it is my joy to follow you. You choose, my Lord, and I will obey." The Shepherd stooped down and picked up a stone... "...wait patiently until I give you your heart's desire."

There are many more pages that are marked, but those ones were underlined and just important to say that though I felt like I was not hearing God speak, I know He was reassuring me in whispers through this book. Still His perfect timing when I read pages that touch my heart. And a little comfort while I was in the desert.

I am in "joy cometh in the morning" part, but not finished yet. I know it will be in His perfect timing when I do finish those pages. Though I was excited when I got to part two, thinking that the oasis in the desert was finally going to be coming... I was about to reach the high places... little did I know at that time it was just the strength I needed before the storm was gonna hit.